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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 11:50:01
Hi everyone,
I apologize if this is a rather trite post, especially given that others are going through some intense stuff in therapy and with their T's. I just didn't know who else to ask.
Last session my T did the sweetest thing....She gave me a cat toy for my new kitten (I got him for Christmas as a present, although he's already getting big!). She said that her two cats offered the toy up for the baby. I was so incredibly touched and that little toy probably meant more to me than anything I ever received. She also gave me a container of catnip so that I could refill the toy as needed. Anyway, after session I put the toy and the catnip into my coat pocket. I don't know why I didn't put the toy in my purse where it would have been safer. Perhaps I was still too upset to think clearly (I cried the whole session, for various reasons, and as usual she was very comforting). Anyway I trudged across campus in the snow and ice, drove home, and when I went to excitedly pull out the toy to give it to my cat, the toy wasn't there. :-( The catnip container was, but the toy wasn't. It must have fallen out. I drove back to campus, back to where I parked, I even walked back over the path I took and went back into the building and searched the stairwell, but with no luck. It was gone.
I'm so so so upset. That's the only thing my T ever gave me, aside from a wall calendar a couple of weeks ago. I really wanted my cat to have that, it would have meant a lot.
But, what's done is done I guess. So what do I do? Do I tell her the truth? I know when I see her next week she's going to ask how he likes his toy. Should I lie and make her think he loves it, or should I tell her the truth?
I'm sorry if this is a stupid dilemma, I'm at a loss as to what to do as I can see good/bad points to both. I'd hate to lie, but I don't want her to feel badly either, and I don't want her to know what an idiot I am. I'm so upset that I lost the toy. :-(
Thank you.
SV
Posted by Susan47 on January 30, 2005, at 12:52:18
In reply to I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her?, posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 11:50:01
Sweetheart, you're not an idiot. Things like that happen. It's not your fault.
Just so you can tell your sweet, lovely therapist the truth, and not feel bad, make sure you've checked under the car seat, around the stick shift if you have one, and on both sides of the seat. Does your car have door pockets? Check there, too, In fact, check out the entire car including the trunk if that makes you feel like you've done all you can.
Then tell her the truth, and cry if you have to, she will understand, and care for you all the more because of your honesty and grief over this....
Posted by mair on January 30, 2005, at 13:05:46
In reply to I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her?, posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 11:50:01
Is it possible it fell out of your pocket before you ever left your T's office? My worry about having this happen would keep me from lying about it.
mair
Posted by namaste on January 30, 2005, at 13:49:22
In reply to Re: I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her?, posted by mair on January 30, 2005, at 13:05:46
It is not silly at alll. My T gave me only one thing in 2years and if it broke i would be devastated. i can not seem to keep anything from my T, it affects my therapy. When I do tell her, it is always better.They understand and it is grist for the mill. T might even replace it!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 30, 2005, at 17:31:41
In reply to Re: I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her?, posted by namaste on January 30, 2005, at 13:49:22
Trurg is always the best way to go. I bet it didn't cost her much maybe she will get you a new one. And this issue is no less important than anyone elses in here
hugs
Posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 18:19:13
In reply to Re: I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her? » shrinking violet, posted by Susan47 on January 30, 2005, at 12:52:18
Thank you all for responding. My T sent me an email tonight to tell me she's thinking of me and for me to call her at home if I need anything. I had an emotional session yesterday, and I was hoping to hear from her but I knew I never would. And then I'm at my computer writing an assignment for school and her sweet email comes in. I can't tell you how much it meant. I <3 my T.
At the end of the message she said that she hopes my cat likes his toy. :-[ I decided to respond to her email tomorrow to thank her and let her know I'm okay so that she won't worry needlessly, and at the end I'm going to write something like this:
"P.S. I hesitate to tell you this, but I may as well do it now as I'm not sure I could stand to tell you this on Friday. Unfortunately, I lost the toy you gave to Max. It must have fallen out of my pocket on the way to my car. I came home and excitedly reached into my pocket to give to him (from his Auntie J) but it wasn't there. I drove back to campus and retraced my steps, even went back into the building and checked the stairwell, but I couldn't find it. I do have the catnip, though, which will definitely keep him entertained. I am so upset over it, I really wanted Max to have it. It would have meant a lot to him. But nevertheless, we both thank you for your thinking of him. Your gesture was very sweet and much appreciated. See you Friday."
