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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on October 25, 2004, at 19:18:40
Sometimes I feel bad for my therapist. He hardly ever gets to see the happy and light parts of my personality. Unfortuantely, therapy is one of the only places that I feel comfortable enough talking about the darkness that seems to consume me at times. It is that in which we usually discuss. But I feel bad, I wish I could go in there and be okay, but I'm not, and it is not that he hasn't helped me, it's just that I still have this ever pervasive guilt and saddness that lingers in my soul that needs to be let out. I guess it is his job to listen, but I care about him and wish I didn't have to be the client who makes his job harder than it already is. Therapy is hard....maybe I shouldn't go on Wednesday?
Rubenstein
any thoughts???
Posted by mandinka on October 25, 2004, at 19:58:51
In reply to feel bad for therapist, posted by rubenstein on October 25, 2004, at 19:18:40
The idea is that you, the patient, don't take care of the therapist - his emotions included. Ts know that people who come to them aren't happy campers, so it's unlikely he is disappointed with you. Even if he was, it's not your job to worry about that. That would be solely his problem. Don't try to please him.
Posted by crushedout on October 25, 2004, at 20:00:05
In reply to feel bad for therapist, posted by rubenstein on October 25, 2004, at 19:18:40
I definitely think you should go. You're not making his job harder -- that *is* his job, and I'm sure he knows it. I bet most people who go to therapy bring their dark stuff much more than their light stuff -- that's why we go! You could tell him that you feel guilty about this and I bet he will reassure you that he understands this about therapy as well.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 25, 2004, at 20:56:47
In reply to Re: feel bad for therapist » rubenstein, posted by crushedout on October 25, 2004, at 20:00:05
Rubenstein,
To reiterate what others have said, it is the T's job to listen and help regardless of whether what you talk about is dark or light. I remember when I first started seeing clients in nursing facilities, more than one person asked me, "Isn't that really depressing?" and "How do you handle it?" Well, I love what I do. It's not depressing at all. Sometimes it's sad, and sometimes it feels like a gift of a special moment. There is a whole gamut of emotions. But I love what I do. If I start to burn out on it, I'm sure that would not be any one client's doing. And it would be up to me to deal with it.So please feel comfortable that your T is there for you come what may. And wants your honesty and openness versus wanting to feel pleased.
That said, you might also want to bring this topic up with your T on Wednesday to check it out with your T and let him/her know that you are concerned about it.
Good luck...(and keep flying that Kerry flag!)
gg
Posted by Annierose on October 25, 2004, at 21:49:02
In reply to Absolutely go!, posted by gardenergirl on October 25, 2004, at 20:56:47
... And don't forget to vote! This is going to be a close one AGAIN! Maybe they'll count it correctly this time.
Anyway, on a similar note as Rubenstein's, sometimes I think my T gets a distorted view of my life. I go to there discuss difficulties I encounter with my husband, children, other people.
But certainly, that is not who I am as a total person. And of course, she does know I am not a total failure. But I don't go to my sessions to chat about my weekend. When I brought up this point, she said something along the lines, *this is your time, you can talk about whatever you would like.* Sure, but I'm not spending $140 to discuss "Desperate Housewives" or the current book I'm reading.So I agree with your point, they tend to see the sadder, more difficult, part of our lives. But I do think they understand that. That is their job.
And a difficult job at that.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 22:59:24
In reply to feel bad for therapist, posted by rubenstein on October 25, 2004, at 19:18:40
At the risk of repeating all the wonderful advice you have already received - ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD GO - THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR.
I would, however, like to add something. I too tend to be a ball of doom and gloom in therapy. One of the things I find most helpful about therapy is that I can go and not have to worry about putting on a 'happy facade' pretense.
NOTE: I have recently learned about therapist burnout :-( I think that while that is what they are there for - tell your T. If it is helpful to go and have a honest whinge then tell them. That way (just in case they are finding it hard and are worrying that you are not improving) then they know that you do appreciate them and are finding it helpful.
Just my suggestion. Maybe I am too concerned about therapist burnout now. I don't know...
Posted by Dinah on October 26, 2004, at 8:37:05
In reply to Re: feel bad for therapist, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2004, at 22:59:24
It's hard to imagine positive feedback ever hurting. I know it's helped my therapist when he's feeling discouraged with me. Perhaps too much so...
Posted by rubenstein on October 26, 2004, at 9:39:21
In reply to Re: feel bad for therapist » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on October 26, 2004, at 8:37:05
Thanks for your posts. Therapy is tough sometimes.... but you are right, I will go on Wednesday, and maybe try to discuss some of these issues I have, maybe they are not just with my therapist???? Hmmmm....
Posted by shortelise on October 28, 2004, at 17:52:11
In reply to feel bad for therapist, posted by rubenstein on October 25, 2004, at 19:18:40
I too have felt sorry for my T on many occasions.But he chose this profession.
I assume that it is rewarding in some way. I figure that whatever stage of therapy I'm in, he has others who are at other stages. So when I was in a stage where I wanted to rip him to shreds, hopefully he had other patients who were more in their "real" relationship with him.
Today when I saw him, he was pretty lighthearted. He helps me talk about things I need to understand, but we also laugh sometimes.
It must be fulfilling for him to see such a change in me, to have watched me go from so much darkness to way less darkness. He knows that he helped me get here.
That must be what they hope for, do you think? I mean, we go to them because the darkness is too much, and they help us out of it. That could be a great feeling.
But yes, I know I put mine through it, I would get so sngry at him, and so mean. I felt really guilty about it until he said something about it all being part of a process. I started to cry when he said that, and he guessed why - I had thought I was just a @#$%^. I wasn't. WHy I am weeping as I write this, I don't know.
ShortE
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2004, at 18:28:59
In reply to Re: feel bad for therapist, posted by shortelise on October 28, 2004, at 17:52:11
Wow, thats great!
I have always had a problem with expressing anger appropriately. I would bury it way deep because I thought people would run a mile or attack me if I ever expressed it.
But I wrote my T an honest, angry email (most of the anger was way escalated becuase of transference) and he was civil in his response!
He said that it wasn't in his job description to react to my emotional states, but it was in his job description to attempt to help me understand them.
I cry over that. That is so amazing. It is things like that that make therapy immesurably helpful and worthwhile and worth all the money in the world to me.
This is the end of the thread.
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