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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
Continued from: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050603/msgs/509574.html
He didn't tell me I couldn't put my name back in the pool. But he obviously doesn't want me to do it.
He won't change his note/write a new one. Thinks that would lessen his credibility.
He can't guarantee that if I did the trial that we could fit therapy in. He already gave away the Monday 5PM slot I told him that I no longer needed, and has filled the Thursday 8AM slot that is sometimes available for next week. He can't tell about the other weeks. To be fair, he really is responsive about scheduling - he did swap my Thursday 10AM for Thursday 8:15AM this week in case our deliberations spilled over into Thursday.
He thinks that short term decisions should not be changed capriciously.
All of these things are reasonable.
He does think that I could probably handle the trial (*with* therapy support). He is pleased that I want to shake off my "disabled" label.
He thinks that since the victim was a 17 year old girl, and I have a 17 year old daughter, that the defense would probably not allow me to be picked for the jury.
He is reasonable, he is right. So why am I so disappointed? I think I would be angry if I didn't think he was being reasonable.
I *WANT* to be "normal" (i.e. not disabled). I want to take advantage of opportunities to try being normal before I get scared again. I also want him to go out of his way so I can get better. I want him to offer to see me at 7AM or 7:30, or in the evening. I understand why he doesn't (and I think that he is probably right to NOT do that), but I *want* him to. I want him to prove that he is invested in my getting better. Maybe I want him to prove to me that if I get better I won't lose therapy (because he'll bend his boundaries to make sure that I don't lose therapy). I don't want to have to choose between life and therapy.
I don't want to be the one who says that I can't be on that jury. I don't want to chicken out. But, as it stands right now, he wrote the original note because I asked him to. The accomodations were my idea. So I am the one who says I can't be on that jury. Or I could say that since he isn't encouraging me, that he is saying I can't be on it - but that is even worse. Why would my therapist say that I can't do a "normal" "healthy" thing (I know that the issue is timing - but when he wrote the note I hadn't been to the library conference, nor my daughter's graduation, nor Chicago. I didn't *know* how I would feel now.)
Plus he doesn't want me obsessing and flip flopping on short term decisions. That makes sense, except that has NEVER been my problem. My problem is that I make a decision and no matter what happens I don't change it - even when I should. So here I'm trying to change a decision - because I have new information that says that it might not be the best decision - I'm trying to *be* more flexible - and he tells me to stick to my decision.
I know that it was too late to change this decision. But I'm really disappointed that it is too late.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 10, 2005, at 17:08:17
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
Why the 'never mind?'
I'm trying to line up the duckies
He wrote a note because you asked him to. At the time you asked for it there were lots of other stressful things coming up - Chicago, graduation, conference .....
Those things are over and you now feel like you could handle it. In fact, you *want* to do it - for a lot of reasons.
That seems like reasonable grounds to change your decision.
In fact, I don't see any problem with changing short term decisions based on new circumstances. It's the long terms that should be thought out first and changed less easily.
But without therapy? I think you could do it. But I bet if you got into a bind and called him he'd try to find a way to get you in or talk to you on the phone.
I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Posted by Dinah on June 10, 2005, at 17:11:16
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
Wellll....
I think it's reasonable to be disappointed because you felt ready to take another step forward and weren't able to.
And I'm not the most reasonable person, so I'd probably be resentful that he wasn't as delighted as I was to the point of cooperating all he could to make it happen. And, also perhaps because I'm not terribly reasonable, I'd be annoyed that he phrased it in things that were for his best interests - for example, not wishing to lessen his credibility. Not that I think it would. But that's the sort of statement that my therapist might make and I might think to myself "Did you mean to say that aloud?"
That being said, he's right about result. There's no way a defense attorney worth his salt would choose someone who would be so likely to identify with the victim.
Maybe it's best to concentrate on the fact that you felt ready to do it? What a big step forward!!
Posted by badhaircut on June 10, 2005, at 17:22:19
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
> He won't change his note/write a new one. Thinks that would lessen his credibility.
The last time I went to a psych clinic, they told me up front, in writing, that they would not, could not, write any notes to get me out of anything or provide any expert testimony about my mental status or anything like that. They said if I needed that, I'd have to hire a specialist who could do that & only that. They said any mixing of these roles would compromise therapy.
Not that I wanted them to write a note, and I don't know if they'd stick to this principle in practice...
Posted by daisym on June 10, 2005, at 18:02:38
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
**I also want him to go out of his way so I can get better. I want him to offer to see me at 7AM or 7:30, or in the evening. I understand why he doesn't (and I think that he is probably right to NOT do that), but I *want* him to. I want him to prove that he is invested in my getting better. Maybe I want him to prove to me that if I get better I won't lose therapy (because he'll bend his boundaries to make sure that I don't lose therapy). I don't want to have to choose between life and therapy.**
I think it is understandable to be disappointed that you feel ready to do something but now can't. But I agree with what you wrote above about part of the disappointment is that you perhaps were testing him to see if you are still going to be able to see him as much when you get better or when you need to...etc. I know this is one of my fears. But I guess I don't see him as having failed the test by holding the boundaries because that feels to me like he sees your therapy as super important for you to CONTINUE feeling this good.I agree with Dinah -- be proud of everything you've done over the past few weeks and don't push yourself so hard that you crash. Even people who aren't struggling with all the things you are would be tired after the month you've had. Enjoy feeling strong and perhaps channel that energy into another project. Is there something you need or want to be doing that you could tackle? I know you are also working hard in therapy, this isn't a maintanence or shoring up period, so keeping a regular schedule right now seems important.
