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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by shrinking violet on September 11, 2004, at 11:58:34
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too. » gardenergirl, posted by Klokka on September 10, 2004, at 19:46:20
((((((GG))))))
Positive energy to your cousin and T.
Blessings,
SV
Posted by gardenergirl on September 12, 2004, at 19:56:14
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too. » gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on September 10, 2004, at 11:02:26
Thanks for your well-wishes. Actually, my in-laws are great. It was very nice to see them. But after therapy on Friday (he's better, thank goodness!), I was so raw and drained, I'm afraid I wasn't very good company Friday night. Fortunately, Saturday was better. And I DID bake more cookies!
No more word on my cousin, unfortunately...
Thanks again.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 12, 2004, at 19:58:19
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too., posted by Susan47 on September 10, 2004, at 12:53:23
Thanks, Susan. I appreciate it.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 12, 2004, at 19:59:06
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too. » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on September 10, 2004, at 13:43:21
Thanks, Poet. I hope it works as well for my cousin as it did for my T.
Take care,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 12, 2004, at 20:00:11
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too. » gardenergirl, posted by Klokka on September 10, 2004, at 19:46:20
Thanks, dear. It's so nice to know I can come here and find suport no matter what is going on.
Warmly,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 12, 2004, at 20:01:18
In reply to Re: Cancelled again yesterday! and bad news, too., posted by shrinking violet on September 11, 2004, at 11:58:34
Thanks sweetie. I think it helped!
gg
Posted by Passerby on September 15, 2004, at 0:52:35
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! ? gardenergirl, posted by Klokka on September 8, 2004, at 21:13:40
While I understand your connection to your therapist and even your concern about his health, I think it might be helpful if you remember he is human and humans get sick. And, sometimes therapists have issues just like their patients. Three years ago my mother died. About six months later, my therapist's uncle died. Growing up, his uncle was essentially his father. Clearly he had to cancel and that meant more than one appointment. Yet, I was nowhere near over my own pain regarding my mother. But that is how life is sometimes.
I don't minimize the importance of your relationship with your therapist. At the same time, if you care about him you will cut him some slack when life gets tough for him.
Passerby
Posted by Susan47 on September 15, 2004, at 21:52:42
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 15, 2004, at 0:52:35
I agree with you.
Posted by TofuEmmy on September 16, 2004, at 8:47:15
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 15, 2004, at 0:52:35
Sometimes we simply need to vent, ya know?
It's really nice to have a non-judgemental environment where people can just let their hair down, and vent their emotions. It's healthy.
Sometimes it's either that, or kick the dog. I vote for venting! :-)
emmy
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 8:59:11
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! » Passerby, posted by TofuEmmy on September 16, 2004, at 8:47:15
Posted by Passerby on September 16, 2004, at 9:54:53
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! ? Passerby, posted by TofuEmmy on September 16, 2004, at 8:47:15
Yes, venting is good. But I think the original person who posted and the on going "babble" went way beyond venting. I tried to offer another perspective that might help. Venting helps but so does constructive thought.
Posted by Susan47 on September 16, 2004, at 10:09:29
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 16, 2004, at 9:54:53
Absolutely.
Posted by DaisyM on September 16, 2004, at 10:15:30
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 16, 2004, at 9:54:53
I didn't see anywhere in the babble that anyone wasn't allowing the therapist to be human. Mostly it was support about how horrible it feels to want or need your sessions and not get them. An honest expression of those kinds of feelings can't typically be done in most environments. OF COURSE, we know he is allowed to be sick. And, OF COURSE, in a "normal" conversation we would be so grown up and understanding..."no problem, just take care of yourself and I'll see you when you feel better." But the whole idea of posting here is to say what can't usually be said...and to get support and understanding for those feelings.
If there is one thing I've learned, feelings for your therapist are not rational and though we can maintain an outward persona of polite, grown-up understanding of the boundaries and limitations, sometimes, secretly, all we really want is what we really want, without having to be fair or balanced.
*sigh* It would be easier if rational perspective worked.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2004, at 11:26:33
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 16, 2004, at 9:54:53
Um, I wasn't aware that the two were mutually exclusive.
Thanks for your input.
gg
Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 11:08:46
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 16, 2004, at 9:54:53
Chuckle. Gardenergirl has never struck me as someone who has trouble with constructive thought. Perhaps you misunderstood the tone of the thread.
I think Daisy had it right. Here we often allow ourselves to say what's in our secret heart of hearts. The things we know are illogical. Things that if we said them at all to our therapists (amid copious expressions of sympathy for their illnesses) would be accepted by our therapists as exactly what they are, and no more. Grist for the therapy mill. An admission of the importance of our therapists.
