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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
i'm a single mom to a pile of kids, full time college student, with a tidy enough home, who serves a lot of cereal for dinner (but not without a fair amount of guilt). i maintain a fragile sense of balance with a lot of prayer, faith, overexercising, ice cream, and regular therapy. after nearly three years of crying, processing and growing, i barely recognize myself or my life anymore, mostly i'm in awe, still deny quite a bit, but somewhere i know the truth: it was really bad, and i can't believe i'm still alive. to let all that in at once seems impossible, so i do it in one hour increments (sometimes two) on a regular basis, and have relaxed a little bit in my attachment to my therapist. i mostly think i'm too old to be engaged in such nonsense, but it feels constructive, nevermind my life continues to improve in meaningful ways, and most days, i like what my life says about me. i imagine i appear "normal" (i use the term loosely) and no one would guess how unbelieveably corny and mushy i've found myself to be. i might have always known this, but refused to believe i needed the things i do, until i ended up in therapy. i'm the accidental client, if you will. it's confusing to me that i'm all the "parts" i think i am. the responsible parent and college student who hauls a$$ all day, writes good papers, and takes nice care of my kids;and the part that shows up in my therapists office crying under a blanket while she holds my hand. how to reconcile this? does anybody else have trouble with the completely different person you meet in counseling? i'm not sure where i'm going with this... i thought i was going to share that i got a tape today from my t. mostly relaxation but at the end she talks for 10 minutes... positive affirmations type stuff, but also says my name, the sweetest sound on earth! i'm so embarrassed (ashamed) to be so touched by this and to be so thrilled at the same time, to have this in my possession... ALONG WITH A BLANKET FROM HER OFFICE THAT SMELLS LIKE HER!!! do you know how much i'm looking forward to going to bed every night? i've never had it so good!!! for the love of gawd, i'm in my 30's? what is happening? i don't feel desperate (it's really kind of ok for now) but only as long as nobody else knows. so i sometimes feel like i'm leading a double life. my friends wouldn't laugh at me, but i know they would be very surprised to see me like this in therapy. does this mean anything? my therp is leaving town until the end of jan. all the goodies i already have will make this bearable. nevermind, i know where to find her, even on the other side of the world. this makes me feel so fortunate. and it's so strange to have this kind of love for someone... and hope she loves me too. i don't think i could bear it if it isn't true.
--life
Posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2004, at 0:53:31
In reply to just wanted to share, posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
My husband sleeps with a stuffed animal. And I mean he sleeps with it tucked up to him, clutched in his arm the way a small child might. He's 50 years old, a respectable, mature, responsible man with a good job, very nice house, lovely wife (ahem), and two cats. He is so attached to this stuffed animal that I bought another just the same for when this one wears out. This started about four years ago when I got it for a friend's newborn, and we got so attacehd to it that we coulnd't give it up - I had to get her a different one. Then my husband found a lot of comfort from it, remembering when his mother took all of his stuffed animals away saying he was too old.
He's a big, very masculine guy, wears a beard and drives a truck.
He would die of embarrassment if his friends knew. But he won't go to bed without it. He loves it.
My psychiatrist thinks it lovely. He really likes him for having this stuffed pet.
Maybe we all have sides that we keep to ourselves. My husband's is this tenderness for the child part of himself and he finds comfort in his own way. Mine is my own, and yours, well, is your own.
I'm glad you have a safe place to deal with your grief.
ShortE
Posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 1:15:09
In reply to Re: just wanted to share » lifeworthliving, posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2004, at 0:53:31
i loved, loved, loved this post. thanks so much for sharing this. i'm not going to be able to keep the blanket, it was made by friend for therp when she got married, tho i've had it for months. i'm confident that i'll replace with something else (secretely hoping therp gives me something herself) and feel better knowing that a grown man (GASP) sleeps with a stuffed animal. someday maybe i will too. :) i like your husband, i can tell!
