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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
Hello all, I had another EMDR appointment yesterday. I have the goal of ending my problems with alcohol, and both therapists determined that it might help.
It was fascinating - the guilt and shame I feel are so close to the surface, it was very easy to bring up troubling images and emotions. We went through a "typical" alcoholic episode, and have developed an exercise to help me stop my self destructive behaviour.
Again, I left the appointment bouyant and that has carried over to the following day. The possibility that I might be able to make a paradigm shift in my core beliefs and Get A Life beyond the oblivion of one or three martinis is a source of such hope for me. The exercise mostly consists of stopping myself at a point where the anxiety sets in about getting that drink inside me, and reminding myself that it's OK to feel discomfort, and that it will pass.
I'm scared about being successful in this, as it has coloured absolutely everything in my life since being a child. My every move, every decision in life has been associated in some way with alcohol - no wonder I'm afraid. I'm getting anxious just thinking about changing this part of my life permanently.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 14, 2004, at 9:36:32
In reply to EMDR - not finished yet, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
That's great, PC! I'm glad you had a good start with this. It's sounds like it's really a core thing for you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Be well!
gg
Posted by saw on September 14, 2004, at 9:43:01
In reply to EMDR - not finished yet, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
I am so happy that you are feeling positive about this therapy and fully understand the anxiety over change.
(((PC)))
Sabrina
Posted by TexasChic on September 14, 2004, at 10:07:14
In reply to EMDR - not finished yet, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
<The exercise mostly consists of stopping myself at a point where the anxiety sets in about getting that drink inside me, and reminding myself that it's OK to feel discomfort, and that it will pass.>
That sounds like a good plan. I can understand why it would be scary though. Its what you've relied on for so long. Of course it would be scary to let it go. You have alot of courage even to attempt it. I'm rooting for you!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 14, 2004, at 10:57:03
In reply to EMDR - not finished yet, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
PC, this is so great!! And believe me, I completely understand all of the anxiety about changing habits and attitudes, even when they are destructive. They are still FAMILIAR. Change is difficult. ANd I have experienced setbacks along the way of changing my beliefs and how I think. But I keep trying, knowing one day it will stick.
Posted by daisym on September 14, 2004, at 11:30:39
In reply to Re: EMDR - not finished yet, posted by Miss Honeychurch on September 14, 2004, at 10:57:03
Stick with it PC! You are doing great. Shifting such a fundamental coping skill is very difficult. Be patient with yourself. The anxiety that comes with all of this makes us think we can't do it, but we can!
I'm glad EMDR works for you.
Posted by crazymaisie on September 14, 2004, at 12:06:14
In reply to Re: EMDR - not finished yet, posted by daisym on September 14, 2004, at 11:30:39
hi partlycloudy
i just want to say that i have so much admiration for what you're doing. i come from a long line of alcoholics so i have seen first hand the pain and damage alcohol can cause and how incredibly difficult it is to overcome this. i wish you all the strength and support you need and deserve in your mission.
maisie
Posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 12:23:25
In reply to Re: EMDR - not finished yet, posted by crazymaisie on September 14, 2004, at 12:06:14
Thank you, Maisie. I had tried so many other solutions, and I know that my past year's struggle with depression and anxiety are directly related to knowing that I was unable to overcome this problem on my own. It took me almost a year to be honest enough with my therapists to ask them to help me construct a practice that might help me break this pattern.
Whether it's a disease, a genetic predisposition, a learned beheaviour, or a curse on my soul, my first action (and also my sister's) was to not have children. I don't regret that in the least. I can say that a chain has been broken. Resurrecting my own life has been the biggest project I have ever undertaken.
I know for a fact that I'd be lost without the support of all the Babblers I've met here. You all give me strength and determination when my own runs out.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 18:13:48
In reply to EMDR - not finished yet, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 9:27:35
No drink. Clean kitchen floor. Candle burning. New Age music playing. This is my reward. Elation, nervousness, accomplishmernt, trepidation. I'll get through this - it's not so bad (I tell myself). Thank dog for Babble.
Posted by TexasChic on September 14, 2004, at 22:10:03
In reply to The Day After, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 18:13:48
Sounds good to me! Do you have anything to occupy you? I've been thinking of taking up kniting or something similiar as a sort of impulse control. I've stopped the weed (pre-employment drug testing) and I've quit smoking, but its made my binging much worse. The quitting smoking was kind of a fluke. My pdoc upped my dosage of prozac, and it was making me constantly nausous. I didn't put it together for about two weeks. I thought I had some sort of lingering stomach virus. Anyway, I couldn't tolerate a cigarette for several days. Once I felt better (split the dosage) I still felt sick everytime I tried to smoke. So that actually worked out pretty well. Its just that now I seem to be replacing that urge with food. Sigh.
