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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
Ok, no snickering from the peanut gallery. Yes, of course I went back to get my valued possession. On the way out there I had an epiphany--I believed that because of the relationship and my strong feelings for my father, I ralized that I thought that only a man could break down the wall. There is a sexual component to this, that's obvious, but it has to do w/the csa too and how my father made me feel and how sinful and shameful that was.
On the way to my appt., I realized that it didn't HAVE to be a man, maybe I could let my T hold me through it.
So it was the most incredible session we ever had. No holding today, I told her I'm not ready for it and I still don't fully believe that;s the solution, but she worked hard on it today. So many connections (from both of us) came tumbling out and we were both amazed. I can't remember it all.
I spent time explaining why I thought leaving was the right thing and she certainly didn't agree with me.
So, when I pull this act again, remind me that it's my maternal transference. But I really block at there being any type of sexual maternal transference. Anyone heard of this?
I did learn a lot about the difference for me having a male vs. female T. It might have been easier for me to have a male, and I might be getting through this sooner, but the maternal aspect has helped me so much as a mother.
So, while there can be despair, THERE IS HOPE. It's so very hard before the breakthroughs. But as you all advise me and I advise others, hold on. Just spill it all there in your own and don't leave anything out; sometimes the littlest things we think are insignificant are huge to them (well, that's true for the psychodynamic model).
Thank you very much everyone. I'm in a much better place today and I value your opinions; you really made me consider other ideas.
best,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on March 16, 2005, at 17:26:14
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
I'm so glad for you! You went through h*ll for that incredible session and you deserve it.
I bookmark my posts that remind me why I do things that I don't always remember on my own. Can you print out your post? Or put it on your favorites list?
Posted by namaste on March 16, 2005, at 18:00:20
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
Yeah what is sexual maternal transference? Maybe i got it!
Posted by annierose on March 16, 2005, at 19:25:46
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
So glad you worked through this. So does this mean you made another appointment :)
Our T's must be strong to deflect all the pain we sling at them sometimes. I think they know it's just part of some larger hurt in our past. Glad you made the appointment.
And thank you too for responding to my post.
Annierose
Posted by Poet on March 16, 2005, at 19:35:23
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
Hi Antigua,
You did it! You broke down the wall and it is never going back up again.
I hope I can keep going until I am ready to spill.
You are an inspiration.
Poet
Posted by Daisym on March 17, 2005, at 10:26:38
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
I knew you would figure it out. I've been away but following your threads.
So I have to ask -- what does "holding you through it" look like to you? Are you wanting her to physically hold you, or are you talking the emotional stuff?
I've talked with my therapist about doing this work with a woman or a man, given my issues with my mother. He always says he things the gender of the therapist ultimately doesn't matter as much as the connection the two people can make. But as you noted, the length of time changes. It would have taken me so much longer to break through if I needed to keep proving to a woman (my mother) that I was strong enough to deal with it and not cry.
I'm glad you had a great session. You are really amazing.
Posted by Tamar on March 17, 2005, at 12:37:32
In reply to Update/T session today**trigger**, posted by antigua on March 16, 2005, at 17:04:54
I'm so glad to hear you had such a good session.
I think the gender of the therapist can make a bit of a difference, but probably the connection is more important. As for a sexual maternal transference... it seems that people can experience erotic transferences that don't follow their usual orientation. So it's possible for a straight woman to have an erotic transference for a female T, even if it's a maternal transference. It's even possible to have maternal transference for a male T. I think it takes a bit of getting used to, but it starts to makes sense when you work through your feelings.
Well done: you worked hard for that great session. You really deserved it!
Tamar
This is the end of the thread.
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