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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
Do any of you feel your therapist is extremely harsh and cold and drives you ruthlessly? I have started going to a new therapist here for the past 2 - 3 months. Jsut feel she is extremely harsh and drives me so much relentlessly. I had a very pleasant experience with my previous therapist - he was very warm but had to leave him due to my moving away and due to my attachment to him. So initially I felt having a little cold and distant therapist will be useful since I won't get attached - but she is just extremely harsh. I feel like crying after the sessions.
Posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 14:15:02
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
What do you mean by harsh? Is she hostile or critical? Does she seem to be judgmental?
Posted by thinkfast on January 5, 2005, at 14:44:29
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by mair on January 5, 2005, at 14:15:02
I'd say if you are stubborn like myself, that kind of technique can be good 4 u. Otherwise, it just seems like it would be conuterproductive. I need a swift kick now and again! :-) I saw a new pdoc like that and went back to my old one afterwards. Guess I didn't need that at that particular time. I got the idea though.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 5, 2005, at 15:07:18
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
Perhaps this new T is making you think about or confront things you never did in the past. All change is stressful. Maybe your old T coddled you too much?
Can you expound more about the harshness?
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 16:53:27
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 5, 2005, at 15:07:18
Thanks everyone
I feel she is exceptionally harsh. My old T did not coddle me. She is pushing me too much. And is not even slightly empathetic - not even to the extent my family practitioner is. Somehow she keeps making me feel it is all my fault. And she gets irritated when I resist or offer explanation and says I am arguing.
Posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 17:27:43
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
I'd ask myself, if I could, to look at where she is pushing me, and if it's someplace I need to go.
I'd ask myself if my feeling she doesn't empathize is because she is asking me to think about aspects of myself I don't want to think about.
And I'd weigh those things, I'd talk to her about it all, and see if she is the right therapist for me.
You should be able to argue aka discuss things with your T.
Are you finding her harsh because she is bringing out your defenses by getting you to look at things you need to look at, or is there really a problem with her?
Either way, could you talk with her about it? Could you tell her right off that you don't want to argue, but you need to talk about this?
I need warm.
ShortE
Posted by annierose on January 5, 2005, at 17:35:21
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 16:53:27
I think you need to feel some level of trust in order for you to work effectively with a T. You must feel that they are listening to YOU. If you don't feel a connection, are you in a position to shop around for a T you feel more of a rapport?
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 17:49:33
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by Shortelise on January 5, 2005, at 17:27:43
I feel she is smart and capable. So I am going to go along with her for now and see what happens after a couple of months.
She does push me hard in areas that I have to make advance. But only thing is she does it mercilessly.
Maybe I should tell her to slow down.
Posted by Joslynn on January 5, 2005, at 19:10:37
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 17:49:33
How/what does she push? How does she make you feel like things are your fault?
It is hard to make a judgment without specifics of what she says...
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 19:40:12
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by Joslynn on January 5, 2005, at 19:10:37
If I offer explanations for my hesitations she says I am arguing with her and I am resisting her suggestions. I tell her that I don't want to argue - that I am only telling her my side of why I am not able to do certain things and make decisions fast enough like she wants.
She keeps telling me that she cannot help me if I don't make decisions. For me it is very hard because it is about getting divorce and from the culture where I come from, divorce is a major issue - almost like a life and death issue. So I have to be extremely cautious about it. It is not something that I can do easily or make up my mind easily. Maybe it is a cross cultural issue that we have - she doesn't see why it is hard for me to do certain things and why I act in the way I do.
Posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 19:48:10
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 19:40:12
Oh.. I have to add I have gone for 7 sessions so far with her.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 5, 2005, at 20:13:22
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
No my T is not harsh maybe this t is not for you. I am one to think no T need be a bully..we get that enough in life
> Do any of you feel your therapist is extremely harsh and cold and drives you ruthlessly? I have started going to a new therapist here for the past 2 - 3 months. Jsut feel she is extremely harsh and drives me so much relentlessly. I had a very pleasant experience with my previous therapist - he was very warm but had to leave him due to my moving away and due to my attachment to him. So initially I felt having a little cold and distant therapist will be useful since I won't get attached - but she is just extremely harsh. I feel like crying after the sessions.