I hope everything is going well for you. You deserve success.
Posted by antigua on September 15, 2004, at 4:25:07
In reply to The Day After, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 18:13:48
Sounds great. Hope today is just as bright.
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 6:46:36
In reply to Re: The Day After » partlycloudy, posted by TexasChic on September 14, 2004, at 22:10:03
I have an entire drawer full of started projects. I have a beautiful pile of beach glass waiting for me to make into necklaces. I have sketch books, water colours, hot glue gun, journals to catch up with... and I will try to take these activites up again as I find the courage to.
The ultimate goal is to get me out of the house and with other people. I am planning to go at least 6 weeks of breaking my "routine" with various chores that I have turned my back on. I figure with a cleaner home, I won't feel as guilty pursuing some hobbies.
pc
Posted by gardenergirl on September 15, 2004, at 8:25:00
In reply to Re: The Day After » partlycloudy, posted by TexasChic on September 14, 2004, at 22:10:03
Sorry to highjack the thread, PC. I just wanted to make a quick comment on knitting. It's very therapeutic! I love doing it. Probably too much in that I have a couple different projects going.
I highly recommend it.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 15, 2004, at 8:34:14
In reply to The Day After, posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 18:13:48
Posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 17:05:23
In reply to Good for you, PC! So happy for you (nm) » partlycloudy, posted by gardenergirl on September 15, 2004, at 8:34:14
Vacuumed the first floor of the house, and company isn't even coming until the weekend!! Major accomplishment. Also un-hurricaned the place - hubby did the hard work. went on a business trip, and I made it pretty again this afternoon. I had a whopper of an anxiety attack all the way home from work. Thought I was going to have to stop the car. But I carried on. Didn't get sick. Didn't have a heart attack. DIDN'T DRINK when I got home.
Sorry you all get to livve this drama with me, I have such high hopes and that's is what freaks me out if I fail.
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 15, 2004, at 18:21:00
In reply to Day Two, posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 17:05:23
You are just doing SO well! It's exciting and encouraging for us all. Even when you have a *down* day, you be able to recall these days when you are doing things the way you really want- and remind yourself that you'll have lots more of them. It sounds as though having a T plus EMDR is a very effective combination!
Just a point of curiosity-does the EMDR have to be kind of short-term (is that its nature?) or can it go on as long as you feel you need it to?
Posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 19:01:07
In reply to Re: Day Two » partlycloudy, posted by Pfinstegg on September 15, 2004, at 18:21:00
I asked whether this EMDR therapy was a treatment with a beginning and an end, or like therapy which goes on until one of you dies of old age. It's meant to be a finite number of appointments, at the end of which your mind has processed particular events in your memory that triggered anxiety or panic before.
My anxiety level is easily half that what it was on most days, unless I'm trying not to drink, in which case my heart is leaping out of my throat. Of course, I can tell you that having a drink does NOT ease my anxiety - it has only ever been my escape hatch into oblivion. PC is just "erased" when she drinks.
The really cool thing about my treatment is that my regular T and the EMDR T work across the hall from each other, and we share notes (emails or phone messages) about where I am up to with each therapist. I really don't think I could be in better hands. I feel very priviledged.
I'm sure I'll be posting more - thanks for reading.
Posted by TexasChic on September 15, 2004, at 22:27:26
In reply to Day Two, posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 17:05:23
I'm happy to live this drama with you! Then I don't feel so bad when you share mine.
You should feel very proud of yourself for getting through day 2. That in itself is a major accomplishment. I think you're stonger than you realize.
By the way, is Ivan effecting you?
Posted by saw on September 16, 2004, at 2:06:20
In reply to Day Two, posted by partlycloudy on September 15, 2004, at 17:05:23
Oh PC, though I shouldn't say it, I really envy you. I keep wanting to say it's not fair, I wish I could do that. But that is so selfish, because what you are doing is not easy. And you are going about it with such a lovely and inspiring attitude. My envy is also my pride for you. I am holding thumbs for you every minute of the day.
Love Sabrina
Posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 4:35:20
In reply to Re: Day Two » partlycloudy, posted by TexasChic on September 15, 2004, at 22:27:26
Ivan's back end has been giving us some wind (!) and some rivers are flooding, but here on the central gulf coast all is calm, relatively speaking.
Posted by partlycloudy on September 19, 2004, at 20:27:26
In reply to Re: Day Two » TexasChic, posted by partlycloudy on September 16, 2004, at 4:35:20
Since it is more of a record than a discussion thread.
This is the end of the thread.
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