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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by littleone on February 27, 2005, at 21:21:13
In my latest write up to my T, I mention that I'm not connected to him at all anymore. That he's just an animated piece of furniture in the room.
He has said before that people can say anything to him and he doesn't mind. Even if they call him a @#%&$#*#$ (insert any profanity here), then he knows that it says more about them than him.
Still, does "an animated piece of furniture" sound too harsh? I kind of think it sounds more cruel than any normal sort of insult.
PS, re that thread about asking your T's about what happens when they kick the bucket, it was mentioned that it sounds too tacky to ask for a referral now *just in case*. But I have been really itching to do just that. Part of me suspects that I'm trying to punish him, but another part thinks, "yeah, but it's practical - don't want to be left up the creek if it ever eventuates".
Posted by Shortelise on February 28, 2005, at 0:12:24
In reply to Animated furniture, posted by littleone on February 27, 2005, at 21:21:13
You may find this kind of amusing: I told my T for the longest time that he didn't really exist. I don't know if that's better or worse than calling him an animated piece of furniture.
:-)
What I meant was that he was an actor, playing a part, not a real person in the room.
ShortE
Posted by annierose on February 28, 2005, at 6:44:21
In reply to Re: Animated furniture » littleone, posted by Shortelise on February 28, 2005, at 0:12:24
But I feel like they are real people in the room that really do care and want to help, otherwise, I don't think they could do their job. Maybe it's hard to feel their caring and/or supportive ways. When I went to therapy years ago (after college) I felt more like you. This was her job, .... you know the rest. Now, going back, I do feel her presence. I know she wants to help me. Besides age + time, not sure what changed for me.
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:54:15
In reply to Animated furniture, posted by littleone on February 27, 2005, at 21:21:13
I told my therapist for years that he could rent me his office and it would be as useful as him being there. That it was the office that soothed me.
And I think it's not a bad idea to ask who they think you should see if they die. :) My therapist would probably say that he has no immediate plans to die, and all the currently practicing therapists wouldn't do me any good by time he dies. :) The man's an optimist, bless him.
Posted by littleone on February 28, 2005, at 14:20:55
In reply to Re: Animated furniture » littleone, posted by Shortelise on February 28, 2005, at 0:12:24
> What I meant was that he was an actor, playing a part, not a real person in the room.
I know exactly how you feel.
I had a dream many months ago that I brought to my T to get deciphered. In it, he was actually a dwarf with artificial legs fitted so he looked normal height. And that is why he always wears long trousers. To hide his artificial legs.
We worked out that it was all about how I think he is fake. Like the him in the room with me isn't the same him in his normal life.
And I've actually just realised now that the trouser part is probably about how I think he hides himself behind his T role.
Posted by littleone on February 28, 2005, at 14:28:15
In reply to Re: Animated furniture » Shortelise, posted by littleone on February 28, 2005, at 14:20:55
Sorry, that isn't fair. I know he's not being fake. That he is being genuine with me. I don't know.
The animated furniture comment isn't really about him being fake. It's more about me and how I just don't feel connected to him at all. Like he's just a thing to me, not a person. Feeling nothingness for him.
But that's just how I feel now. Ask me again in an hour's time and I'll tell you how much I love my T. How fantabulous he is.
Posted by littleone on February 28, 2005, at 14:31:42
In reply to Re: Animated furniture, posted by annierose on February 28, 2005, at 6:44:21
> Maybe it's hard to feel their caring and/or supportive ways.
Yeah. I think I need sledgehammer therapy.
Posted by littleone on February 28, 2005, at 14:40:48
In reply to Re: Animated furniture » littleone, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:54:15
> I told my therapist for years that he could rent me his office and it would be as useful as him being there. That it was the office that soothed me.
I can definately relate. When my T was on leave, I just wanted to go sit in the hallway of his building and inhale the special smell of the place. But I didn't want him to pop in during his time off and see me there and get all weirded out.
I told him about this and he didn't seem to get weirded out, so next time he's on leave, I'm gonna practically live in that hallway. I'll just weird out the cleaners instead.
> And I think it's not a bad idea to ask who they think you should see if they die. :) My therapist would probably say that he has no immediate plans to die, and all the currently practicing therapists wouldn't do me any good by time he dies. :) The man's an optimist, bless him.
