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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
I usually meet 2x a wk and this week I had to cancel my Thur appt. I called Mon. to see if I could change to another time...there was nothing open so she said leave T a message. I left a message telling him of the situation and asked if he could call if something opened up. I then had to cancel my appt. for tomorrow and asked if there was another time...once again nothing open. I left two messages with T letting him know of the disasters in my life and why I had to change times...no response (I didn't ask for one but his machine states if I leave a message he will return my call) but I didn't specifically ask for a call I just asked for a change of appt. I feel like he is so busy he really doesn't have time to help me. My reasons for canceling were death and a car accident. I would have thought if he couldn't change my appt.
he would have at least called back to let me know he didn't have another time and check what was happening. I am really feeling little trust and that caring is just a word. Do you think I'm overeacting???
Posted by lonelygal2 on February 13, 2005, at 12:09:40
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
aww i'm sorry... i would be really upset too and would have expected him to call. maybe he has a good reason as to why he hasn't gotten back to you? regardless, i'm sorry that you have a lot going on for you right now.
Posted by Shortelise on February 13, 2005, at 12:29:51
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
I would feel the same, Speaker. He ought to have called you. He did let you down.
I know you'll tell him how you feel about this.
Frankly, hearing this, I would say he needs a bit of a kick in the shins, metaphorically of course.
I once asked my T what he "owed" me as his patient. Maybe that would be a good question for your T?
I hope you're ok, and coping ok with the sad things happening in your life. I wish your T had done the right things for you.
Hugs
ShortE
Posted by whirlpool on February 13, 2005, at 13:26:39
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
You are not overreacting and it is understandable that you are upset. You are going through a difficult time and it seems as though your T doesn't care.
Have you considered bringing this up next time you see him? Maybe he has an explanation.
Take care.
Posted by Aphrodite on February 13, 2005, at 13:30:55
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and for the accident you were in. I hope you are OK.
Secondly, I would be terribly hurt and disappointed if my T did not call me back under such circumstances. Frankly, if ever a T would need to accomodate you in an emergency, your situation would fit the bill.
Is there any way he's not getting your messages? Does someone screen for him? Do you have past experince with him being unresponsive?
Regardless, you should definitely bring up your hurt feelings right away and not let it eat at you. You should let him know how insecure it made you feel to be having such difficult life events without contact from him.
Let us know how it goes.
Posted by namaste on February 13, 2005, at 15:40:00
My group T didn't call me back and I felt very hurt and waiting for her call or rather nocall was very difficult. She just forgot. She felt very badly and said she cared about me.They are human. My T and i have an arrangement that i need to say "this is an emergency" Maybe you could call back and say that? Maybe your T just got confused with the appointment changes? Definately tell your T how you feel this could create a a distance in therapy. You need to trust. My feeling is to call again. I know how badly it feels.
Posted by namaste on February 13, 2005, at 15:41:31
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
above post was for the speaker not a new thread oops
Posted by mair on February 13, 2005, at 16:56:03
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by namaste on February 13, 2005, at 15:41:31
I had to cancel once because of a death. My T didn't call, but she at least sent me a note.
You have every reason to be disappointed.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2005, at 18:55:41
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
If he got your message, absolutely I think you have every right to be upset. Your entire message, of course. Maybe the secretary just passed along the cancellation part without the reason. It's probably worth finding out to make sure.
I'm sorry about the rotten things going on in your life right now. :( Is there any way we can help?
Posted by daisym on February 13, 2005, at 22:42:07
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
You have good reason to be upset and disappointed. Can I ask some questions? How did you leave the message -- was it in your best, professional voice that did not indicate any distress? "Hi, I'm sorry but I need to cancel my appointment. I had an unexpected death in the family." He may not have realized (he should have) that you really needed to process this with him. I know that last week I left a message for my therapist cancelling when my husband was in the hospital, telling him I wouldn't be there. He didn't call me because I said I would let him know what was going on. We connected on Monday night and he asked me if I wanted to come on Tuesday. But Tuesday was so hectic that I left a message to let him know I would keep my Wed appointment but I think my tone was closed enough that he decided I didn't want him to call. And, I didn't ask him to call me. So he didn't. He followed up on the phone back and forth on Wed, saying that he didn't want to make it worse for me and he got the impression from my voice that I needed the distance.
