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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
Lately I've been feeling really silly about going to therapy because everything in my life is ok and I'm on an even keel. I'm not depressed; I'm not in crisis; I'm not having relationship issues; I like my job; I'm taking good care of myself. It's weird.I feel embarrassed every time I go to therapy and I have no idea what to talk about. It's not that I don't have any problems or "issues" -- I have plenty. But without one particular one pressing on me (as one does when I'm in a crisis), it's hard to choose. Nothing seems urgent or important enough.
Today I talked about a dream I had in which Madonna (the pop star -- not Jesus's mother) was touching my breasts. It was rather pleasant.
See what I mean?
Posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 15:41:47
In reply to What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
Why don't you take a therapy break?
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 15:51:57
In reply to Re: What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by Susan47 on May 2, 2005, at 15:41:47
I don't feel like taking a break. I think this is actually a good opportunity to address issues that never get addressed when I'm in crisis mode. I'm just not sure how to go about it.
Posted by thewrite1 on May 2, 2005, at 16:05:49
In reply to Re: What do you talk about when everything's fine? » Susan47, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 15:51:57
Maybe you could share that with your T and she'd be more likely to "push" you?
Posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2005, at 18:29:45
In reply to What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
How nice to hear that you have no current crisis!!!
You might try to free associate. Maybe not in the strict sense, but using that kind of approach. To do this, don't plan what you will talk about, don't make a list of possible topics, just show up at therapy. When you get there, tell her you don't have a topic picked out, and that you are just going to talk for a little bit and see what comes out. Then talk. Don't try to make it make sense. Don't try to stay on whatever topic you start talking about. Just tell her what you are thinking (I usually start with "I have no idea what to talk about. I don't know what to do with that." etc. for a while.). When something pops into your head, say it. It doesn't matter if it seems trivial or unrelated or rude or anything.
Usually when I do this after about 5 or 10 minutes I end up talking about something. Or sometimes I will have talked about a couple of things, but (amazingly) they tend to tie together.
Some of my best sessions have been ones where I didn't have a topic when I went in.
This can take some practice, so don't expect it to be easy (don't expect to feel "successful" the first couple of times you try it). But just trying to be really honest (by telling her what you are really thinking about) can be important.
Congrats on being out of crisis!!!
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 19:37:30
In reply to Re: What do you talk about when everything's fine? » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2005, at 18:29:45
Great advice, falls, thank you. Of course, this is what my T always tells me to do also but you helped me to picture how it would really work, feel, etc.I'm going to try it.
Posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 19:47:05
In reply to Re: What do you talk about when everything's fine? » crushedout, posted by thewrite1 on May 2, 2005, at 16:05:49
I'm not sure if pushing would help but I could ask her to try that. I'm not sure where I'd want her to push me is the problem. I guess that's why the free association idea makes sense. Maybe it would help me figure out what's most important.
Posted by annierose on May 2, 2005, at 21:35:02
In reply to What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
Hi Crushed -
Good to see you on the boards again. I wondered what you've been up to. So proud that you are doing great with the new (not so new anymore) T.I agree with Falls. I rarely go into my sessions with a topic, unless something happened that I need to sort out. Otherwise, I begin by saying, "Nothing is going on that I need to talk about" and then I listen to the silence. Sometimes something pops into my head right away. Other times, I don't want to say what pops into my head. :) If I'm too quiet for too long (3 or 4 minutes) she'll try to engage me.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2005, at 7:57:25
In reply to What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
Which tends to jump start what turn out to be productive sessions.
Or I get bored and think about reducing sessions.
If he's participatory it really helps. If he follows my lead we often stagnate.
Sometimes I ask "Is there something you want to ask me but haven't? Now would be a good time."
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2005, at 9:50:36
In reply to I bring in something from babble, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2005, at 7:57:25
> Sometimes I ask "Is there something you want to ask me but haven't? Now would be a good time."I like that idea! Does he ever have anything?
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2005, at 11:52:54
In reply to Re: I bring in something from babble » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2005, at 9:50:36
Posted by crushedout on May 3, 2005, at 12:23:21
In reply to Yep (nm) » crushedout, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2005, at 11:52:54
Wow. That's so fascinating. What kinds of things would he bring up?
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2005, at 12:56:29
In reply to Re: Yep » Dinah, posted by crushedout on May 3, 2005, at 12:23:21
Well, I can't remember every time. :)
The first time he asked me if I'd ever been abused and was too ashamed to tell him.
There is some level of him even now that can't quite believe I haven't been. But he's respectful that I'm being honest when I say no.
Posted by pinkeye on May 4, 2005, at 21:41:22
In reply to What do you talk about when everything's fine?, posted by crushedout on May 2, 2005, at 14:15:10
Crushedout,
I am amazed at the growth you have had.. I remember how much you used to feel bad about your feelings about your ex T a while back.
I am glad you found your ground again.
Non crisis times are perfect oppurtunity to dig a little deeper and understand issues that you think could help you - either now or little later.It doens't always need to be a crisis - response mode. It could be preventive mode also.
Posted by crushedout on May 5, 2005, at 8:03:07
In reply to Re: What do you talk about when everything's fine? » crushedout, posted by pinkeye on May 4, 2005, at 21:41:22
Posted by crushedout on May 6, 2005, at 13:49:08
In reply to exactly right. (nm) » pinkeye, posted by crushedout on May 5, 2005, at 8:03:07
We tried a little free-associating. We discussed the possibility of me lying on the couch. I told her I found that embarrassing.I just find the idea of moving to the couch embarrassing. Once I was there, I think I would be ok. Except that I also worry I might start touching myself inappropriately. I wasn't able to tell her this, although I told her I was afraid I would do something inappropriate and then told her I was too embarrassed to tell her what (she said that's a good start, at least admitting that I'm not telling her stuff) but I bet she could guess what I was thinking.
Posted by fallsfall on May 6, 2005, at 17:38:43
In reply to I talked about this thread with my T yesterday, posted by crushedout on May 6, 2005, at 13:49:08
Good for you, Crushed! You are working very hard. I'm glad you can be so honest with her. The rest of the details will come in time.
I don't lie on the couch, but I think I get the same effect by not looking at him. We are still quite connected, but at those times I go farther inside myself.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 6, 2005, at 18:59:42
In reply to Re: I talked about this thread with my T yesterday » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on May 6, 2005, at 17:38:43
> Good for you, Crushed! You are working very hard. I'm glad you can be so honest with her. The rest of the details will come in time.
I agree!
>
> I don't lie on the couch, but I think I get the same effect by not looking at him. We are still quite connected, but at those times I go farther inside myself.Wow, I don't look at my T much, and when I do, it's not for all that long. Here I was beating myself up for being too chicken for eye contact, when really, it's to help me think and experience.
Thanks, falls. I feel so much better. :)
gg
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