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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
I always feel like therapy is like self indulgence.. I mean, like there are people with much worse problems in life, and they are just fine. I am relatively much better off than most people, and if I am just going and talking about myself and paying for it to someone and doing all this regressing to childhood etc, it feels like way too much of indulgence. And it feels really guilty sometime.
Any of you guys feel that way?
I sometimes console myself that I will somehow kind of compensate for all this indulgence later in some way - by kind of helping others or in some way helping other people and pull them out and help them lead a good life. But I am wondering if I will ever do that any time. And besides, I feel what am I going to do, by getting better anyways? Why waste so much of insuarance money and everybody's time?
Posted by annierose on May 5, 2005, at 18:00:25
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
Yes, I feel like therapy is indulgent, but not in a negative sense. I feel lucky to be able to afford both the time & money to commit to this process. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful therapist at my side to guide me along.
I had a similar conversation last week in therapy. I told her that I feel so lucky to be living the life I have now. But, she pointed out, so much of my energy is spent trying bury the past I grew up with.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 18:40:04
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
Sort of, but I figure the person to benefit most is my son. And I want him to have the best start in life he can have.
However, I'm still assuming that in twenty years I'll be the subject of his therapy. :)
Posted by Shortelise on May 5, 2005, at 19:31:23
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
it felt like self indulgence when I felt like I didn't deserve it.
ShortE
Posted by annierose on May 5, 2005, at 19:59:21
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by Shortelise on May 5, 2005, at 19:31:23
Posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 21:04:51
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by Shortelise on May 5, 2005, at 19:31:23
I feel I don't deserve it too...But it feels like an addiction sometimes.. especially with my ex T. I almost felt like I was starved for some understanding, and needed that desperately.
But now, I don't feel that desperate anymore - I feel like stopping therapy. But my T says it is little too soon. That I haven't fully overcome issues with my dad.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2005, at 21:38:31
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by Shortelise on May 5, 2005, at 19:31:23
Posted by Tamar on May 6, 2005, at 3:37:31
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
> I always feel like therapy is like self indulgence.. I mean, like there are people with much worse problems in life, and they are just fine. I am relatively much better off than most people, and if I am just going and talking about myself and paying for it to someone and doing all this regressing to childhood etc, it feels like way too much of indulgence. And it feels really guilty sometime.
Well, different people deal with things in different ways. Some people appear to deal with terrible traumas without any need for therapy. Other people seem to need therapy for things that others would never consider a crisis. It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and compare ourselves negatively. But we never really know what’s going on in a person’s mind. People who seem to cope with problems at the time might need therapy years later. People who seek therapy for so-called ‘minor problems’ might have other major (and possibly hidden) problems to deal with.
> Any of you guys feel that way?
> I sometimes console myself that I will somehow kind of compensate for all this indulgence later in some way - by kind of helping others or in some way helping other people and pull them out and help them lead a good life. But I am wondering if I will ever do that any time.You are already doing it! Your wise and thoughtful contributions here at Babble are an obvious example. I know you’ve said some things in posts to me that have really helped a lot, and I’m sure lots of other babblers would agree.
(((((pinkeye)))))
Posted by cricket on May 6, 2005, at 7:34:43
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
I certainly felt like it was an indulgence before I started therapy, although not in the way you stated as something for people with worse problems. But rather I thought it was something for financially well off people with nothing better to do than talk about themselves. In fact, I said those exact same words to my T the first couple of times we met. "I think that therapy is just a middle class indulgence."
But now, 3 years into the process, have my views ever changed. For me, therapy has been everything but an indulgence. It's been heart-wrenching, terrifying and exhausting. At some times soothing and comforting and at other times a living h***. But mostly it has turned into something I feel like I need, some basic attention that I never had and now has become as necessary as food and drink.
I always think that I am doing this for the good of others and it's not just a consolation on my part, it is something I actively dedicate each and every therapy session to (it's part of my religion to think this). Starting with my son as Dinah said and then extending out to everyone else that I will be able to touch as a more whole, happier, healthier human being.
But I certainly know what you mean, I spend half of every week determined to quit because I think I am wasting my T's time.
Posted by Shortelise on May 6, 2005, at 12:10:14
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you? » pinkeye, posted by cricket on May 6, 2005, at 7:34:43
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 13:49:28
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you? » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on May 6, 2005, at 3:37:31
Thanks Tamar for the post. I always enjoy reading your posts. You have a nice way of writing things.. kind of nice and fluid way..
I think that is why they elected you as a teacher :-) Did I remember that correctly that you are a teacher?
I try to help here little bit, because otherwise, it would make me feel extremely guilty. To take all the help and not give anything back. And actually nowadays even more than what I learn in actualy therapy sessions, the kind of rewriting everything here and getting people's feedback has helped me immensely. I feel like I have 20 Ts now :-).
You were right about some people having more different needs than others. And you never know when someone might collapse. I was actually for outside world completely fine till I was 25.. people thought I was extremely strong, and cheerful and nice and happy. While inside I was crumbling down.
Posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 13:57:07
In reply to Re: Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you? » pinkeye, posted by cricket on May 6, 2005, at 7:34:43
Actually I also agreed to meet my ex T first because my dad wanted me to. And I was hurting my husband way more than I should have..And I felt sorry for them. And I like to think that they are much more happier now because of my therapy.. Otherwise I will be taking out everything on them, and will end up making their lives hell. That is a pretty good point you brought up.
Posted by antigua on May 6, 2005, at 16:14:51
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
Yes, sometimes I have felt that it was self-indulgent, but then I look at my children. I am a much better mother because of therapy. I have happy, well-adjusted kids and every penny I've spent has been well worth it for me and my kids. They, of course, will end up dealing with their own issues, but I'm not repeating my childhood through them.
antigua
Posted by B2chica on May 7, 2005, at 16:22:26
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
Definately!
i feel very selfish and underserving. that my problems i make into problems when they really aren't. or i feel weak for not being able to 'suck it up' and deal with them on my own.
but i guess that's why i need therapy. cuz apparently 'sucking it up' just only works so long.
and everyone should have someone to help them along this very long and winding road of life.
Posted by sleepygirl on May 9, 2005, at 19:16:11
In reply to Does therapy feel like indulgence to any of you?, posted by pinkeye on May 5, 2005, at 17:08:54
You betcha,
I'm sometimes wasting everybody's time, my T's and my doc's. But, I'm firmly committed to making the best of my life. Yeah I get the whole 'suck it up' idea, but I think that's just surviving, and people can 'survive' a lot god knows, but it takes more to live. Really in the end, you've only got yourself, and I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean there's really only one life you can save. Anyway, I try to help a lot of people, with experiences worse than mine, and there's just no way I could do that without the self-care.
This is the end of the thread.
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