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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
I've seen a lot of posts lately about former therapists. I admit I may have skimmed a bit because the thought of losing my therapist is enough to loosen my bowels. I want forever therapy. I don't care what it's called. Paid friendship. Dependency. Ongoing support. Call it what you will, it's what I want.
But I can't ignore the evidence that it doesn't always work out that way...
So clearly I can't answer this question. I can tell you how I got my therapist to all but promise forever therapy. But I wouldn't recommend the path our relationship took to anyone. It was beyond difficult.
Posted by messadivoce on December 17, 2004, at 22:50:26
In reply to How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
How I lost my therapist...well I was seeing him at my university's counselling center. I started in October of '03 and went all the way until May of '04. He was doing his pre-doctoral internship at the clinic so he was only supposed to be there for one year. He was at the clinic until July but I could only see him through the middle of May because that was when the semester ended and I wasn't going to be an enrolled student in the summer. I would have gladly taken summer school to stay with him, but that would have been waaaaay expensive therapy. :-)
I remember when I had to sign the form saying that I understood that I had to stop therapy in May. It was the most horrible thing. I felt like I was being made to sign my death certificate. He wasn't happy about it either. I know I was kind of a victim of the system.
I would have been able to go back to him this fall had he been a regular staff member. But he's doing his post-doc fellowship at a university that's much closer to his home. I'm glad he's not commuting anymore. That must have been tough. But I miss him so much.
Posted by 10derheart on December 17, 2004, at 23:59:15
In reply to How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
Here's my story....
My T. was the chief of psychiatry at the military base where I was stationed. He retired from the military and moved across country in July '04. Ironically, I retired about the same time, but stayed put in the same area. We first met in Feb '02 and I saw him 1x a month just to check meds and keep tabs on therapy I was doing w/other staff (one LCSW, one MSW). In Oct '03, due to many changes at clinic, he asked if I'd like to just see him for everything. By that time, I was so far gone into transference, romantic, maternal, you name it (yes, a bit of erotic, too {still blushing}) in a bad way with him, so I naturally said, "yes." Not to mention that fact he's a wonderful T., skill-wise, so to speak. He also facilitated a group I went to 2x a month for a year.
Wow, when I spell the timeline out like that, and all the contact, no wonder I was - and am - so deeply attached. This termination experience has been the most painful, growth-inducing, awful, wonderful, terrible thing I can ever recall going through. As some of you have heard, over and over and over.... sorry, I'm a broken record. Despite the fact I've had the joy of an email connection to support me for 3 months now, I still ache for him on a regular basis. Emailing has made it both better and worse. But I wouldn't change a thing, so far...um, except, of course, to have kept him here forever and have forever therapy...- 10DH
Posted by smokeymadison on December 18, 2004, at 1:45:45
In reply to How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
i saw a christian therapist for a year and he basically told me that the only way i would ever be better was to recommit my life to god. well, i wanted to go back to christianity, but found it impossible. he just made himself seem less and less interested in me the last few months. he would clean his nails while i was talking and just go through the rote "what is going on" questions w/out really helping me understand anything. he moved his office so that i was an hour and a half away, so i called it quits. i should have done it months before, though.
so now i am going through therapists like crazy. i have seen 2 and am seeing a third on monday. the first made me do ALL the talking and i felt like nothing was accomplished in the 45 minutes she gave me. the second was only in town one day a week. she also seemed shocked at what i said and i didn't like that. at this point i don't really care that a bunch of people know a lot about me--i just want a good therapist who will see me twice a week. sigh...
SM
Posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:28:02
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by smokeymadison on December 18, 2004, at 1:45:45
Thank you for sharing. It helps put posts in perspective when you know some of the background.
Voce and 10der, it sounds as if the loss of your therapist had nothing to do with their choice. I can understand how you manage to stay so positive when speaking of them. Especially if you knew ahead of time that it could happen. I have been really admiring your being able to maintain a positive attachment to therapists when they were former therapists. I'm not sure I could be so positive about mine if he were a "former" - not even if he died. I imagine that says something about me, not him. :( Maybe it would have been different had I known all along.