How would that be?Gosh, I'm sick over this. I'm such a bubblehead.
And she being a T, I'm afraid she'll read too much into this, like I subconsciously lost it and it means that I really hate her or something. She tends to read into things too much sometimes (as if I don't!). *sigh*
Thanks everyone, I appreciate your time.
Peace,
SV
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 30, 2005, at 19:08:54
In reply to my t is the best, posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 18:19:13
Lol nah SV you are not sick...I would be upset too...Your letter is way perfect...you MAY want to add that YOU ARE HEARTSICK over it and sorry...that way :) she will maybe get you another AND may also share in HOW YOU FEEL not just kitty :)
HUGS
> Thank you all for responding. My T sent me an email tonight to tell me she's thinking of me and for me to call her at home if I need anything. I had an emotional session yesterday, and I was hoping to hear from her but I knew I never would. And then I'm at my computer writing an assignment for school and her sweet email comes in. I can't tell you how much it meant. I <3 my T.
>
> At the end of the message she said that she hopes my cat likes his toy. :-[ I decided to respond to her email tomorrow to thank her and let her know I'm okay so that she won't worry needlessly, and at the end I'm going to write something like this:
>
> "P.S. I hesitate to tell you this, but I may as well do it now as I'm not sure I could stand to tell you this on Friday. Unfortunately, I lost the toy you gave to Max. It must have fallen out of my pocket on the way to my car. I came home and excitedly reached into my pocket to give to him (from his Auntie J) but it wasn't there. I drove back to campus and retraced my steps, even went back into the building and checked the stairwell, but I couldn't find it. I do have the catnip, though, which will definitely keep him entertained. I am so upset over it, I really wanted Max to have it. It would have meant a lot to him. But nevertheless, we both thank you for your thinking of him. Your gesture was very sweet and much appreciated. See you Friday."
>
>
> How would that be?
>
> Gosh, I'm sick over this. I'm such a bubblehead.
>
> And she being a T, I'm afraid she'll read too much into this, like I subconsciously lost it and it means that I really hate her or something. She tends to read into things too much sometimes (as if I don't!). *sigh*
>
> Thanks everyone, I appreciate your time.
>
> Peace,
> SV
Posted by littleone on January 30, 2005, at 20:33:30
In reply to my t is the best, posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2005, at 18:19:13
I really liked the message you drafted for your T. And I liked Fallen's suggestion about including your own heartache in it too. Your T will see that anyway. After all, your cat won't miss the toy - s/he will never know what s/he missed out on.
It must have been so upsetting for you to lose the gift from your T.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 30, 2005, at 21:34:24
In reply to Re: my t is the best » shrinking violet, posted by littleone on January 30, 2005, at 20:33:30
Oh wow. That isn't a silly dilemma, that is a real hard one. I hate things like that. I never know what to do.
Much easier to say it by email :-)
I shall remember this thread next time something like this happens to me.
Posted by shrinking violet on January 31, 2005, at 8:58:38
In reply to Re: my t is the best » littleone, posted by alexandra_k on January 30, 2005, at 21:34:24
Thanks again to all who responded. And thank you Fallen, for suggesting including how "heartsick" I am over this. What a great word! As for including how *I* feel about it, I figure my T will understand and she'll know that when I talk about how my cat would feel, I really mean me. I just don't want to make it seem like more of a big deal than it is, so I feel silly telling her how horrid I feel over it when she might not think it's that big of a deal, you know?
Also I want to apologize for posting last night about the email my T sent, and the subject line. I realize many posters here are hurting over losing their Ts and similar issues, and I don't want to upset anyone or cause anyone to feel as if I am "rubbing it in," b/c that is NOT my intention at all. I was just so moved and caught by surprise by her email that I wanted to share it, but I didn't stop to think first. I apologize if I upset anyone.
I'm going to email my T this afternoon and thank her for her email, and tell her about the toy. I'm so nervous...knowing her, she won't email back again and I'll be wondering how idiotic she thinks I am all week until I see her again. :-/
Thanks all.
SV
Posted by Shortelise on January 31, 2005, at 11:34:48
In reply to thank you.....and apologies, posted by shrinking violet on January 31, 2005, at 8:58:38
Your T *is* the best! That doesn't mean she's better than anyone else's.
