![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on January 4, 2005, at 20:41:53
I haven't been writing at all lately or even reading...but I appreciate this board very much. I have gone through csa, tragic accident of my daughter with long recovery, chronic sickness of husband that led to death. My daughter and husband both sick in my 30's. I'm now in my late 40's and have remarried and have a wonderful life that seems harder and harder to live. I have always been able to be emotionallly stable...never much showing emotion (learned behavior very young). Lately, I have had to give up my job as I can't concentrate. I have never really wanted to be a career person even though I was very successful...I justified quiting since I always wanted to stay home. However, I am having a terrible time...often wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I feel like I could cry and never quit...of course I usually don't. In my last session I just started talking and I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks...I was so embarassed. I have been taking more meds but I seem to be worse than better and I can't figure what is the upsetting factor (which is even more upsetting)and neither can my T. I hope you followed all of that and if any of you have experienced this please let me know...I need a little hope there will be an end to this!
Thanks!
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:47:14
In reply to Terrible Time!, posted by Speaker on January 4, 2005, at 20:41:53
Someone else was talking about this very same thing. And if I recall, it may have been that they finally felt safe enough to collapse. After all that stress, you probably have a lot built up. If you're now in a good place, maybe your walls aren't as well fortressed.
I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
(Although it's nice to see you again.)
Posted by daisym on January 4, 2005, at 23:59:23
In reply to Terrible Time!, posted by Speaker on January 4, 2005, at 20:41:53
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. This might be really obvious but you might need a complete med switch, not more of the same. There are side effects to this stuff sometimes. It also occurs to me (at our age) that some of this could be hormonal as our bodies change and shift on us. Ask you Gyn about a blood test. If your estrogen levels are really low, you can feel this terrible. Remember pregnancy?
I guess it is my training to look for physical reasons first. But I don't disagree with Dinah that your defenses may be coming down after all this time. Grief can come on in waves, much later than the actual events.
I hope you figure this out soon. It sounds really rough.
Posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 0:50:31
In reply to Terrible Time!, posted by Speaker on January 4, 2005, at 20:41:53
I agree with Dinah, too.
Sometimes it has seemed to me that I have had to vomit out all of the horrible things, that the grief and the hurt and the anger had to spew out of me like magma from a volcano, like poison from a drunk, from all ends.
Feeling these feelings is painful (like I need to tell you that) and in a sense one has to relive the events to find and get rid of the poison they have left behind.
But when it's all out there, when it's said and refelt, sh*t and vomited out, it doesn't seem to go away, but it becomes more serene, more a part of what WAS instead of so very much still a part of what IS.
I hope I am making sense. This is so important, though, and I do hope you see that I am trying to say that this may be the hardest part, and after it could begin to get better. For me it was very slow, and there are moments still when I fall back into the boil, but those moments are far fewer than six years ago, and far easier to get through.
My shrink suggests that I stay in the feeling, and that I just feel it, and later we try to put words to it. This has worked for me.
Hugs, speaker. I believe you are healing.
ShortE
Posted by Speaker on January 5, 2005, at 19:18:36
In reply to Re: Terrible Time! » Speaker, posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 0:50:31
My T had a check in call today and before we even talked he said he wanted me to come in. I had a hard time but I think it helped some. I told him what you three had posted and he said you guys are very insightful! I am trying to be patient but all of this feeling stuff is foreign to me. Thanks for taking time to write it helps a lot.
Posted by crushedout on January 5, 2005, at 19:18:39
In reply to Terrible Time!, posted by Speaker on January 4, 2005, at 20:41:53
Speaker,I can relate to what you're going through. I've been feeling really bad recently and I haven't really understood why. I understand that feeling of not wanting to wake up in the morning. It's terrible.
Things have gotten a little better for me although I'm not sure why. I've changed meds and changed lifestyles. Started working full-time again temporarily, just to break myself out of the rut. Not sure which has had the most impact or whether it's something else entirely. Could also be just time.
There has to be hope, though. People do get really depressed and then have happy lives. I wish I could give you something more concrete to hold onto.
I do think that reaching out to people helps. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 20:14:40
In reply to Thanks All, posted by Speaker on January 5, 2005, at 19:18:36
I used to use a thesaurus to help me explore what I was feeling!
And when it was really really bad, I walked. I stormed through the streets of this city, pounding my anger out on the sidewalks, trailing my grief along the ocean. It helped. Outside, I can somehow let myself feel without getting as overwhelmed. Hiking is amazing.
I am the same age as you.
ShortE
Posted by Speaker on January 6, 2005, at 17:10:52
In reply to All this feeling stuff, posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 20:14:40
Thanks, I agree about need to look up what I'm feeling. However it is only 6 degree's here so walking is not an option unless I decide to be an eskimo :). I find myself in amazment that after all I have gone through now is the time I am overwhelmed. I appreciate you taking time to write and knowing I'm not the only one that's gone through this helps.
Posted by antigua on January 7, 2005, at 11:27:35
In reply to Re: All this feeling stuff » Shortelise, posted by Speaker on January 6, 2005, at 17:10:52
I'm sorry you're having so much trouble right now, but I did want to let you know how nice it was to see your name on the board again (sorry it's not for a happier reason, though).
I still don't like to get out of bed, and I spend as much time as possible there while trying not to draw too much attention from my family--it's not easy--but I need the time to myself sometimes more than others.
I do envy your ability to cry, though. I can't do that anymore. I'm sure the meds have a lot to do with it, but the deeper I go into my "stuff" the more analytical and less emotional I become.
I hope you feel better. Today I'm going to buy tulips at the florist--ridiculously expensive, but in the cold weather when I feel low, they always make me feel better. I hope you find something that works for you too.
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.