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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on January 17, 2005, at 17:24:16
I admit I need my therapist right now. I am having such a difficult time and I need his help. I don't want to give in to some rescue fantasy thing, but I really do need him. Why do I feel so guilty about this. I wish I didn't feel so badly for needing someone. I don't see him until Friday, I am just not strong enough to call right now...it would ruin the image of the perfect client thing in my mind...which I am definetly not but I have only called three times and each time I felt so guilty....I am sorry for the rambling, I am just so lost right now...
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 17:34:30
In reply to needing one's therapist, posted by rubenstein on January 17, 2005, at 17:24:16
Can you maybe write him if you do not want to call and share it or not on Friday? I would call but if you cannot ..and they are use to calls....frankly I think they like calls sometimes as it lets them know they are doing their job right..a perfect client is not a detached one
Posted by smokeymadison on January 17, 2005, at 21:56:28
In reply to Re: needing one's therapist, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 17, 2005, at 17:34:30
i would call if you need to. i used to never call my therapist and frankly, i should have a few times. now that i do call, i have found that i actually have moved beyond needing the therapist as much and i hardly ever call. it is just a time or two that you go through that you need to call. it won't be forever. i used to feel really guilty too and go over whether i should have called afterward over and over again. it really isn't worth the guilt. if you need to call. hope things work out.
SM
Posted by daisym on January 18, 2005, at 0:51:35
In reply to needing one's therapist, posted by rubenstein on January 17, 2005, at 17:24:16
I agree...you should call him if you need him. You should also tell him of your intense feelings of need. There is a reason for these feelings, either what you are working on or perhaps some underlying fear of losing your therapist somehow.
My guess is your therapist doesn't want a perfect client but would rather have an honest one. In the meantime, writing helps me as does throwing myself into working. Baking helps too. Things that smell good and put smiles on my kid's faces.Hang in there. It will get better.
Daisy
Posted by Shortelise on January 18, 2005, at 1:18:08
In reply to needing one's therapist, posted by rubenstein on January 17, 2005, at 17:24:16
I think we can call.
Here are these people, these therapist people, who chose a profession where they sometimes become the core support person for another.
They expect we will want/need/chose to call them sometimes.
I believe my T was happy when I started calling him, glad that I was making the transition from being afraid of counting on him, to trusting that it was ok to count on him. It was the beginning of a time when I really bonded with him. I needed to trust him. That I called, and he was there for me (other than the first time when he suggested I go shopping) proved something positive.
Now when I call, sometimes it's just that I need to be sure of him, need to make sure he is still there, that I am not without him. It's childish, yes, and I don't call every day. Just once in a while I need him on the telephone, and if he isn't prepared for it then he ought to have taken up a different profession. They all know this is part of it.
There's also the question as to why you think it's so important to be the "good" client. And why do you think the "good" client never calls? Maybe she does call. I think she does, I think she calls when she needs to, for her own reasons. I don't mean to say you are "wrong" to feel as you do, I just feel very differently. I think that being a "good" client consists of asking for what we need from our T's. Even if it's on the telephone.
My T has never even vaguely hinted that I shouldn't call, or that I should call less. For me, I think a few calls a month is ok. In times of great challenges in therapy, I think it would be ok to call more often though you might feel most comfortable of you discussed it beforehand in session. That's what I did, and it worked well. It might for you too.
Need is a scary thing.
Hugs, Rubenstein.
ShortE
Posted by rubenstein on January 19, 2005, at 12:41:43
In reply to Re: needing one's therapist, posted by Shortelise on January 18, 2005, at 1:18:08
Thanks for your suggestions, I am feeling a little better about everything. I see my T on Friday and maybe I will feel strong enough to bring up some of these issues with him. Thank you all so much for your advice and support
rubenstein
Posted by morning*bell on January 21, 2005, at 19:34:22
In reply to needing one's therapist, posted by rubenstein on January 17, 2005, at 17:24:16
I just read this post (I'm a little behind) and wow, did it resonate. I *need* *need* *need* my therapist right now too. I feel like crying :(
> I admit I need my therapist right now. I am having such a difficult time and I need his help. I don't want to give in to some rescue fantasy thing, but I really do need him. Why do I feel so guilty about this. I wish I didn't feel so badly for needing someone. I don't see him until Friday, I am just not strong enough to call right now...it would ruin the image of the perfect client thing in my mind...which I am definetly not but I have only called three times and each time I felt so guilty....I am sorry for the rambling, I am just so lost right now...
Posted by namaste on January 23, 2005, at 21:03:42
In reply to Re: needing one's therapist, posted by rubenstein on January 19, 2005, at 12:41:43
> Thanks for your suggestions, I am feeling a little better about everything. I see my T on Friday and maybe I will feel strong enough to bring up some of these issues with him. Thank you all so much for your advice and support
> rubenstein
I just found this site tonight and it must have been destiny as this is my struggle right now. I cry as i read this as i miss her so..... especially the nite after I see her. She is my safe harbor.
Posted by Susan47 on January 23, 2005, at 22:11:04
In reply to Re: needing one's therapist, posted by namaste on January 23, 2005, at 21:03:42
It's so true, that your therapist is your safe harbour. I didn't trust mine, so what I did was probably unacceptable from his point of view, but from mine, namaste, it was crucial, I had to do it and I'm glad I did but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Frankly, I think no matter what you do or don't do, therapy is a painful process
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