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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 13:42:36
It still hurts a lot to know that your therapist doesn't really care for you personally. I don't doubt that they care very much professionally. But if personally it didn't make a little bit of difference to them, I feel really bad.
Any idea?
Posted by DaisyM on September 21, 2004, at 15:18:21
In reply to It still hurts a lot, posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 13:42:36
I'm struggling with that myself today. (see my posts above.) Somehow intellectually I "get" those boundaries and I really do want to take care of myself. But...
I'm amazed at the nonsensical nature of these feelings. They aren't rational or reasonable in anyway. I can hide them. But right now they are balled up in my chest and causing a weight on my soul.
And force me to ask myself again: "what am I doing to myself?"
Sorry, I feel your pain but don't have the answer. Mostly accepting that they do care, as professionals and that is "enough" to help us. Working through the significance of the other feelings is part of the work, I guess. Crossing over personally gets dangerous and we don't "really" want that. But sometimes are much harder than others. Seems like you are going through one of those times. I'm working on it by writing...do something for yourself to try to get clarity and/or soothe yourself.
and hugs help. (((Pinkeye)))
Posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 15:44:53
In reply to Re: It still hurts a lot » pinkeye, posted by DaisyM on September 21, 2004, at 15:18:21
Thanks Daisy. Your therapist sounds quite nice from your posts. Don't ever leave him.
Posted by morning*bell on September 21, 2004, at 16:05:55
In reply to Re: It still hurts a lot, posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 15:44:53
I've been struggling with this too. My T is incredibly caring, and a person who i cares about me, but lately i feel like it's alot about money. i feel like i'm less and less a person... dunno if that makes any sense...
Posted by Dinah on September 21, 2004, at 22:12:06
In reply to It still hurts a lot, posted by pinkeye on September 21, 2004, at 13:42:36
I figure feelings are feelings. I deal with people at work that I care for a lot. We don't hang out, there may be age differences. But I honestly want the best for them, and care what happens to them. Others, not so much. I may treat them similarly, in a work context, but my feelings are real and they aren't cookie cutter.
The therapeutic relationship may be prescribed by rules. But every single relationship is prescribed by rules. These are just different rules. And we may be paying for their time. But the caring is real. We can't buy it. It's either there or it's not. They feel differently, I'm sure, for each client. And differently for short term clients than long term ones. If it were a purely professional thing, they'd feel the same way about each client. And I really really doubt that's true. Any more than it's true that I care about all my work associates the same.
So they aren't going to marry you, or hang out with you, or go to your wedding, or think of you hour after hour.
But they will know Pinkeye as Pinkeye, and they will care about Pinkeye very specifically as Pinkeye within the therapeutic relationship - at least in long term therapy. Just like we care about each of our friends differently or each of our work acquaitances differently. The trick for me was in finding a therapist whose unique feelings for me as Dinah could be largely positive. :) And it took a long time before I believed that his feelings were largely positive - not just a professional veneer covering largely negative feelings. Or maybe it took him a long time to develop largely positive feelings. Something like that.
Anyhow, I struggled with it for a long time. And what helped me figure it out more than anything was this post from gg.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/321437.html
It still pinches from time to time, but not that often and not nearly as hard as it did.
Posted by pinkeye on September 22, 2004, at 15:39:33
In reply to Re: It still hurts a lot, posted by Dinah on September 21, 2004, at 22:12:06
Thanks a lot Dinah. That post was very helpful. I have started to go to a new therapist here again. This is a woman. And hopefully I will be able to just see it correctly this time. I still have lot of very powerful feelings for my old doctor. But that is ok. I guess it will fade with time and distance.
This is the end of the thread.
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