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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 165 to 189 of 241. Go back in thread:
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 15, 2004, at 18:53:21
In reply to Re: letter to my T re: our affair/ discretion, posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 18:41:13
So honest, and so thoughtful and articulate. So glad you are moving through the grieving stages; it sounds as though you are really in touch with your feelings (definitely a sign of health!), perhaps to a greater extent than he is. I have such confidence that you will find a healthy way out. You'll take some very precious things with you, but some extraordinary losses, too- something it was his resposibility to protect you from. I guess a huge step is moving on to another therapist, with whom you can really process the entire experience- but, as you say, one thing at a time.
Thanks for keeping us informed- it means a lot to -well,me!
Posted by pinkeye on September 15, 2004, at 19:26:39
In reply to Re: letter to my T re: our affair/ discretion, posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 18:41:13
Hi Jadah,
We all knew it was coming to this, didn't we. I am so sorry you are hurting so much now.
But ass much as you feel angry towards this man, try to remember that you also went into the relationship fully knowing the consequences? And you did get the pleasure too. Maybe acknowleding that you did get lot out of him would ease your anger. Finally he has left you, but atleast you got a good 5 years. Maybe you can try to be happy about that and take it with you and go and find someone new now? Don't think you wasted 5 years in your life. You have evolved, grown, had some fun with him albeit some difficulties. So can you try looking at that perspective? It might help ease the anger and the betrayal that you feel.
Pinkeye
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 15, 2004, at 20:44:13
In reply to Re: letter to my T re: our affair/ discretion, posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 18:41:13
> I do wonder what it would be like to have f[*]cked you and shown you everything I have learned...
Sorry to do this in this context, but I'm afraid I need to remind you not to use language here that could offend others.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 22:27:58
In reply to Re: Still here, posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 16:59:56
I hope things get emotionally better for both of you. Whatever his reasons are for his role in this, I hope he can see them and deal with it adequately. He will if he's a thoughtful person. And if he isn't. then he'll probably do this again/has done it before/is doing it again now. I feel really bad for you Jadah and I wish I could help it all go away. But it will in time. It will,, time does truly take away pain, or changes it's shape. It won't always feel the way it does right now.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 18:54:15
In reply to Thanks for posting here, Jadah., posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 22:27:58
Dr. Bob: Jadah's use of the word "fuck" was entirely appropriate when taken in context.
If she'd posted in "Writing" would she have been allowed to use this word? It's in the dictionary. fuck - An act of copulation. 2 A person, esp. a woman, considered in sexual terms or as a sexual partner. (Also) Copulate. 2 Copulate with. Ruin, spoil, exhaust, wear out. She was posting a letter she wrote and she means what she says; it wasn't directed at any person, it *was* in context and you were naive to point it up.Dr. B I'm offended that you refer to Jadah's use of the word "fuck". It said exactly what she had to say when she had to say it. Give us an alternative word. If she'd posted in "Writing" would you have had the same reaction? Because if you would, that's a problem. IMO. (Ban me baby)
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 18:55:44
In reply to Re: Thanks for posting here, Jadah., posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 18:54:15
emailed him. I'm feeling rebellious though and right now I can't really say I care. Kisses everybody. I'm feeling upset, I apologize if I've raised any blood pressures. Or not.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 19:11:23
In reply to Re: letter to my T re: our affair/ discretion, posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 18:41:13
absolutely right-on wasn't it. You're amazing, I'm in awe of that last sentence.
How come Babblers seem to know themselves better than people in real life? I mean, we don't always get it right, especially when we're feeling hurt; but we seem to be thinking about the same things, I mean, dealing with ourselves on a level that I'm not feeling in RL.
Posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:09:24
In reply to Re: please be civil » Jadah, posted by Dr. Bob on September 15, 2004, at 20:44:13
Dr.Bob
I apologize for the oversight, I had removed a lot prior to posting. I would so love to hear your advice/input on my situation, especially since you are the expert and a professional! Please????!!!!
Jadah
Posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:15:28
In reply to Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 18:55:44
Thank you for your support. I see his point, I might have offended someone. I wonder what is going on with you that you are feeling so rebellious? Sounds like you are having a hard time??... spill it, that's what we are here for. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care...
Jadah
Posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:25:01
In reply to Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 18:55:44
I run to the computer like a child in a candy store waiting to hear from all of you. I dont know what I would do without this outlet. I actually found this site accidently....blessing in disguise. The only downside is not being able to correspond immediately, back and forth. I hate posting and then waiting.... I wonder if someone else in my situation will come forward and share their experience, strength and hope. I know there are more people than myself who have been VICTIMIZED, TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.... well, not completely, I have free will. I really wish I could talk to Dr.Bob too. You guys are great though! I hope you all are doing well. I feel like I take up everyone's time. I would like to be able to help you, give you advice, be supportive.... hope to talk to you all soon. Take care all
Jadah
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:19:08
In reply to Re: Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:15:28
Shoot, darn and drat you mean I'm *not* banned? Sheesh. What do I have to do to get banned?
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:37:26
In reply to Re: Dr.Bob, please help!, posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:09:24
I think your use of the word "fuck" was wonderful. Totally in context, completely useful. That was an important way to express yourself, and I'm proud of you for doing it. Oh dear, why're you apologizing?
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:39:38
In reply to Re: my life savers...., posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:25:01
turn on your Babblemail, can't you? This is a candy store, well and truly.
