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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 9:53:28
Well, I'm pining and grieving for my old T. Everywhere I go, I think of her. Everything I see reminds me of her. I long to be her daughter, her mother, her lover, her partner, her spouse, her co-parent. It's true. And I know I can't be. So, I pine and I grieve.I guess I have to go through this.
Posted by fallsfall on December 31, 2004, at 10:23:03
In reply to Pining and grieving, posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 9:53:28
Sigh. I wish I could say "No, you don't have to go through this! All you have to do is ..." But I don't know what the "..." could be.
My grief and anger came in waves, and the waves got higher and higher for a while. But eventually they did start to dissipate. But I did have to ride out the high waves and it wasn't fun.
I guess that it helped that I was seeing my new therapist 2X week at that point. You see your new one again on the 3rd??
I think that it may have also helped that I had been through a "dependency withdrawal" before. When I started with my first therapist I was dependent on a friend. With my first therapist's help I was able to reduce that dependency (mostly by transferring it to my therapist...). So at least I knew that at least once before in my life I had been very dependent on someone and lived through the separation phase. So I knew that it was *possible* to survive.
I'll keep you company... I wish there was more that I could do...
Posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 10:49:07
In reply to Re: Pining and grieving » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on December 31, 2004, at 10:23:03
Thank you, falls. You've been a great support to me. Just reading your posts makes my life more bearable.
Yeah, I see the new T on Monday. The last time I saw her, as I was leaving, she gave me this pitying look that really made me feel bad. It made me question whether she was the right T for me. But she's ok. She meant well. She felt pity because she cared, I guess.
At the risk of getting redirected to the med board, I switched meds today. I saw a new pdoc yesterday, who seemed pretty good. And I switched from Lexapro to Wellbutrin. I'm hoping this may help lift the horrible depression I've been in. Although I imagine I still have to go through the waves of grief, regardless of meds.
Posted by Tabitha on December 31, 2004, at 14:16:39
In reply to Pining and grieving, posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 9:53:28
Yes, unfortunately you do have to go through this phase. It's a very brave thing to do. By facing these overwhelming feelings, you're finally interrupting the cycle, instead of chasing the temporary relief that keeps you going round and round and ultimately causes more pain.
When I was last going through this stuff, I got one bit of relief. My adult self knew that the feelings were out of proportion to their object-- so I tried to just listen to them on their own. At one point I got clear that these were old feelings, a child's feelings. It wasn't clear what events or what age or what parent they were about, but it was clear they were coming from the past. After that it was a bit easier, and the impulse to chase the present object really lessened.
Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2004, at 16:53:07
In reply to Pining and grieving, posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 9:53:28
I can't add anything to the wisdom of others, so I'll just say that I'm listening, and I understand how difficult it is.
Posted by messadivoce on December 31, 2004, at 18:49:55
In reply to Pining and grieving, posted by crushedout on December 31, 2004, at 9:53:28
Crushed, I am sorry, all I can is I have been in that same spot (not to trivialize your grief but I know have felt similarly). It happens, the grief, the anger, the longing, the emptiness, the bargaining, the "what ifs." It is such a loss to suffer even in the best of circumstances. You will get through this to the other side, not that you will ever "get over her" as well meaning people may try to tell you, but you get through it and hopefully one day you will be able to think about her without it hurting too much. But that can seem awfully far away. Hugs to you.
Posted by crushedout on January 1, 2005, at 19:44:59
In reply to Re: Pining and grieving, posted by Tabitha on December 31, 2004, at 14:16:39
Thanks, Tabitha. That gives me a teensy bit of hope, although it's hard for me to believe these feelings will ever lessen.
Posted by crushedout on January 1, 2005, at 19:45:54
In reply to Re: Pining and grieving » crushedout, posted by Dinah on December 31, 2004, at 16:53:07
Thanks. It helps to know that.
Posted by crushedout on January 1, 2005, at 19:51:19
In reply to Re: Pining and grieving, posted by messadivoce on December 31, 2004, at 18:49:55
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you are right.
This is the end of the thread.
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