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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
Hi everyone,
I am new here and need some advice.
I have been seeing a T for several months but haven't been able to bring up any of the real issues that are problematic for me. The only things I discuss are "false" issues which I know
would be expected to be on my mind but are not as of now.I asked my T if switching to e-mails would be ok, and he agreed, but it turns out that the distance hasn't made it any easier. I write once a week and cannot bear the thought of mentioning the real issues, for fear of sounding pathetic and ridiculous. From an objective point of view, bringing up these problems would be a mistake. They are such sensitive issues for me and have been driving me nuts for many years. However, mentioning them would be similar to a supposed agoraphobic's explanation that the real reason he hasn't left his house for years is his belief that an alien is to visit him any day now and he doesn't want to miss out on the visit.
My last e-mail (more of the same act), was answered after a long time and only after I wrote to my T asking if he had received it. The delay made me feel that he may be too busy for this, or that he may be laughing at me behind my back and replying as one would answer a stupid question asked by an intellectually challenged person. His reply was also very general and seemed to be an effort to "get it over with", with the result being greater difficulty in sending the next e-mail.
Does anyone here have any advice?
I feel like simply giving up.Thanks,
Meg.
Posted by Susan47 on November 6, 2004, at 19:40:18
In reply to problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
I wish I had the correct answer, all I can add is that this sounds like me in therapy. Now that I'm no longer seeing my therapist, I'm beginning to realize he probably could have been trusted. I didn't trust him. It sounds like you don't trust your therapist, either. It's probably just your own perception, as I think mine was. Good luck and best wishes, you deserve the best I'm sure.
Posted by Daisym on November 6, 2004, at 19:42:59
In reply to problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
Meg,
Welcome to Babble. You will find that many of us struggle with how to bring up the "real" issues all the time.
I have a couple of questions though...are you doing therapy via email? Or do you still go in once a week and email in between? Try to remember that it is really hard to read intention into an email...sort of like sarcasm doesn't work very well.
The other question is what did you go into therapy for? Was there a specific issue that took you there and now there are all these other things? Or is this big one why you went but now find it more difficult than you thought to talk about? Sometimes it takes more than a few months to develop a trusting relationship with your therapist, even if you like them a great deal.
Ultimately, it takes courage. If you wait to feel totally ready, you may never get the help it sounds like you really want. I've learned the hard way that my therapist can not magically see what is going on with me, I have to tell him. And if I hedge, he might not get it, and then I'm upset. Ask yourself what the worse thing that could happen would be, then ask yourself how likely this really is. Other people might ask you to look at what you are paying for too... And, ask yourself if you really NEED to bring it up at all...what will you gain from it? The TV notion of blurting something out, having a cathartic experience where the therapist says, "ah-ha! That's why you are such and so" -- is a big myth. Therapy is a lot of work, talking about something is really only the beginning.
There is no easy answer. I wish there was. I hope this helped at least a little.
Posted by Aphrodite on November 7, 2004, at 8:58:10
In reply to problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
Welcome! Your first post sounds just like my first post and here I am still dealing with it months later. It's so scary to expose your vulnerabilities. We all spent lifetimes stuffing and hiding our real issues. You could begin by saying that you have difficult things to say and don't know how to begin. You could have several sessions just exploring your reservations about revealing yourself. Then, your T could maybe gently guide you. Sometimes when I would do this the real issues just started coming out without planning. I hope you'll be able to do this in person rather than email because they are trained to read your body language and non-verbal cues. Plus, it will help you connect and feel closer.
Good luck.
Posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 10:59:29
In reply to problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
I think it's what the others have said, a question of trust and it develops slowly or it might not at all and if so you can consider of finding someone else who is more in tune with you. I've stayed with mine for three years now and in the first year I didn't talk at all about the real issues that had brought me to her in the first place, that is my feelings and experiences and causes of the acute psychotic episode that I had. But even though I couldn't trust her at first, I had faith in her and so I stayed and she stayed with me too. I'm not sure though, how you can be in therapy by email or do you see him as well? I write to mine too but then I try and discuss it a bit. Being unable to say what troubles you is part of the problem so I agree with the others, try and solve this out first and discuss it.
All the best,
Froso
Posted by cubic_me on November 7, 2004, at 13:22:02
In reply to Re: problems with therapy, posted by Froso on November 7, 2004, at 10:59:29
Hi Meg, this sounds really difficult for you, and you are really not alone. One of the ways you could test the water is by saying to you therapist that there are things on your mind that you aren't ready to tell him at the moment, but are imortant to you. If he earns a little more of your trust through his reaction to this, you could reveal a little bit more.
You don't need to tell everything all at once, baby steps are all we can manage sometimes. And in truth, you don't *need* to tell him at all, it is totally your choice. And if he doen't feel like the right person to tell then maybe you could try another therapist. It takes alot of courage to say those difficult things, but you can't progress without it.
Posted by tryingtobewise on November 8, 2004, at 2:04:31
In reply to Re: problems with therapy, posted by cubic_me on November 7, 2004, at 13:22:02
Hi Meg ~
I can relate to your post. Email isn't an option for me, and I have disclosed in person what I feel is my "very stupid" issue that I'm sure people would laugh at or not understand the severity of. At my last visit with my therapist (who is a psychiatrist), I asked if she sometimes just sat there listening to me thinking to herself that she can't believe she spent 8+ years of medical school/training to listen to someone with this type of problem. She promptly pointed out that she didn't think my problem was stupid at all but that it was very likely I was "projecting" my own feelings about my problem onto her.
This made sense to me. And even though I still can't help but think she must think my probs are ridiculous, it is likely I'm being too hard on myself.
So after this long post about me, I'm wondering it the same might possibly be true in your case. Perhaps you're assumning your T will find your probs laughable when really it is only something *you* worry about.
Good luck.
Kim
Posted by meg7 on November 8, 2004, at 15:37:39
In reply to problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 6, 2004, at 15:37:47
Susan, Daisy, Aphrodite, Froso, cubic_me and Kim,
Thank you all very much for your support and wise words. Your advise has been very helpful.I guess trusting my T is very difficult and the regular sessions felt like being in a job interview- being careful to say just the right thing, not to slip up, etc. I don't go to him anymore, though he thinks it's a mistake and that email therapy should only be a last resort. It seems that hiding behind a computer screen hasn't made things any easier, though.
Posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 16:24:53
In reply to Re: problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 8, 2004, at 15:37:39
I feel so much empathy for you, Meg. I feel pretty safe saying that I know how you feel.
I'm so insecure I completely botched my chance at therapy. To top it all off, I fell in love with my therapist. I feel so embarrassed saying that, but once I can be honest about it maybe the feelings will eventually disperse.
I wish you well, please don't stop posting. It really helps me, too, to know that other people have feelings and actions like mine, even though they're not exactly the same, the similarities are so good to hear about.
Posted by annierose on November 8, 2004, at 16:46:07
In reply to Re: problems with therapy, posted by meg7 on November 8, 2004, at 15:37:39
meg7 - hang in there. I tend to agree with your T. Can you try doing both, e-mail plus attend your regular sessions. So much is lost in the written word. Your non-verbal body language is an important element as well as your tone when you speak. We all know how hard this is. But try to remember that the T knows that, and is there to help you.
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