So...I guess that is a long way to say, bring it up and ask. He may really be one of those therapists who won't call unless you say, "please call me one way or the other."
I'm sorry life is so complicated. Are you doing OK?
Posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 23:05:34
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down! » Speaker, posted by daisym on February 13, 2005, at 22:42:07
Thanks All!! I am doing ok...thank you. I did leave a voice mail for him so I know the message wasn't messed up with the secretary. In fact, I left two messages. He is not a warm fuzzie and I can take that but he does stress we are a team...I feel like the only time the coach shows up is when I'm in his office. I will talk to him about it but I feel like we have gone over this enough and he still "chooses" not to get it...so I guess I better take the que and not expect a team player. I don't know maybe I feel like I can't go any further if I don't really feel like he is there for me. He knew the death was coming and I would think any compassionate person would call to give condolances...but once again its a paid for relationship.
Posted by Shortelise on February 14, 2005, at 1:22:50
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 23:05:34
Are you sure he is the right T for you? Do you need more?
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 3:02:25
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 23:05:34
Well, if it's a paid for relationship, you should expect your money's worth. It wouldn't appear that he gave it in this instance.
If I were you, I'd definitely complain about the level of service provided.
I'm being slightly facetious here, not to try to make light of your hurt, which I feel is justified, but rather to try to help you see that whatever the monetary basis of the relationship is, you can decide what you wish to expect from it and let the other person know when they've disappointed you.
If you state it as an "When you didn't return my call, I felt..." format, it can be very nonconfrontational. Or if you're therapist is one who encourages anger within the relationship, you don't need to be so circumspect.
When you've heard him out, you can decide what to do. But it's got to beat suffering in silence, right?
Posted by Speaker on February 14, 2005, at 15:43:21
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down! » Speaker, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 3:02:25
Believe me...I'm not a silent sufferer when a T infllicts it :)! I did plan on talking to him about it on Thur. but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly sensitive with all that is going on. It does tic me off worse with a T since they are suppose to be tuned it at a higher level that the average bear! Thanks for taking time to give me input I appreciate all of it.
Marie
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 18:07:19
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 14, 2005, at 15:43:21
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:56:02
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down! » Speaker, posted by whirlpool on February 13, 2005, at 13:26:39
Posted by whirlpool on February 15, 2005, at 14:55:40
In reply to (Welcome to Babble) (nm) » whirlpool, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2005, at 19:56:02
Posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:10:20
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 14, 2005, at 15:43:21
Speaker, I've been through mini-hell with my therapist, he wasn't there for me at all and I was in so much pain I didn't even see it. If you feel like he's letting you down now, IMO you absolutely have to let him know how serious an issue that is for you, and if he still doesn't get it, you need to work on getting a therapist you trust to be in it with you. Someone who will call you back when you need him to. Maybe this T has trouble with "dependent" women, for lack of a better term.
Posted by Aphrodite on February 16, 2005, at 18:50:36
In reply to Wondering about trusting T...he let me down!, posted by Speaker on February 13, 2005, at 11:59:46
Sorry if I missed it elsewhere, but I was just wondering what he had to say for himself!
Posted by Speaker on February 16, 2005, at 20:02:23
In reply to Re: Wondering about trusting T...he let me down! » Speaker, posted by Susan47 on February 16, 2005, at 14:10:20
I did call his office today and they said he was out with the flu since last Tues. Why in the world didn't someone tell me that instead of leaving me think he was just ignoring me...I don't see him until Friday. I hope he is up for the conversation! I'll let you all know as you have been so helpful
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