Violet, you are so sweet.
ShortE
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 31, 2005, at 18:49:04
In reply to thank you.....and apologies, posted by shrinking violet on January 31, 2005, at 8:58:38
Aw sweetie do not think people in pain cannot be happy for you that you have a great T....I am glad for you...It seems to me we don't need to be glum of we are not and hey we need some perky and up folks to pick up those who are down...Why cant we share the happy not just the sad....so GOOD COOL you have the best T scream it from the rooftop :) I pray you get a new something from T a new cat toy esp...Never be sorry for how you feel
hugs
> Thanks again to all who responded. And thank you Fallen, for suggesting including how "heartsick" I am over this. What a great word! As for including how *I* feel about it, I figure my T will understand and she'll know that when I talk about how my cat would feel, I really mean me. I just don't want to make it seem like more of a big deal than it is, so I feel silly telling her how horrid I feel over it when she might not think it's that big of a deal, you know?
>
> Also I want to apologize for posting last night about the email my T sent, and the subject line. I realize many posters here are hurting over losing their Ts and similar issues, and I don't want to upset anyone or cause anyone to feel as if I am "rubbing it in," b/c that is NOT my intention at all. I was just so moved and caught by surprise by her email that I wanted to share it, but I didn't stop to think first. I apologize if I upset anyone.
>
> I'm going to email my T this afternoon and thank her for her email, and tell her about the toy. I'm so nervous...knowing her, she won't email back again and I'll be wondering how idiotic she thinks I am all week until I see her again. :-/
>
> Thanks all.
> SV
>
>
Posted by pretty_paints on February 2, 2005, at 11:04:24
In reply to Re: thank youand apologies/ YOURE SOO SWEET » shrinking violet, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 31, 2005, at 18:49:04
Hi Violet,
Your post was lovely, a nice breath of fresh air among many similar posts (not at all that that is a problem!). Your problem isn't small, it's something really major. If my T gave me something, I would love it. But she never has.
And don't worry about "rubbing our noses" in it. It's really nice to hear about ALL types of therapy experiences, good or bad. It's nice to see that there are really nice therapists out there.
I think your email, the ps bit, is really great. Definately send it to her! And definately telling her is the right thing to do! She won't be at all offended.
Lots of love,
Katie xxxx
ps: I am jealous of you having a kitten! I would love one but I'm allergic to cat hair :(
Posted by shrinking violet on February 3, 2005, at 12:38:18
In reply to Re: I lost what my T gave me -- Do I tell her?, posted by pretty_paints on February 2, 2005, at 11:04:24
Aw, Katie, thank you for your message, it made me smile.
I did email my T earlier this week (and added the P.S.) but I haven't heard from her, as I knew I wouldn't. I see her in the morning, so I guess I'll find out then what happens. I hope she isn't offended. Whenever I think about it I feel badly and rather embarrassed.
Thank you for your encouragement.
And I'm sorry you're allergic to cat hair!
SV
> Hi Violet,
>
> Your post was lovely, a nice breath of fresh air among many similar posts (not at all that that is a problem!). Your problem isn't small, it's something really major. If my T gave me something, I would love it. But she never has.
>
> And don't worry about "rubbing our noses" in it. It's really nice to hear about ALL types of therapy experiences, good or bad. It's nice to see that there are really nice therapists out there.
>
> I think your email, the ps bit, is really great. Definately send it to her! And definately telling her is the right thing to do! She won't be at all offended.
>
> Lots of love,
>
> Katie xxxx
>
>
> ps: I am jealous of you having a kitten! I would love one but I'm allergic to cat hair :(
Posted by Fallen4MyT on February 3, 2005, at 16:28:01
In reply to emailed her, nervous » pretty_paints, posted by shrinking violet on February 3, 2005, at 12:38:18
Are you gonna post how this went tonight?? I sure hope so I am praying she gets you another toy for the cat....I know it would mean a lot to me. I am leaving Babble for good tonight at 3.a.m.....so I hope to get an updates
To KATIE I am VERY allergic to cats have been tested and gone off the scales...I have 4 cats :) ALLEGRA HELPS LOL so if you really want a cat..it came be done
> Aw, Katie, thank you for your message, it made me smile.