--life>>>>>My husband sleeps with a stuffed animal. And I mean he sleeps with it tucked up to him, clutched in his arm the way a small child might. He's 50 years old, a respectable, mature, responsible man with a good job, very nice house, lovely wife (ahem), and two cats. He is so attached to this stuffed animal that I bought another just the same for when this one wears out. This started about four years ago when I got it for a friend's newborn, and we got so attacehd to it that we coulnd't give it up - I had to get her a different one. Then my husband found a lot of comfort from it, remembering when his mother took all of his stuffed animals away saying he was too old.
>
> He's a big, very masculine guy, wears a beard and drives a truck.
>
> He would die of embarrassment if his friends knew. But he won't go to bed without it. He loves it.
>
> My psychiatrist thinks it lovely. He really likes him for having this stuffed pet.
>
> Maybe we all have sides that we keep to ourselves. My husband's is this tenderness for the child part of himself and he finds comfort in his own way. Mine is my own, and yours, well, is your own.
>
> I'm glad you have a safe place to deal with your grief.
>
> ShortE
Posted by memoryleaves on December 9, 2004, at 10:52:30
In reply to just wanted to share, posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
Life,
I found your post very moving. Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to me because I relate to you and so many people on this board--you all seem to be able to articulate what I feel inside that I can't seem to put into words myself, not right now anyway. So you see, you're all helping me to release some of my own internal pressure, and I am so grateful for that.
Thanks everyone!
I got shivers when I read how your therapist let's you use her blanket at home. I crave for that sort of comfort from somebody as well and I hope to have a T like yours one day, I can't even imagine how wonderful that must be. I do however have a teddy bear that my child part reminds me of every single night. If the bear is on the dresser and I'm already in bed, laziness is not allowed, I must get up and get that bear for the child. And I'm always glad I did. I also put on soothing music. I have this one CD that feels like soft lullabyes, and calm african music is wonderful as well. They bring tears, (to have something so soothing and safe at bedtime is just so foreign to me), but I'm learning the child needs to cry and for it to be okay. And I have vowed to do anything I can to help her heal. She is becoming more receptive and trusting towards me. I hope when I get back into therapy that she'll feel safe enough by then to let the new T in, too. (After I skope him or her out first of course!)
Anyway, thanks again for sharing about you. Wishing you the best and sending warm thoughts,
Memory
Posted by daisym on December 9, 2004, at 19:04:53
In reply to just wanted to share, posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
Thank you for sharing.
I think we all have this very private part of ourselves that would shock (SHOCK!) those who think they know us best. I actually said in therapy today, "I looked in the mirror this morning and realized that no one would ever know to look at me that I'm on the edge and a complete wreck." And we talked about how it felt to not have my pain seen.
I have a picture of my therapist that he gave me when he went on vacation. On the back it says, "I'll be back!" and I have most of the voice mails he has ever left. Sometimes when life is really tough I will listen to all of them, even though they are a disjointed collection of things, because he ends most of them with "I'll talk with you soon, or I'm sending you good thoughts." It is a silly comfort but it works.
I'm so glad you have these things to get you through the long vacation. Your therapist sounds very sweet.
Posted by Susan47 on December 10, 2004, at 3:48:26
In reply to just wanted to share, posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
How absolutely beautiful.
If my therapist had had the courage to do those things for me, I would've healed so much easier.
I know exactly what you're talking about in every bit of your post, this is me to a "T"!!!!
Thank you so very much for sharing yourself, and validating who I am, too.
Susan47
Posted by Susan47 on December 10, 2004, at 3:50:24
In reply to Re: just wanted to share » lifeworthliving, posted by Shortelise on December 9, 2004, at 0:53:31
I always knew I liked you.
How wonderful your husband must be, I know if I ever met you both I'd like you immensely.
Posted by Shortelise on December 10, 2004, at 13:22:42
In reply to Re: just wanted to share » Shortelise, posted by Susan47 on December 10, 2004, at 3:50:24
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 10, 2004, at 17:43:01
In reply to just wanted to share, posted by lifeworthliving on December 9, 2004, at 0:35:13
Dear Life~
What a lovely post. I agree with those above who said we all know things about ourselves & our needs that would shock other people.
It sounds like you take care of so many people and things. I am very happy that you have a caring therapist and some items of comfort from her. Let yourself revel in them.
:) Kim
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