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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 4, 2005, at 20:18:02
I just don't know what to think. I guess it's true that not everybody can know everything. And we hurt people all the time, without meaning to. I'm sorry for having a fit over my EX therapist, that's why he's an ex-. I was having too many fits, period. .
Posted by mair on February 6, 2005, at 19:30:11
In reply to No, no I don't hate him, Mair, sorry, I'm sorry, posted by Susan47 on February 4, 2005, at 20:18:02
Susan
I don't know enough about why this guy is an ex-T to comment very helpfully. But he is the professional and should or should've known how to deal with you. My T gave me the example of a client she has now who is perpetually furious with her. This is a woman, who because she lost so many years to an awful depression and probably an incompetent T, now finds herself at age 50, neither married nor with children, both of which she always wanted. She's incredibly angry with my T for having the things that she doesn't. I think she's been that way the whole time she's been seeing her, but she keeps coming back. I can't imagine it's much fun to treat this woman, but I think Ts have to sort of take their clients as they are and be prepared to deal with a lot of situations which may seem aberrant to us. My T tried to tell me recently that I needed to be able to express whatever i was feeling about her including feeling homicidal. We both laughed at that, but the general idea was just that she could deal with whatever i came up with.
Of course, I'm here writing all of this, when the reality is that I've draped myself with tons of defense mechanisms I'm sure just to make sure I never have the kinds of feelings I wouldn't want to express.
Mair
Posted by Susan47 on February 6, 2005, at 23:04:47
In reply to Re: No, no I don't hate him, Mair, sorry, I'm sorry » Susan47, posted by mair on February 6, 2005, at 19:30:11
I never knew or maybe I never acknowledged that I had those feelings until the thread that brought it home so hard. Maybe my therapist didn't know that either. He said a few times he got the impression that I didn't think I was as good as him, or something. That made me angry, because I always knew I was and am as good as him. I never had the opportunities he had, or I would certainly have gone farther and been better. It was the lack of opportunity and fulfillment that angered me so much, and I just got in touch with that anger and I thought about it all day yesterday, just a depressing shock to me. I feel a monster inside myself. It made me behave like a monster and I didn't even realize.. it would be nice if I were exaggerating. But I don't think I am. I was crazy with jealousy. This is stuff I have to work out, I have to bring it up to my new therapist this week. It absolutely cannot wait. Jealousy and anger, anger over being blunted over a lifetime. Stopped from being myself. I know this isn't unusual, but the extent to which I allowed myself to be controlled by feeling inadequate, that has to be fixed. Thank you for your kindness. I know my problems aren't the same as many others here, and sometimes I feel selfish for being so self-involved. I just want the pain to stop, this is where I reach out. :]
Posted by mair on February 7, 2005, at 15:59:25
In reply to Re: No, no I don't hate him, Mair, sorry, I'm sorry, posted by Susan47 on February 6, 2005, at 23:04:47
Susan - I wouldn't sweat the self-involved; it seems to go with the territory of therapy. And although it's not really why I come here, I find that participating on this site helps formulate issues I need to address with my T.
Although not always possible, I generally try to be forward looking and not dwell too much on the past. (this does not mean the future necessarily ever looks rosy) Maybe that's why I seem to have forgotten most of my childhood. If I sat around and added up all the direct and indirect costs of depression, for instance, I'd have probably killed myself a long time ago.
I want to hear how things go when you talk to your T about this.
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
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