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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Fallen4MyT on November 29, 2004, at 0:44:59
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Poet on November 28, 2004, at 1:34:46
Also add do not tell me you get diarrehea when you have to do lectures....I have no need for this info and do not have a fear of public speaking
Posted by Aphrodite on November 29, 2004, at 18:26:06
In reply to Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Aphrodite on November 27, 2004, at 8:01:05
Do NOT slurp your drink while the patient is talking!
Sheesh. I can't believe I had to even write that one. Can you tell I just returned from a session?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2004, at 23:05:57
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Aphrodite on November 29, 2004, at 18:26:06
--Don't belch after drinking a large swig of your soda. I did that...D'oh! So embarrassing.
--Don't blame the secretary all the time when you are really late.
--Don't double book.
---Do have tissues. Lots and lots of soft tissues.
---Do use humor at times. Laughter is healing, as some wise woman on another board said (Jai) :)
---Do refer out when someone's problems are not within your area of expertise to treat.
Loving this thread! (and taking notes)
gg
Posted by Aphrodite on November 30, 2004, at 6:31:42
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2004, at 23:05:57
You don't need to do that -- we know you instinctively know these things!
Love your contributions, by the way!
Posted by gardenergirl on November 30, 2004, at 8:35:57
In reply to taking notes » gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on November 30, 2004, at 6:31:42
Posted by Blossom on November 30, 2004, at 21:31:29
In reply to Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Aphrodite on November 27, 2004, at 8:01:05
This is a great thread!
I have one to add...Don't bother trying to come in and do therapy when someone significant in your life has just died.
My T came in one day after just having attended the funeral the day before (BTW, he didn't tell me this. I overheard him talking with a colleague) Let me tell you, it was the worst therapy session ever! Boy was he cranky and morose! I left feeling so horrible.
I know that T's are not supposed to bring their own issues into the therapy session, but maybe there are times when it is unavoidable...
Blossom
Posted by messadivoce on December 1, 2004, at 2:13:01
In reply to Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Aphrodite on November 27, 2004, at 8:01:05
I would have to add, monitor the temperature of your office. My T had this little cubbyhole for an office and it was always sweltering! He had a little fan which provided marginal improvement. Once when I was visibly sweating he turned it towards me...and it blew my hair around.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 9:31:40
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2004, at 23:05:57
re. referring out. That may indeed be good advice, but I would add to the list that therapists understand what termination of any sort does to a client, and behave accordingly. Perhaps suggest adjunct therapy, or a transitional time, or something.
Were my therapist to say that I was outside his range of expertise (and fortunately I'm not - he's had experience in the area) I would never ever go see the person he referred me to, it would cause trust problems forever, and I would have probably killed myself (I'm not being dramatic here, literal) at the perceived rejection.
I think not taking on a client outside of your ability to treat is a no-brainer. Referring out someone who's grown attached is a whole lot trickier.
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 9:34:28
In reply to Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Aphrodite on November 27, 2004, at 8:01:05
DO be flexible. Clients aren't eggs, twelve standard to the box. They're individuals.
That's my therapist's greatest strength. He's willing to evaluate what's going on and change course if necessary.
And DO be committed to the therapeutic relationship. Trust is a big issue with so many of us. Knowing that a therapist can get angry, or feel frustrated, yet remain committed to working it through, is healing in itself.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2004, at 10:14:59
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 9:31:40
Oh I definately agree with referrals and/or terminations for long term clients. I was thinking after the initial interview or session or two, if it's outside of your realm, you really have no business beginning treatment, unless you are the only game in town. And if that's the case, you need to get a supervisor even if at a distance, ASAP.
Sometimes I think T's can get caught up in the idea that they can apply similar techniques to new (to them) problems. That's not necessarily the case.
gg
Posted by Daisym on December 1, 2004, at 10:20:11
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2004, at 10:14:59
problem is, lots of us don't disclose the "real" problem for a long time.
then what?