Smokey, you must be furious with your old therapist. I empathize with the troubles finding a therapist. I never went beyond phone contact with a multitude of them at the time I ended up with mine. You'd think they'd receive better training in how to make an initial first impression. :( But better to figure out those things early than late, I suppose. Keep holding out for a good one. The bad ones do more harm than good.
Posted by DissociativeJane on December 18, 2004, at 7:32:49
In reply to How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
I met my therapist at age 17 and saw her on and off for years (At least 15 yrs)
She died. The strange thing is I can't remember when she died but I know it was in the "90"s
I miss her sometimes.
Posted by cubic_me on December 18, 2004, at 8:14:28
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by DissociativeJane on December 18, 2004, at 7:32:49
I saw my old T at the Uni's therapy department, they usually offer 5 sessions maximum to each person, but I went for nearly 2 years. My T mentioned that a group would be starting up and asked me to consider it. I felt guilty for having been going to therapy for so long and thought that this would be an easy way to 'move on' and get out of the therapy mindset. It hasn't worked, but I'm still dithering about my next step.
Posted by 10derheart on December 18, 2004, at 23:50:13
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 18, 2004, at 3:28:02
That's true, this was a long-planned move for my T. and his wife. And I knew for 9 months before. He's been very candid since about his poor training in termination in general, and lack of experience with clients becoming bonded. (In this military setting, I'd venture to say 90 - 95% of people he saw were short term, as in 2-6 sessions total.) But he was careful about telling all his individual and group clients immediately when he knew the date he'd be leaving. He remarked once he didn't understand other T's who kept it quiet and "sprung" it on their clients later. He also brought it up often and openly in group and one-on-one. One time, his mention of leaving sparked a deep discussion of death, separation and loss of therapists in general. It went on for three group sessions. It was draining but actually quite helpful, IMO. Interestingly, two members (6 total at that time) never returned after the topic came up the first time. Anyway, not sure if there's much else he could have done to ease things. Except to push me harder to talk about my feelings. I was a mess and couldn't speak much last month or so.
Thanks for asking and wanting to get a clearer picture of differnt circumstances. It's big one and not your favorite to imagine, I know. - 10der (<stole the shorter form from you- I like it :)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 19, 2004, at 1:04:21
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists? » Dinah, posted by 10derheart on December 18, 2004, at 23:50:13
That reminds me of when I was in training last year, and I knew when my time was up well in advance. I was always upfront with clients about it. My supervisor then thought it was my own anxiety that led me to inform people, but I thought it was only fair.
gg
Posted by Camille Dumont on December 23, 2004, at 0:03:03
In reply to How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2004, at 16:19:52
True to myself, I walked away.
But its how I usually handle things. I had been seeing her for about two years and then I stopped for a while because I was seeing some other p-doc to do the projective tests and I just never went back.
The results of the MMPI confirmed what I thought and gave me great insight into who I was. It confirmed that I was schizoid (personality disorder but I don't like that it gets pathologised) and I've accepted it. There is no cure, there is no med for it ... there can only be coping with it. And in true schizoid fashion I walked away from my p-doc ... afraid of being overwhelemed, invaded, to lose my sacrosaint independence or whatever.
In a way I preferred doing it like that, not all that emtion-filled closure that leaving theraphy would entail. I know who I am and I don't think that I need theraphy anymore ... she was great, caring, respectfull and all.
That was back in April ... and this month I sent her an x-mas card ... and thanked her and what not ... perhaps to achieve some sort of closure ... and she phoned me and left me a sort of thank you message. I was not expecting it ... felt weird and happy at the same time.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 20:41:29
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists?, posted by DissociativeJane on December 18, 2004, at 7:32:49
That's my greatest fear at the moment. After that long a relationship it must have been quite a blow.
Posted by DissociativeJane on December 24, 2004, at 11:06:47
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists? » DissociativeJane, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 20:41:29
Dinah I will respond to your post within a few days.
Posted by DissociativeJane on December 30, 2004, at 8:34:16
In reply to Re: How did y'all lose your therapists? » DissociativeJane, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2004, at 20:41:29
> That's my greatest fear at the moment. After that long a relationship it must have been quite a blow.
Dear Dinah,
I never spoke to anyone about the loss of my therapist until I began therapy with my new therapist.
I was going to tell you something else but now I can't remember what that "something else" is.
This is the end of the thread.
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