Oh, I love this. Thanks for my chuckles. I suspect that my T won't give me a name. I still feel like doing a runner and giving me a name would be like handing me the keys to the car.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 18:42:47
In reply to Animated furniture, posted by littleone on February 27, 2005, at 21:21:13
He answered "Go to my funeral".
And now I'm positive that he doesn't read the board, because I answered with my conviction that the woman crying hardest at a funeral should be the widow and he practically snorted coffee through his nose, he laughed so hard.
Then he said that I should probably go to a therapist to process my grief, though he wasn't sure that would do me any good (modest soul, isn't he?). And he gave me the name of someone, and said that if he was still practicing, he'd probably be a good fit. Well, first he jokingly suggested the pdoc from h*ll. Obviously he doesn't like to think of me going to another therapist. lol.
I told him that I had expected him to tell me that all currently practicing therapist would be long gone by then, and he said he certainly hoped so!
Oh, and initially he said "You mean, while you're still in therapy with me?" I told him, of course, unless I managed to predecease him. Duh.
Posted by littleone on March 2, 2005, at 20:17:00
In reply to I asked him what I should do if he dies » littleone, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 18:42:47
Oh you make me laugh :)
When my T reads my write ups, he has these little mannerisms that give him away. I think a loud breath means he's releasing tension or is unhappy about what I've written. A toe point (he sits cross legged) I think means he's considering something and a full on foot waggle means I've hit a nerve with him.
I asked mine on Friday about what would happen if he kicked the bucket and I can tell you that there was *a lot* of foot waggling involved. He most certainly does not like to consider his own demise or retirement or anything like that.
Anyway, he didn't really know if I could go to the funeral or not because he wouldn't be organising the d*mn thing.
And he did think hard, but couldn't come up with a name for someone else I could see. He said that none of them were really very good. We're in a major city with hundreds of shrinks, so I really don't know what to make of that comment. Also, I wonder if he thinks he falls into the not-very-good categoy, or if he believes he's the only one in town who is decent. Neither one really sits very well with me.
Oh, and re the animated furniture comment, he was actually glad that I thought he was animated. Definately a glass half full kind of guy.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 21:31:35
In reply to Re: I asked him what I should do if he dies » Dinah, posted by littleone on March 2, 2005, at 20:17:00
So we both found the answer to our questions. :)
And we both found that we have optimistic therapists, and ones that are... hmmm... full of confidence? Maybe the two traits are related.
I like how you can read him by his body motions. Even with my eyes closed, I can feel my therapist's reactions. And *they* are the therapists! I'll bet we can read their reactions much better than they can read ours.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 0:19:10
In reply to Re: I asked him what I should do if he dies » littleone, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2005, at 21:31:35
Oh my. I wish I were still videotaping sessions. Now I'm self-conscious about what I might be doing. :-)
gg
Posted by littleone on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:06
In reply to Re: I asked him what I should do if he dies, posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 0:19:10
> Oh my. I wish I were still videotaping sessions. Now I'm self-conscious about what I might be doing. :-)
> ggYou should ask your T. I'm sure he would know all your tells by now. It's his job to read people.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 15:06:40
In reply to Re: I asked him what I should do if he dies » gardenergirl, posted by littleone on March 3, 2005, at 14:43:06
Lol, that's a good idea. I was actually thinking about how I appear as a T to my clients. What are my T tells?
gg
Posted by Skittles on March 3, 2005, at 20:39:22
In reply to Re: I asked him what I should do if he dies » littleone, posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 15:06:40
I'm amazed at the timing of this thread. I've just spent the day with my mother (who is a T) going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out why she completely lost her hearing overnight. Answer for now? We just don't know. She's totally deaf and no one can tell us if it's reversible.
So, now I'm in the unenviable position of being the one to call my mother's clients. She was emotionally unavailable to me growing up and we still have major issues, so it's very hard for me to put on the empathy hat and understand what her clients (who may love her as much as I love my T) will want and need to hear.
What would you want to know if you were her client? How much should I tell? What questions do you think I should be prepared for? I know my mother should be the one to tell me these things, but she is a basketcase right now and I'm going to be left pretty much to my own devices.