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 0:44:01
In reply to Re: Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:15:28
I don't think I have anything left to spill, I think I'm pretty much spilled out right now. Thank god. I mean this happens with me once in awhile (and I bet I'm not the only one in the world it happens to?) and I just have to spill it, let it all out in a high-energy assertive way or I start to really hurt physically. Sorry, I never meant to rant on the boards, but I don't really want to stop it from happening for me that way, either. This is exactly the type of stuff I'd phone my ex-T with. I have no idea why it happens or why it's like this for me, it just is.
Posted by Jadah on September 17, 2004, at 0:54:22
In reply to Re: Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Jadah on September 16, 2004, at 23:15:28
are you still there? How do I turn on my psychobabble?
Jadah
Posted by Jadah on September 17, 2004, at 0:55:38
In reply to Re: Above was for Dr. Bob, maybe I should've, posted by Jadah on September 17, 2004, at 0:54:22
were on at the same time, dont go...
Jadah
Posted by Susan47 on September 17, 2004, at 1:08:29
In reply to Re: susan, are you still here?, posted by Jadah on September 17, 2004, at 0:55:38
Scroll down the screen until you get to "register" then click and follow instructions. (Update your registration window and enable Babble for yourself.) Just follow the instructions and you can't go wrong. Make sure you scroll down the page until you find what you're looking for, that's all.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 18, 2004, at 1:15:47
In reply to Re: please be civil » Jadah, posted by Dr. Bob on September 15, 2004, at 20:44:13
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040902/msgs/392226.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:19:56
In reply to Redirect: administrative issues, posted by Dr. Bob on September 18, 2004, at 1:15:47
I talked to my T tonight about the letter I gave him. Our conversation was cut short because he was meeting with his friend Paul. He said there is still a lot that we need to talk about. He reassured me that we was not going to leave me and that he actually agreed with a lot of the things that I wrote. God, I am so angry. Should I be grateful that he's not going to leave me??? Please. I asked him if he could honestly tell me that we would never be together again and he said "no, thats part of the problem". I want him to suffer and hurt like I am. He says he loves me very much....is this how you show it, by hurting me just like every other man in my life???? Am I supposed to feel special??? F*ck him. My friend said that he is hurting and he does love me that he's not like the other men. She told me I need to grow up. Maybe, but right now I am just too torn. I want to know what is going on in his marraige that he is never home. What's with that? Is his wife playing susie homemaker while he goes out with his buddies or is his marraige on the rocks? Maybe it is none of my business, but I used to wonder when he was still laying in bed with me at 2am. Get this, I was apologizing to him for feeling the way I am. Everything has always been about him. I want him to see how bad I hurt. I want to.... awh, whats the use... Im drunk and angry. A lethal combination. F*ck him and f*ck me for falling for it all..... I dont know what will become of me..of us. Who cares.......................................How do you like me now????? Sometimes I just feel like nothing matters, including my life. Yah, if I took that maybe then he'd have to own up to his part. Love just isnt worth the pain. I can create enough of that in my own life, I dont need his help. F*ck it. F*ck him, F*ck life in general, Im sick of trying to get better and fight for what????? Maybe when I sober up tomorrow I will feel differntly....NOT
Jadah
Posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:21:53
In reply to Re: my T, posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:19:56
Why wont you respond to me??? Do you really exist?
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2004, at 7:42:42
In reply to Re:Dr.Bob, posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:21:53
It's nothing personal, Jadah. This board is designed for us to support and educate each other. Dr. Bob is only involved on an administrative basis.
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 19, 2004, at 12:38:50
In reply to Re: my T, posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:19:56
You did a really hard and courageous thing- stopping the sex. But, it's so sad to say, there's something even harder ahead of you- stopping seeing him. Every feeling you have- the love, the rage, disappointment, continuing need and dependency- is what everyone would have. Could you gradually start interviewing other therapists, taking your time, and making sure you find one who really feels right for you? Anyone in your situation would need to process all these extremely painful feelings at length. But you can't do it with him- you really need a new person whom you can feel safe and trusting with. Just the facts that you and he shared love, and that you had the health and strength to realize it was better for you to stop it means to me that you have a promising life ahead of you- you will do all these things again with a man who is yours. Don't waste any more time on this *******!
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 19, 2004, at 13:45:41
In reply to Re:Dr.Bob » Jadah, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2004, at 7:42:42
Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2004, at 13:56:37
In reply to Re: my T » Jadah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 19, 2004, at 12:38:50
Posted by kindgirl on September 19, 2004, at 14:55:48
In reply to Re: my T » Jadah, posted by Pfinstegg on September 19, 2004, at 12:38:50
Jadah,
My heart is in agony with you in this!! I have read everything so far, and I have been thinking about it a lot.
I think you need to cut off all communication with him as soon as possible. He is just stringing you along. No matter HOW wonderful he is...HOW great a therapist he is, or how great a lover he is, you are torturing yourself by prolonging this. I am so sorry.It is not for me to tell you what to do...but it is like watching a dog get hit by a car over and over again. I really believe in the bottom of my heart that this will just hurt you more, and I don't want that! Dump him for good. If he is meant to be for you, then it will work out. You can't sit and wait for him the rest of your life. I know, I have been there with a married man before. It just prolonged my agony by hoping we could get back together. :( He never left his wife...my dream never did come true...
I just hate to see you suffer so. I hope you can use your anger to start taking really good care of YOU...find another therapist as fast as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Transition over to the new therapist gradually.
No matter how great it was...what happened was WRONG. He overstepped the line. That is the bottom line. If you can pull back and look at this from an observing point of view, you would agree. The problem is your heart is broken and you love the man. That is understandable.
Thanks for continuing to write, vent, post...my prayers are with you today. I care for you and don't want to add any more pain to you. I just want the best for you.......
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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