Posted by ghost on January 5, 2005, at 21:24:25
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
i dunno. i'm sorry, but i don't think i like your T. :(
mine's very encouraging and gentle and sweet. she's never judgemental, and even when i think i might be wrong, she seems to take my "side," or at least see how i see things.
i think that's what i need. maybe she's still trying to get me to trust her. trust doesnt come easy.
Posted by Camille Dumont on January 5, 2005, at 22:55:48
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
I saw a few psychologists before I chose the one to work with. It was one heck of an expensive shopping month but it was worth it.
I remember one of them was rather harsh and insensitive. She concluded the session with this piece of priceless insight : between now and our next session, try do find something to do not to feel depressed (I was there for major depression). Gee! Why didn't I think of that before :P.
Needless to say, there was no next session with her.
The psychologist I chose was super super gentle ... I can't even remember her criticizing me in any way. But I guess it was what I needed and any criticisim would have sent me running 100 mile an hour (being the person that I am) ... plus at 85$ a pop, I expected to feel better when I left her office than when I came in. Therapy is a service you buy ... not charity that is given to you.
Posted by fallsfall on January 6, 2005, at 12:54:05
In reply to Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 14:12:32
Some would say that my therapist is harsh. I would certainly agree with blunt. You can see more details in my thread above: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/438043.html
I have seen him for 1 1/2 years (2 or 3 times a week). I couldn't tolerate it if I didn't know that he truly does care - and it takes a while to know that.
What kind of therapy does she do? And, yes, I would certainly tell her that you are finding her harsh, and that you feel like crying after sessions, and that you aren't ready to make a decision on your divorce yet. She may decide that part of her job is to help you move past these issues, but in any event she should recognize that they *are* issues for you.
It bothers me that you said that she says that you "argue" with her. Where I come from, the patient always has the final word on whether an interpretation or plan of action is correct. She has to let you go at your own pace - she can guide you, but she can't shove you.
Posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2005, at 13:34:22
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh? » pinkeye, posted by fallsfall on January 6, 2005, at 12:54:05
thanks everyone for their post. I think she is fairly pushy and little aggressive - very very cold and strict on her boundaries. But she seems to be capable to me so I want to wait for some more time before I decide one way or the other.
Posted by Annierose on January 6, 2005, at 14:41:32
In reply to thanks all, posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2005, at 13:34:22
You are wise to wait and give yourself some time. Relationships are based on time + experience. Just something to ponder, my T has firm boundaries, but is warm and fuzzy too. That is possible. But what I hear you saying (isn't that the T line we all hate to hear) is maybe this T is striking a cord with you that resonates, and is helpful right now.
Posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2005, at 19:52:01
In reply to Re: thanks all, posted by Annierose on January 6, 2005, at 14:41:32
Yeah I will stay with her. She is definitely quite capable. And I think the harshness is in a way good - I won't try to cling on to her. I don't want to keep going to therapy for the rest of my life and I want to get it over with and done with as fast as possible and end of story. If she is even slightly warm I will feel very affectionate and will have a hard time letting go.
Posted by Joslynn on January 6, 2005, at 21:43:12
In reply to Re: Is your therapist harsh?, posted by pinkeye on January 5, 2005, at 19:40:12
If she is pressuring you to get a divorce, that does sound controlling. I thought they weren't supposed to give direct advice or try to control your life, unless it's a life-or-death thing.
Posted by Shortelise on January 8, 2005, at 13:41:20
In reply to Re: thanks all, posted by pinkeye on January 6, 2005, at 19:52:01
Maybe she knows that you don't need to be mothered, or fathered (ok, parented!), but believes that the best thing for you is to face some truths.
I do hope that if you were to ask her to please be a little more gentle with you, that she would be.
OUCH!!!!!
Take care and please keep us posted.
((((pinkeye))))
ShortE
Posted by pinkeye on January 12, 2005, at 13:23:23
In reply to mothering » pinkeye, posted by Shortelise on January 8, 2005, at 13:41:20
I went to her again today and she is definitely very capable. She does push me to change and she doesn't display any emotions but that is what she is for right? I will stay with her.
Thanks for all your inputs.
> Maybe she knows that you don't need to be mothered, or fathered (ok, parented!), but believes that the best thing for you is to face some truths.
>
> I do hope that if you were to ask her to please be a little more gentle with you, that she would be.
>
> OUCH!!!!!
>
> Take care and please keep us posted.
>
> ((((pinkeye))))
>
> ShortE
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