>
> I did email my T earlier this week (and added the P.S.) but I haven't heard from her, as I knew I wouldn't. I see her in the morning, so I guess I'll find out then what happens. I hope she isn't offended. Whenever I think about it I feel badly and rather embarrassed.
>
> Thank you for your encouragement.
>
> And I'm sorry you're allergic to cat hair!
>
> SV
>
>
>
> > Hi Violet,
> >
> > Your post was lovely, a nice breath of fresh air among many similar posts (not at all that that is a problem!). Your problem isn't small, it's something really major. If my T gave me something, I would love it. But she never has.
> >
> > And don't worry about "rubbing our noses" in it. It's really nice to hear about ALL types of therapy experiences, good or bad. It's nice to see that there are really nice therapists out there.
> >
> > I think your email, the ps bit, is really great. Definately send it to her! And definately telling her is the right thing to do! She won't be at all offended.
> >
> > Lots of love,
> >
> > Katie xxxx
> >
> >
> > ps: I am jealous of you having a kitten! I would love one but I'm allergic to cat hair :(
>
>
Posted by shrinking violet on February 3, 2005, at 17:54:09
In reply to Re: emailed her, nervous » shrinking violet, posted by Fallen4MyT on February 3, 2005, at 16:28:01
>> Are you gonna post how this went tonight?? I sure hope so I am praying she gets you another toy for the cat....I know it would mean a lot to me. I am leaving Babble for good tonight at 3.a.m.....so I hope to get an updates
--Fallen, why are you leaving?! :-( I don't see my T until 10 AM tomorrow, Friday, and I probably won't be able to post an update until later in the day at least, so you'll have to visit again after your 3 am deadline if you want to find out. ;-) Good luck with everything in case I don't get to communicate with you again, though. You've been a big help and a comforting presence to many of us here.Peace,
SV
Posted by Fallen4MyT on February 3, 2005, at 18:53:18
In reply to Re: emailed her, nervous » Fallen4MyT, posted by shrinking violet on February 3, 2005, at 17:54:09
DARN :*( WHINE...MAYBE Rain can tell me? She will be on..I am going to post in here later as to why I am leaving as I have on many of the boards I posted on on a semi regular basis cause I know folks don't always go to other boards it has to do with some changes in the boards really that will be going on...I will miss you ....darn....I pray really pray...she gives you another toy for kitty..God must think me crazy for such prayers lol but I will...HUGS GLAORE
> >> Are you gonna post how this went tonight?? I sure hope so I am praying she gets you another toy for the cat....I know it would mean a lot to me. I am leaving Babble for good tonight at 3.a.m.....so I hope to get an updates
>
>
> --Fallen, why are you leaving?! :-( I don't see my T until 10 AM tomorrow, Friday, and I probably won't be able to post an update until later in the day at least, so you'll have to visit again after your 3 am deadline if you want to find out. ;-) Good luck with everything in case I don't get to communicate with you again, though. You've been a big help and a comforting presence to many of us here.
>
> Peace,
> SV
>
>
Posted by shrinking violet on February 4, 2005, at 12:45:30
In reply to Re: emailed her, nervous » shrinking violet, posted by Fallen4MyT on February 3, 2005, at 18:53:18
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 4, 2005, at 15:24:42
In reply to long story short: yes, she made me another toy :-) (nm), posted by shrinking violet on February 4, 2005, at 12:45:30
i just say this SV, and I will let her know :)
Posted by Dinah on February 4, 2005, at 16:31:20
In reply to long story short: yes, she made me another toy :-) (nm), posted by shrinking violet on February 4, 2005, at 12:45:30
Posted by 10derHeart on February 4, 2005, at 21:28:06
In reply to long story short: yes, she made me another toy :-) (nm), posted by shrinking violet on February 4, 2005, at 12:45:30
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 5, 2005, at 1:40:12
In reply to long story short: yes, she made me another toy :-) (nm), posted by shrinking violet on February 4, 2005, at 12:45:30
shrinkingviolet, It made fallen's day!
Posted by shrinking violet on February 6, 2005, at 11:25:33
In reply to Re: long story short: yes, she made me another toy :-), posted by rainbowbrite on February 5, 2005, at 1:40:12
> shrinkingviolet, It made fallen's day!
--Aw I'm glad. Thank you for letting her know, and thank her for being so sweet. We'll miss her *sniff*
My cat loves the toy, too. :-)
This is the end of the thread.
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