Besides, in any situation, therapy or otherwise, down below all the expressed compassion and hands extended to others, there is a tiny bit of the wee child whose first thought is "Yes, but how does this affect *meeee*." Nothing wrong with that as long as we act appropriately. Which I'm sure Gardenergirl did. You can see in her thread that she continued to do all she needed to do in a completely appropriate manner.
But it's still ok to feel upset.
Posted by 10derHeart on September 17, 2004, at 18:19:39
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by DaisyM on September 16, 2004, at 10:15:30
Oh my goodness, Daisy, NO ONE could have said any of this any better. It's as if you lifted my own precise thoughts/feelings about our need for our Ts right out of my head and heart, made them articulate and flowing,then posted them here. Wow! Thank you on behalf of gg (hope that's ok, gg), myself and many more, I'm sure. You continue to amaze, comfort and support so many with your insight. (in awe of Miss DaisyM...10derHeart)
Posted by 10derHeart on September 17, 2004, at 18:35:57
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! » Passerby, posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 11:08:46
....in awe of you, also. Should have read all the posts first (she said sheepishly)...the combination of yours and Daisy's...perfect! I don't even have a T. right now and you brought tears to my eyes (in a bittersweet way) remembering how it felt and what I thought when ex-T. (78-days-post-termination I'm doing *fair*....oh,except for the fact I miss him every minute..) suddenly canx. all his appts. last spring for "a health reason". Arghh!! Thought I would die. All I could do was pray for 16 days. Maybe I'll tell whole story sometime - it still upsets me. You feel torn between the shock of loss of sessions and the intense caring you have for them personally...a muddled mess of emotions, as I recall....
Posted by Passerby on September 17, 2004, at 19:02:21
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! ? Passerby, posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 11:08:46
> Being a newcomer, my mistake was thinking people (a) might actually say what they really mean and (b) want to use this as a real support network in enhancing what they get from therapy so they can get better. Instead, it clearly has a different purpose as you point out. How "constructive" that is for anyone at anytime, is something I am unsure of. Maybe that is what she really needs to think about.
Chuckle. Gardenergirl has never struck me as someone who has trouble with constructive thought. Perhaps you misunderstood the tone of the thread.
>
> I think Daisy had it right. Here we often allow ourselves to say what's in our secret heart of hearts. The things we know are illogical. Things that if we said them at all to our therapists (amid copious expressions of sympathy for their illnesses) would be accepted by our therapists as exactly what they are, and no more. Grist for the therapy mill. An admission of the importance of our therapists.
>
> Besides, in any situation, therapy or otherwise, down below all the expressed compassion and hands extended to others, there is a tiny bit of the wee child whose first thought is "Yes, but how does this affect *meeee*." Nothing wrong with that as long as we act appropriately. Which I'm sure Gardenergirl did. You can see in her thread that she continued to do all she needed to do in a completely appropriate manner.
>
> But it's still ok to feel upset.
Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 19:25:31
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 17, 2004, at 19:02:21
Or that it doesn't function that way? I've found it a very helpful enhancement to therapy and often bring posts or ideas from here to there.
Just because we also use it to express things that aren't widely accepted doesn't mean that we don't do things like help each other with issues of trust and termination, helpful adjunct therapies, normalizing feelings for our therapists, making open some secrets we might not be willing to share with our therapists until we realize we aren't some sort of freaks, finding therapists, leaving therapists (as is unfortunately sometimes necessary), and a host of other things.
How does expressing disappointment over a therapist's illness contradict any positive values in this board?
I'll be totally honest with you here. Sometimes just reading what I write at times makes me realize that I'm overreacting, and helps me correct my thinking. Not to mention the many helpful posters who will nudge me in a supportive manner.
So what issue are you dealing with? What sort of enhancement to therapy are you interested in finding here?
I realize it's hard to be a newcomer anywhere. People already know each other and once you know someone, it's easier to judge the tone of their post. I have many friends here who can generally tell if I'm kidding, teasing, indulging in hyperbole, being dead serious, am on the verge of meltdown, etc. But you don't have to be a newcomer or passerby for long. If you start to post and let people get to know you, soon you too will have a place where everybody knows your name and cares about what happens to you.
Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2004, at 19:37:11
In reply to Okay, Dinah... » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on September 17, 2004, at 18:35:57
If you ever feel like sharing it, please do. I can't imagine... I suppose one day I may well though, in a long term therapy.
So do you feel you were ready for termination? Over two months. Do you think of him often?
Posted by daisym on September 17, 2004, at 20:33:06
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today! » DaisyM, posted by 10derHeart on September 17, 2004, at 18:19:39
Thank you for your kind words. It is nice that I was able to validate what you (and many us) really feel. It's tricky, isn't it?
