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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
I pay my T a lot less than I used to due to cutting my hours to Part-time once I had my baby. She's been very willing to work with me on that. I got a small raise in July and offered her a little more as a result. I don't want to cheat her as I feel there's not enough money in the world to pay her what she's worth to me.
Something has happened that will prevent me from working for awhile. I told her I wouldn't be able to come in and she said she'd do phone sessions. I told her the problem is more that I won't be able to pay her. It's going to be a huge undertaking for my husband and I to just be able to make our mortage and eat. She told me to come up with a figure that I could afford.
The figure that I could come up with would be so insulting that I'd be afraid to ask her. I don't want to feel like I owe her or that I'm taking advantage of her. I told my T that and she said, "I don't feel that you've ever taken advantage of me or that you ever would."
It makes me very uncomfortable putting her in that position. She says we've been doing important work and we need to maintain contact so that the work can continue. I don't want to not have therapy, but I don't want to throw some insulting number at her either. *sigh*
Posted by gardenergirl on March 27, 2005, at 11:22:38
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
I can understand why you would worry about it being insulting, especially after you have worked with her before at a different fee. Please keep in mind, however, that many T's do see a certain number of clients at a very low or even for now fee. It's part of professional service to do this. So she may have room in her caseload at this time to offer this to you.
Try to separate out the emotional meaning attached to money from the business transaction you need in order to keep coming to therapy. You too can talk about any feelings arise in your phone sessions, but please don't let this stop you from continuing your therapy--not if she is willing to continue.
But I do understand. I get so twisted up about money, too.
Take care and good luck. I hope it works out.
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2005, at 13:20:18
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
Listen to Gardenergirl. I know it makes for some awkwardness, that's inevitable. But your therapist wouldn't have offered (believe me!) if she hadn't been ok with it. Many therapists do have sliding scales, including pro bono work, especially with continuing clients.
And you can pay her back if you ever are in a position to do so, or pay it forward if you aren't.
And I really do understand the tensions involved. So I'm not saying it lightly.
Posted by Shortelise on March 27, 2005, at 13:47:24
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
I very much agree with GG. And she knows, right? But the hard part is telling your T the embarrassing number...hm...
Could you tell her how much a month? If you can pay $30 a month, and you tell her in terms of a month, it doesn't sound maybe as paltry a sum.
I wouldn't like the idea of paying her back - sorry Dinah - but I would feel in debt to her all the time, and that would interfere for me.
I would root a slip from my roses for her garden, make an extra batch of cookies when I'm baking, do little things that cost nearly nothing but that express payment in a way - if that's something you might feel ok with.
It is my opinion that for a therapist to stop seeing a client for financial reasons in the middle of therapy is unethical. She is doing the right thing.
I hope you can let go of any guilt you feel about this and get on with therapy. That you are making progress is a big pay off for a therapist.
ShortE
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 16:48:06
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
Wow.
You have restored my faith that there are some genuine therapists in the world.
:-)
You want to hang on to that one.
(Though if you decide not to - could you post her over to me???)I would write the amount down so that I wouldn't have to say it. I would probably mutter something about how embarrasing it is - and that I know she is worth a lot more than that as I handed it over. I can understand how that part is embarrasing.
But I'd do it.
I think Shortelise is right - there are lots of little things you can do to show her that you really appreciate her. Cookies are good :-)
I also agree that she has an ethical obligation to do just what she is doing now (unless she can't afford it either or whatever). But many don't seem to see it that way and so you are lucky.
Like you said - you would pay her if you could.
But you can't.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 17:57:41
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
Thanks to everyone for your input. I guess I will just run the number by her, but I think I'll tell her what I said first (that there's not enough money in the world). I'm still nervous about it. I wouldn't be able to write it down because I will speaking to her on the phone. I like the idea of doing things for her that don't cost anything. That was a good idea.
Thanks again, you guys are great!
Posted by rockymtnhi on March 27, 2005, at 20:42:57
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
Hi,
I hope you don't mind me jumping in here.
I too, work in a professional field and have taken on work and low-cost or no-cost. I am careful about who I do this type of work for and when. If your T is offering to continue working with you, she has already considered the payment structure. She is prepared to take what you offer.
I do tell my clients that when things turn around for them, I hope that they will extend the kindness to someone else who is in need. That is payment enough for me.
Please don't be embarrassed - I suspect she already knows that you can afford. She might be honored that you are able to discuss this with her.
BTW, the nicest gift that I ever received was from a client. They donated a pair of new shoes to a child in a homeless shelter in my name. I was very touched because my family was poor when I was growing up and a new pair of shoes would have been like a gift from heaven. The client didn't know that, but I did. There are all kinds of ways to express kindness in someone else's name.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 21:15:29
In reply to Re: Payment of services, posted by rockymtnhi on March 27, 2005, at 20:42:57
:-)
>I do tell my clients that when things turn around for them, I hope that they will extend the kindness to someone else who is in need. That is payment enough for me.
Yeah, I like that one.
I have that philosophy too.
'What goes around comes around'.
A bit like the 'paying it foward' idea.
It doesn't even have to be to the person you got the favour from. Just reflect on the kindness that some people have and pass that foward to the next person.:-)
Posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 23:53:22
In reply to Re: Payment of services » thewrite1, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 16:48:06
No way, you can't have my T! I still refuse to admit to myself that she has other clients. :-)
Trust me, though, I know she's one of the good ones. I've been through a lot with her in the past 3 1/2 years.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 28, 2005, at 0:00:17
In reply to Re: Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 23:53:22
Posted by pinkeye on March 28, 2005, at 18:19:03
In reply to Re: Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 23:53:22
You can also tell her if you wish that you will compensate for what you cannot pay now at a later date when you can afford it. That way, you will also not feel insulted. Make a note of what you would like to pay her, and keep that in mind, and at a later date when you have more money, pay her.
Posted by thewrite1 on March 30, 2005, at 14:52:50
In reply to Payment of services, posted by thewrite1 on March 27, 2005, at 10:54:13
Well, I spoke with my T today. Cried for 20 minutes would probably be a more accurate description. She insists on talking again on Sat. and has agreed to the minimal fee that I might be able to pay her. She says that I've always been good about honoring my commitment to her both financially and by showing up and that I really need this to get through this stressful time. I know she's right, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it all. I am glad that she agreed to talk to me 'cause if I didn't have that, I'd feel like I was completely going through this alone.
This is the end of the thread.
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