I'm so proud of you, Falls. I hope you know that. Love and hugs,
Daisy
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 20:56:08
In reply to Re: Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by AuntieMel on June 10, 2005, at 17:08:17
I do need to talk to him about decisions. It think it was progress for me to be willing to rethink my decision - even if the bottom line was that I won't change it.
I am stronger than I think I am. But I think it is important to control the pace and direction. I think he felt like I was a runaway train today. And he wants to understand what this all means, and help me to transition successfully.
I am changing my identity from crazy disabled person to ??? I haven't a clue what comes next. It probably would be important to figure that out.
Thanks for your faith in me, Auntie Mel.
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 21:33:29
In reply to Re: Jury Duty - Never mind » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on June 10, 2005, at 17:11:16
Yeah, it is a big step forward. And it does feel good. And I'm not as terrified as I have been in the past.
And I am disappointed. But it will be OK.
Thanks, Dinah.
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 21:35:00
In reply to my old T: ''No notes!'', posted by badhaircut on June 10, 2005, at 17:22:19
That seems strange. Would they write notes for the health insurance company? I don't see how it would compromise therapy???
Posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 21:38:47
In reply to Re: Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by daisym on June 10, 2005, at 18:02:38
I do know that you are proud - and that makes me feel good.
I know that therapy is really important right now, too. He and I do agree that keeping up with therapy right now needs to be a priority. Of course he'll go on vacation for 2 weeks in July...
I know he really does want what is best for me. And he was pretty gentle today about saying that it didn't seem like a great idea to him.
I'll have to talk about the dilemma of life vs. therapy. I think that will be important.
Love,
Falls
Posted by badhaircut on June 10, 2005, at 22:25:10
In reply to Re: my old T: ''No notes!'' » badhaircut, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 21:35:00
> Would they write notes for the health insurance company?
I assume they do. I never turned mine in for coverage.
> I don't see how it would compromise therapy???
I guess it's like say the client wants a note to get out of X on emotional grounds. That puts the therapist in too tight a position: maybe the Client would be better served by NOT getting out of X, even though it might be somewhat distressing.
They also said in the brochure that because they have a legal conflict of interest, their testimony as "experts" about a therapy client would not hold up well in court for something like workmen's comp claims.
Again, that may be just their "easy out" clause. Maybe they would provide such notes on a case-by-case basis.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2005, at 9:57:20
In reply to Re: Jury Duty - Never mind » daisym, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 21:38:47
I think to some extent I'm in the same predicament in trying to go back to school. I'll have to drop back to once a week therapy (at most). My therapist may possibly think I'm moving a bit quickly.
I think it's the life vs. therapy thing. I tend to think it's a very good step that I'm willing to consider life.
Posted by Poet on June 12, 2005, at 17:53:51
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
Hi Fallsfall,
You aren't flip flopping, you are just feeling stronger and wonder if you had been chosen for the jury how you would have handled it. Maybe your T is right and you wouldn't have been chosen since the girl involved in the case is your daughter's age.
Try not to beat yourself up over your original decision. Your decision to come to Chicago was a great one, that makes up for not being a juror. It showed your strength and wanting to be normal, than again you were hanging with crazy people. Hope that at least made you smile.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on June 12, 2005, at 18:44:23
In reply to Re: Jury Duty - Never mind » fallsfall, posted by Poet on June 12, 2005, at 17:53:51
Posted by cockeyed on June 14, 2005, at 22:51:04
In reply to Jury Duty - Never mind, posted by fallsfall on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:37
JURY DUTY!!! My goodness, me. Well, I swan.
I want nothing to do with the criminal justice system. "deformation professional" is a french term for my situation. I was once a do-gooder who spent about ten years of my life dealing with...those who might be considered prime candidates for a 'firmly structured environment' pardon this rant but JURY DUTY means "in custody" to me. I want no part of it. Yet I'm "summoned" every year. There is a one major factoid one should realize about the system...lawyers are notoriously last minute about everything. I have noted in very large red letters that I'm a retired employee of the "corrections system"
I want nothing to do with going thru metal detectors or being "voir dired" because I can not accept the damn system. I learned too much about set-ups and prosecutorial scams...sorry if I'm being uncivil but I'm related to a long line of civil servants. As far as I'm concerned JURY DUTY is a form of incarceration. I can't handle it. I did my time on the installment plan and I don't consider myself fit to judge some poor slob, okay, I'm being uncivil, but I believe that any crime involving a firearm should be punishable by the most extreme measures. Frankly, I loathe criminals and am too warped to make an informed consideration. I realize I'm Blah-blahing, but I'm not fit to be a juror.
Still, every year, I'm summoned like clock work and every year I have to produce medical testimony that I can't serve. Damn me but I'm a hard case. Guilty. Plain and simple...but that's not reality. I know that, yet I can't get past my repulsion for the whole deal.
Lord, but I can't stop. Why I'm writing this I'm not sure...but I don't for one minute trust the system because I was part of it. Cockeyed.
This is the end of the thread.
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