ESPECIALLY PTSD...
Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 10:50:43
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2004, at 10:14:59
Now that I definitely agree with, although as Daisy said, it sometimes takes years to come out with the sticky stuff. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2004, at 11:22:15
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 10:50:43
So may times the presenting problem is the "safe" problem to deal with. Hmmm, I may even be living proof of that, too.
It certainly complicates matters. I just have seen supervisors of other trainees who take on everything and anything, and they clearly did not know enough about the specifics to be effective in treating, let alone supervising.
Ugh
gg
Posted by Soulnik on December 2, 2004, at 20:11:17
In reply to Daisy and Dinah: you are so right, posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2004, at 11:22:15
FABULOUS TOPIC!!!
Here's my contribution:
Call when you say you're going to call. Do EXACTLY what you say you're going to do and if you can't for some reason, take responsibility.
My therapist has told me she was going to call me the during the week when I was having a particularly hard time and then she didn't! I felt deserted.
Posted by Dinah on December 2, 2004, at 23:04:24
In reply to Re: Daisy and Dinah: you are so right, posted by Soulnik on December 2, 2004, at 20:11:17
Eeek. Mine did that once. Well, not once - several times, but all in one time period years ago. I've forgiven him. But I don't think I've entirely forgotten.
Yeah, that's a biggie. Sometimes we're hanging on by our fingernails waiting for that call, but we might not seem that frantic on the surface.
Posted by daisym on December 3, 2004, at 1:15:11
In reply to Re: I have a do » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 9:34:28
Do let us know of anything different that might be happening -- like painting the building, or moving the furniture, etc.
Don't share your answering machine with other therapists. Have private voice mail.
Say "Hi, how are you?" in a casual, not stopping way when we see you in public. Don't ignore us, unless you've explained ahead of time that is what you will do unless spoken to first.
Add something about gifts to your handout about what to expect while working together (do have one of those!)Be clear - either you accept token gifts or you don't.
Posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:24:14
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Poet on November 28, 2004, at 1:34:46
Posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:27:15
In reply to Re: I have a do, posted by daisym on December 3, 2004, at 1:15:11
Don't share private details about your personal life. There has to be a balance I think. Not every therapist gets this. I had a therapist tell me... "don't give me shit today I had a hard weekend." I felt like saying I had a hard life, don't give me grief. I didn't.
Don't share details about other patients. I can't tell you how many therapists I have had that discussed that they had another client that... I totally hated that. It's like I'm here right now -- deal with me in the now.
Posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:34:14
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by Poet on November 28, 2004, at 1:34:46
(my last post disappeared... I posted two separate posts in a row because I had several ideas and wasn't able to articulate them all in one sitting...
Do not fall asleep on client. (that has to mean something I'm just not sure what)
Do not be overly emotional. Not every client needs that kind of support. I can hear a therapist better when they are factual and unemotional.
Meet the client where they are at (emotionally) not where you think they are at or where you'd like them to be at.
Posted by Joslynn on December 3, 2004, at 13:43:36
In reply to Re: I have a do, posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:27:15
I completely agree about not sharing details about their private lives or other patients!
I don't need to KNOW that your son got called into the principal's office yesterday or what you and your spouse disagree about, TMI!
And when they tell anecdotes about other clients, I wonder...will I be the illustrative anecdote to the next client who walks in?
They are not supposed to disclose details about their personal lives or other clients and you are right, it is suprising that they do this. Even ones who are otherwise really good Ts can slip in this area.
I had to bring this up to someone, with examples, and they finally got it and apologized. But it caused damage. It made me all confused.
Posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 16:16:26
In reply to Re: I have a do » multitask, posted by Joslynn on December 3, 2004, at 13:43:36
Joslyn,
I agree and for the same reason. I have often wondered what illustrative anecdote would be used about me to another client.