Posted by daisym on September 17, 2004, at 20:56:37
In reply to Re: Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by Passerby on September 17, 2004, at 19:02:21
Ouch, Passerby, I feel like we hit a nerve somehow.
I want to try to present what I feel about babble in a totally non-defensive way, if possible. I wrote a post a while ago (it's been months) that was essentially a letter to a therapist explaining why anyone would find a board like this useful. But I can't find it so I'll try again here.
Things you need to know about me that might be relevant: I'm a little over 40, married, have three teenagers, one who is in college and live in the suburbs. I run a nonprofit for disabled children. I'm what they call "high functioning" even with depression and PTSD. I run all over the state training groups of people and speaking at conventions, etc. I consider myself smart, logical, organized and a complete realist. (OK, so I'm a Pollyanna about the little kids of the world, but still.)
So, to find myself in therapy 16 months ago because I was seriously suicidal was shocking. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that my husband is pretty seriously ill. His illness, combined with running a company and being super-mom just wiped me out. Therapy was a huge challenge for me because I have always been a "stand on your own two feet" kind of gal. It was such a problem that I started searching for information about the "right" way to "do" therapy. I wanted to make sure I knew everything so my therapist didn't pull anything on me I wasn't ready for. I researched everything I could. The one thing I couldn't find in my research was anyone talking about the intensity of feelings for your therapist. And I thought I was just nuts...especially after I started talking about my childhood and all these different ages were popping up with memories. And then I found Babble.Without being able to express what I was confused about here, as honestly as I dare, I think I would have quit therapy. Because I finally found a group of people here who said, "Yup, feeling like that is normal. Here is how I handled it."
I wish more people had this level of honest support. We all swing back and forth between trying to honestly sort stuff out and get answers to just needed to vent and get support. Sometimes it works better than other times. Sometimes it has even been hostile. But for the most part, if you don't agree with someone or you don't have anything to add, you just don't respond to the post. We aren't trying to fix each other. And sometimes we offer reality checks in a supportive way.
I hope you can find something you can relate to here. There are often threads about articles or philosophies or practical applications of certain techniques. Maybe these will appeal to you. I agree with Dinah though, if you share a little about yourself and/or ask questions you would like answered, you will get so much out of this board. I'm continually impressed with the brain power here. Not to mention the compassion.
It is always nice to have new voices. I hope you feel welcome and not like a newbie for very long.
Posted by Passerby on September 17, 2004, at 22:05:30
In reply to Opinions and support ? Passerby, posted by daisym on September 17, 2004, at 20:56:37
No, you did not hit a nerve. While I appreciate your openness, talking about my background and how I wound up in therapy is not the point (at least it is not why I responded initially). I simply tried to offer a viewpoint that was not being discussed. What I mean is that I thought it was worthwhile to simply remind gg that her therapist is human. It seemed to me she was almost giving her therapist "superhuman qualities", thus intensifying her feelings of transference, not reducing them (which, silly me, I thought that was the point). Or put more plainly, I guess in some ways, the responders were helping her make mountains out of molehills. And, in my world (which if you want some sharing about me, is also a very highly functioning) of finance - mergers and acquisitions and investments, to be specific - is not something that is valued. The idea is to make things simpler not more complicated.
I do not undermine the value of a message board like this but I do think that for the topic of transference, the constant talking about it, public worrying about it, and perhaps even sympathizing about it may, in fact, make it worse. THAT IS THE REALITY CHECK I WAS OFFERING. It might not feel quite as supportive. But it also attempts to help people see things from a different perspective, which can be just as useful.
However, for the sake of those who appreciate what is here, I think I will keep passing by. But, I will make one last observation. Considering the number of posts I got, I actually think I might of hit a nerve or two. Perhaps some people realize that somewhat minor issues, like one or two cancellations, are being debated as if they were issues of world peace. And maybe, just maybe, that does not quite make sense to them, when viewed from a different perspective.
Garden Girl - Good luck and I hope you find peace with your therapist.
Posted by TofuEmmy on September 17, 2004, at 22:45:33
In reply to Can't believe my T cancelled today!, posted by gardenergirl on September 8, 2004, at 12:07:05
Posted by DaisyM on September 17, 2004, at 23:15:03
In reply to Re: Opinions and support, posted by Passerby on September 17, 2004, at 22:05:30
Your point of about "hitting a nerve" is well taken. I will absolutely agree. We had a very(very!) bad experience with a poster here who slammed pretty much everything everyone posted. Speaking for myself, I still circle the wagons too quickly to protect my friends.
Stop back occasionally. You might find something you like.
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