Posted by Skittles on March 3, 2005, at 20:58:39
In reply to Re: What timing, posted by Skittles on March 3, 2005, at 20:39:22
I mean, how do you tell someone that the person who may be the only being on the planet who really *listens* to them can't hear them anymore?
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2005, at 22:18:00
In reply to Re: What timing, posted by Skittles on March 3, 2005, at 20:58:39
Oh my heavens. I'm so sorry, Skittles. That's an unenviable task no matter how you look at it. Doesn't she have any colleagues that can do it? It isn't at *all* fair to put it on you. And some of her clients may need professional assistance as well. A referral, or something.
My advice would be to remember who she is friendly with, if she can't help enough to give you a name, and call them to ask to call the clients.
When my therapist said he imagined his wife would call if he died, I blessed him out but good, and gave him a copy of an article on the proper procedure for this sort of thing.
http://www.nesttd.org/Thinking.htm
It's not right for you or your mother's clients for you to be making these calls, IMHO. They need help from someone in a position to give it. And you have enough to deal with without having hysterical clients on your hands.
And no matter how you told me that my therapist was possibly no longer available to me, I'd be hysterical. Guilty, because I'd know the family had enough to deal with, but hysterical. And I might well need professional assistance.
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2005, at 23:07:30
In reply to Re: What timing, posted by Skittles on March 3, 2005, at 20:58:39
My son's play therapist had to be away from work for over a month for personal reasons. She had a colleague call as well.
Posted by Skittles on March 4, 2005, at 20:40:40
In reply to If it helps any » Skittles, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2005, at 23:07:30
But it was my mother's mentor and colleague who suggested I do the calling!! Even though I do wish *I* weren't the one having to do this (mainly b/c it's bringing up all kinds of things for me about my own T), I am feeling much better about it today.
I spoke with this colleague again this afternoon and she helped me come up with a very non-alarmist script to use for my calls and we decided it would be best *not* to say that I am a family member. She also suggested that I give them all her number in case they need to see someone in the meantime. She can't see them herself because her practice is full, but she assured me that she would find a good match for any client who asked.
I'm still not happy, but I'm better, at least.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2005, at 20:51:27
In reply to Re: Dinah, you're gonna love this, posted by Skittles on March 4, 2005, at 20:40:40
Clearly they don't cover this sufficiently in training. And it probably should be part of the code of ethics. Maybe I'll contact a few national societies.
My therapist hadn't thought of it at all.
I think that link was very sensible.
I'm glad you're feeling better about it, and I'm glad your mother's colleague will help any clients that need it.
How's your mother doing? And how are you holding up under the stress? Caring for a sick parent is difficult under any circumstances, and horrendous when there is already tension in the relationship.
Posted by shrinking violet on March 8, 2005, at 18:19:42
In reply to Animated furniture, posted by littleone on February 27, 2005, at 21:21:13
Forgive my tardiness to answering this thread, and I admit I haven't read all of the replies as of yet, but I wanted to respond to this because your T's reaction is so interesting to me. Obviously you have a very good repoire with him, and he seems very professional and as if he has a good sense of humor....My T, if I said that to her, she would become extremely defensive and hurt, and take it very personally, or at least seem to; I've said similar things, but very mild, more along the lines of questioning the concept of therapy and how I'm not liking it much, and she's reacted in a similar way. And her reactions have pretty much hindered me from telling her anything, especially if I think it will "hurt" her, or get her angry.
You're lucky your therapy is about you. :-)
> In my latest write up to my T, I mention that I'm not connected to him at all anymore. That he's just an animated piece of furniture in the room.
>
> He has said before that people can say anything to him and he doesn't mind. Even if they call him a @#%&$#*#$ (insert any profanity here), then he knows that it says more about them than him.
>
> Still, does "an animated piece of furniture" sound too harsh? I kind of think it sounds more cruel than any normal sort of insult.
>
> PS, re that thread about asking your T's about what happens when they kick the bucket, it was mentioned that it sounds too tacky to ask for a referral now *just in case*. But I have been really itching to do just that. Part of me suspects that I'm trying to punish him, but another part thinks, "yeah, but it's practical - don't want to be left up the creek if it ever eventuates".
This is the end of the thread.
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