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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on October 14, 2004, at 8:07:59
I'm torn about going to therapy. The last few weeks I have felt like I was getting closer to my T and that after a year he is beginning to like me (it's nice but not the purpose) and understand me more. However, the false sense of security therapy provides is troubling and I feel I'm setting myself up for hurt and loss - WHY. Does the benefit outweigh the pain of loss??? I've had one T move after several years and it was very difficult - I don't want to go through it again.
History of csa, abandonment, depression and PTSD all play into this I'm sure...although I'm trying to be practial and not emotional about this. Please Advise!!!
Posted by Pfinstegg on October 14, 2004, at 10:48:09
In reply to To Go or Not to Go see T??, posted by Speaker on October 14, 2004, at 8:07:59
Feeling closer to your T, and feeling liked and accepted, is SO important in therapy. You would naturally be more fearful of loss- both of him, or perhaps just of the precarious closeness you have begun to have. The stakes just do get higher and more scary, but I think all of us here would encourage you to hang in with your T, and tell him, as fully as you can, all of the hopes, wishes, fears and dreads you have hinted at in your post to us. Closeness and trust with your T represent a real move towards health, you know! As you experience more of it, you will know for yourself how important it is to your well-being. Just speaking for myself, it has been by far the most important thing which has happened in my analysis- the deepest, least conscious parts of me, which are holding the memories of severe abuse and neglect, are just beginning to trust and form new connections with my T, after nearly two years of tremendous struggle. It is helping me so much.
Posted by mandinka on October 14, 2004, at 18:39:24
In reply to To Go or Not to Go see T??, posted by Speaker on October 14, 2004, at 8:07:59
Yeah, the pain and fear of being abandoned by your T when you allow yourself to get emotionally attached to him or her is gruelling but there really is no way around it. Only this connection will allow the natural child inside you (your true self) to emerge. Please don't quit. It took you a long time to work for this closeness you have with your T now. That's 90 percent of the work in therapy - getting to the place where you feel really accepted. Don't throw it away. This is the vehicle of heeling.
Hang in there, Speaker!
Posted by antigua on October 15, 2004, at 15:24:33
In reply to To Go or Not to Go see T??, posted by Speaker on October 14, 2004, at 8:07:59
It is really difficult, I know, but even though I've had my ups and downs, I still think it's worth it. I wish it didn't have to be so painful,
antigua
Posted by Speaker on October 17, 2004, at 22:03:00
In reply to Re: To Go or Not to Go see T?? » Speaker, posted by antigua on October 15, 2004, at 15:24:33
I went to therapy and explained what I was feeling. The T agreed that the risk is getting involved and the benefit is getting involved. I thought I just wanted answers not a relationship...this is much more confusing than I want it to be. Thanks for taking time to respond!
Posted by daisym on October 17, 2004, at 22:50:55
In reply to I went to Therapy...thanks for your input, posted by Speaker on October 17, 2004, at 22:03:00
I went for answers too. And got so much more than I bargained for. My therapist tells me that the relationship IS the answer. He is willing to risk being fully in it: I'm more likely to leave than he is, I'm more likely to say hurtful things than he is, and I'm, for sure, more likely to be more demanding than he is. And knowing all of this, he is still willing to risk forming a deeply intimate relationship with me. So, I risk to get better. I think you are going to have to risk too.
It isn't easy. At this point I don't even know what the correct questions are anymore. But I know I'm glad I have the relationship to fall back on. It feels like I'm working with a net now. Not that the high wire isn't still scary, I'm terrified all the time. I just think he'll catch me if I fall.
Hang in. I'm glad you went and talked to him. Keep posting.
Daisy
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