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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:24:55
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:16:56
There I think.. I just got the answer. Movies - and perhaps songs.. I think they are a wonderful wonderful tool for direct emotional healing. I think our emotions are based on pictures.. not words.
I am going to see lot of movies - good family movies. lot of positive family stuff like "Sound of music".. Good thing about Indian movies is there are lot of family themes instead of this usually non family oriented western movies. Anybody has seen indian movies? I think they are a wonderful cure for emotional trauma - especially related to family problems. Any body agrees?
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 19:32:38
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:16:56
That's a wonderful realization to make, Pinkeye. That you weren't to blame. And of course, you really weren't.
My therapist is always telling me I just didn't have as much power as I thought I did. That a child just doesn't have that much power over what a parent does. But while I personally might not have forced them to stay together (at least not the time I was an infant), my existance almost certainly did.
I never needed an apology from my father for my life in general. Towards the end of his life when he got angry and said hurtful things to me, he apologized at the time. But for my life in general? No, absolutely not. I'm just glad I got a chance to thank him for all he did for me, and to tell him how much I loved him, and that he not only heard but reflected back to me that he did in fact know how much I loved him and how grateful I was to him.
I'm not saying living with him was easy, because it wasn't. But he didn't need to apologize to me. I had forgiven and understood long since.
I'm relatively certain that an apology from my mother would mean nothing to me, unless accompanied by a change in her actions.
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:35:02
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:24:55
And one day, perhaps, we all can take a good movie about a therapy relationship. How the patient heals, and understands and copes up with transference, and most especially, terminates well. And both the patient and the T lives happily ever after.
This board and the movie will become a mandatory training for all therapists. Otherwise, they will fail their finals and never become therapists :-)
Oh.. please ignore me. I am just self talking.. Is Dr. Bob going to block me? I haven't done even a little bit of work today - and they will fire me if I proceed in this way. Pinkeye - shut up and get back to work. I am actually in a good mood.
Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 19:38:55
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:35:02
Ok, as long as there is one character who continues therapy until she is lucky enough to predecease her therapist and husband.
Termination may teach some important lessons.
But not everyone needs to learn all lessons.
Now back to work with ye.
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:48:07
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 19:38:55
Skip the last part of the movie :-).. I think you cannot even bear to watch it.
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 20:54:55
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) Dinah » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 19:24:55
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 20:59:31
In reply to Love Sound of Music! (nm), posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 20:54:55
Want to be like her. I don't actually care about anything else.. And I have never seen a movie where there is so much of joy in a person and where it had been portrayed so well.
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:00:21
In reply to Pinkeye?, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 19:04:02
Isn't there a new movie out about therapy? I thought I heard about something, but maybe I was daydreaming. ( at least it wasn't about t) lol
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:03:12
In reply to new therapy movie?, posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:00:21
No need for therapy when you can watch such movies.
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:09:58
In reply to Forget about therapy movie. Sound of music will do » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:03:12
These are my a few of my favorite things! lol
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:15:02
In reply to Raindrops on roses and whiskers on T's,, posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:09:58
Why pollute such a happy movie with a T in it? In worlds like the world of Sound of Music, there should be no need for Ts.. Everyone will be happy and who will have time for a T?
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:17:51
In reply to Oh No.. How about no Ts for a change? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:15:02
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:19:57
In reply to Oh No.. How about no Ts for a change? » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:15:02
Sorry I am in a nutty kind of mood tonight, sorry to ruin your non t movie. I am crazy tonight. :)
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:21:59
In reply to Re: Oh No.. How about no Ts for a change?, posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:19:57
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:25:16
In reply to What's a T hat? (nm) » happyflower, posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:21:59
I know you like your T, so feel free to bring him in. But no T ing business. He can come and enjoy simply. :-)
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:57:09
In reply to Ts not acting as Ts. But simply human - like us. » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 21:25:16
So if he isn't wearing his T hat, and he is watching a movie with me, then he isn't my T, right? So we can make out, then? lol
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:08:06
In reply to Re: Ts not acting as Ts. But simply human - like us., posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:57:09
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:20:54
In reply to As you wish :-) But Not For Me. Got over it :-) (nm) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:08:06
I think, that just maybe, I am over my excessive liking towards my T.. Just maybe.. Isn't that great? Just struck me.. right now. I don't feel all that excessive need.. Suddenly dawned on me.
I think I have been foolishly hurting myself too much..I think I like him as a person a lot.. but suddenly has dawned on me that he is not my dad - he never was, and he is not my husband. And I am happy.
What just happened?
Posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 22:25:28
In reply to Hmm.. What just happened? » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:20:54
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:34:30
In reply to Must of been the music! lol (nm), posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 22:25:28
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 23:16:55
In reply to Better be for good :-) It is about time :-) LOL (nm) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:34:30
I just so enjoy your spontaneous comments :-) You deserve your name.
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 23:19:39
In reply to Re: Ts not acting as Ts. But simply human - like us., posted by happyflower on May 6, 2005, at 21:57:09
Well wait, what about the ethics committe? :-))To hell with them? :-)
Posted by Tamar on May 7, 2005, at 8:57:10
In reply to Hmm.. What just happened? » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 22:20:54
> I think, that just maybe, I am over my excessive liking towards my T.. Just maybe.. Isn't that great? Just struck me.. right now. I don't feel all that excessive need.. Suddenly dawned on me.
>
> I think I have been foolishly hurting myself too much..I think I like him as a person a lot.. but suddenly has dawned on me that he is not my dad - he never was, and he is not my husband. And I am happy.
>
> What just happened?
Wow! That sounds like a good thing, yes? Hope it stays with you, especially the happy feeling!Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on May 7, 2005, at 15:15:38
In reply to Re: Hmm.. What just happened? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 7, 2005, at 8:57:10
Thanks Tamar. I think I am getting over my transference.. but I still like my ex T.. Is that wrong? Does that mean I still have transference?
Posted by littleone on May 7, 2005, at 18:12:16
In reply to Re: Pinkeye? (very long) » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 18:45:55
Firstly, I know that children can be traumatised by watching another sibling or parent being abused (especially physically). It may be worthwhile thinking about what sort of affect it had on you to see your brother abused by your father.
Another thing is that traumatised kids will dissociate in various ways to ensure that they can separate the abusive parent into good and bad so that they can still maintain a relationship with the good part of the parent. I know you're pretty proficient at dissociating, so it may be worthwhile thinking about how that has come into play with your relationship with your dad.
Dinah, I'm am currently having a very difficult time trying to accept that my parents were (are?) abusive/neglectful. I'm kind of at the stage where I really need to sit down and consider what core beliefs are being threatened or triggered by trying to accept this.
I think you do this by saying "what would that mean to me. And then, what would that answer mean to me. And then, what would that second answer mean to me" and that's supposed to lead you to your core belief. Don't know if it actually works yet. My brain keeps glancing off all this.
But I think that's a little bit further down the acceptance road than what you are at.
Have you thought about how you would feel if your son was treated in the manner you were treated by your dad? Try to think of how it would help or harm him.
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