I have been in the same position where I had to bring it up to a therapist and it wasn't pretty. At first they were somewhat defensive until I gave examples than he was somewhat solemn. Sometimes I think maybe I have been in therapy too long or have educated myself too much when I can see the counter-transference before he can.
Oh well. I guess there are worse things.
Posted by simcha on December 3, 2004, at 19:00:17
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:34:14
This is a wonderful list.
Currently I'm a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee in California. I'm in my 3rd and final year of my MA in Counseling Psychology Specializing in Transpersonal Psychology.
This list is very useful and it's stuff I'm hearing in my training. So, that's telling me that my training center is really good.
On self-disclosure: What we are taught is to not disclose at first with new clients. We are taught to be very conservative about self-disclosure... That therapist that disclosed, "I've had a bad weekend so don't give me any cr*p." was WAY out of line.
What I've been taught, and how I practice is that I will only disclose if it is somehow relevant to the client's treatment at the moment I'm disclosing. I also have to be careful about how much I disclose when I disclose. I have to make sure that it is for the benefit of the client and not just my own counter transferential need to disclose.
Thus, as you can see, I disclose very little at all. It's very rare for me to disclose. Then again I've only been seeing clients for three months now so my style will change most likely. I think I will ALWAYS be careful about self-disclosure.
Thanks, all of you for letting us know who are in the profession what we should be doing. It really helps. Of course, I'm a client too. I've been in therapy for ten years and on medication for Major Depressive Disorder with Recurrent features for about four years now. So I know what it's like to sit on in the other chair. It's very strange sitting in the therapist's chair after all these years. And I've learned alot about what to do and what not to do from therapists I've seen.
My school places a high value on self-work. That's why they require that students seek out therapy while they are in school, especially when starting to see clients. This requirement for me was a no brainer since I know I couldn't do this without the support of therapy.
Blessings and Thanks!
Simcha
Posted by mair on December 3, 2004, at 22:48:08
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by multitask on December 3, 2004, at 11:34:14
Back on the issue of procedures - take the initiative to change or reiterate or clarify them when it's necessary. I went for ever thinking it wasn't ok to ever call my T at home when she was thinking the whole time that I understood that I could.
Don't jump in too quickly to bail out a client who's struggling over what to say.
Don't finish your patient's sentences - my T does sometimes because she's either taking pity on me for struggling so much or she's impatient waiting for me to finish - I wouldn't mind so much except she very frequently supplies the wrong ending to my unfinished sentence. It makes me feel that she really doesn't understand.
This is tough, but don't always supply the rational counterpoint to a client in distress. Sometimes I don't want her to help me process my misery, but just to share it.
I also agree that it's preferable to acknowledge a patient you run into outside of the office. You don't need to stop for conversation necessarily, but the acknowledgement part is important.
Mair
Posted by dawnfawn on December 4, 2004, at 11:16:55
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by mair on December 3, 2004, at 22:48:08
1. Don't be late. If you are late don't be late at the first visit. Don't be late consistently.
2. Don't watch the clock.
3. Please remember my name and pronounce it correctly.
4. Please explain your orientation and your thoughts on how long this will take.
5. Please explain any types of take home homework or reading, don't assume I understand you.
6. Please go over your notes from last time before we meet. It is my dime we are running on here.
Posted by dawnfawn on December 4, 2004, at 11:30:02
In reply to Re: Babble Guide to Therapists: Do's and Don'ts, posted by dawnfawn on December 4, 2004, at 11:16:55
> 1. Don't be late. If you are late don't be late at the first visit. Don't be late consistently.
> 2. Don't watch the clock.
> 3. Please remember my name and pronounce it correctly.
> 4. Please explain your orientation and your thoughts on how long this will take.
> 5. Please explain any types of take home homework or reading, don't assume I understand you.
> 6. Please go over your notes from last time before we meet. It is my dime we are running on here.
7. Please, Please if you don't think you can help my type of problem or if you think it needs medicine or some other approach, Please do not wait until three months have gone by to let me know.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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