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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on September 4, 2004, at 11:29:46
Hello!
I need to know of some books that deal with the discontinuation of therapy..I talked with my therapist last week and she is thinking that im almost done....this scares me. Although I agree with her...I dont wnat to leave her because i dont want to loose are therapist/client relationship. Plus, I live across the street from her office and even after I end therapy, its going to be so difficult for me to know that I cannot go talk to her. THis therapy is going to end peacefully....it isnt like she is terminating me because she is mad...so i guess i could always go back but I have been going once a week for a long time so this will be a big change for me.Does anyone have any good suggestions about how i can talk to her about my frustrations? Or do you have any good books that I might be able to get info from?
As of now..the only major thing I have to get over is the fact that my parents are building a new home and moving from the one house that I know ...the home I grew up in...and it is like I am losing something major in my life. But, after that is over and done with...around thanksgiving...I will be done probably with therapy and that SCARES ME TO DEATH.
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Pandabear <><
Posted by tryingtobewise on September 4, 2004, at 16:20:26
In reply to ending therapy, posted by Pandabear on September 4, 2004, at 11:29:46
Hi Pandabear -
I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I was thinking you might want to check out the thread above yours. It looks like you aren't the only one going through termination angst. It certainly isn't easy.
Best wishes,
Kim
Posted by shortelise on September 4, 2004, at 19:20:48
In reply to ending therapy, posted by Pandabear on September 4, 2004, at 11:29:46
talk about it with your therapist, all angles, every aspect of what it is you're feeling about ending. The end phase of therapy is apparently just as important as other phases, and needs to be talked through and felt through just as everything up to this point has been.
This is the blind leading the blind, btw.
ShortE
Posted by allisonf on September 5, 2004, at 9:53:08
In reply to ending therapy, posted by Pandabear on September 4, 2004, at 11:29:46
I haven't had a chance to read the above thread, but I did have something to suggest. Maybe instead of going from once/week to not at all, maybe for awhile you could go every other week or once a month? I was going once a week but was nervous about going every other week, so my T suggested going 3 weeks on, 1 week off. Now I'm trying every other week. I think the slow weaning process works well.
I also think talking to your T about all of it is important too. Good luck to you.
Posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 3:58:25
In reply to ending therapy, posted by Pandabear on September 4, 2004, at 11:29:46
I'm reading a really good book on the subject at the moment. It isn't going to make termination any less painful, but it is really helpful in deciding if you're ready. "How Much is Enough?: Endings in Psychotherapy & Counselling" by Lesley Murdin.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 6, 2004, at 4:20:26
In reply to Re: ending therapy » Pandabear, posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 3:58:25
Darn, and I was just in Borders in the psychology section. Thanks for posting about this book. I just may check it out.
gg
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 11:06:20
In reply to Re: ending therapy » Pandabear, posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 3:58:25
I've had it in my shopping basket forever, but it's sort of expensive and I was afraid it would be too psychoanalytical (in the traditional sense) to be really useful to me. Sometimes I find that type of book to be too hard to wade through.
But if it's more practical, it certainly would be timely for me.
(Not that I'm terminating. I'm never going to terminate, just reduce frequency.)
Posted by Pandabear on September 6, 2004, at 11:27:17
In reply to Re: Is that a good book? » lookdownfish, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 11:06:20
Thanks for the book suggestion. I have to keep reminding myself that IM not terminating rather I am trying to go less frequently. Right now im going once a week and Im going to back off to only going when I need her. This is hard for me because Im so used to a set schedule. When she is telling me that Im almost ready to leave her..she doesnt mean permanently, she means to come when i need to rather than at a scheduled time. It is just hard for me to back down because I dont want to loose this connection that I have with her...its so frustrating and I DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HER about it...im sure that this will take more than one session to discuss. I am on her books through december so im thinking that after that...I will be backing off.....its nice to know that i can come back..its not like she is banning me from coming to her...
Would it be wrong of me to ask her if i can hold onto something of hers to have while out of therapy...or is that pushing my luck. I have heard of people doing this so that they feel like they are taking the therapist with them...I dont know what to ask for...
Posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 16:02:38
In reply to Re: Is that a good book? » lookdownfish, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 11:06:20
It is definitely biased towards the psychoanalytic paradigm, but would be relevant to any type of psychoanalytically-informed therapy rather than just traditional psychoanalysis. It doesn't get too bogged down in theory. I would say its aimed at professionals rather than clients, but to the average well-informed babbler, it's not too heavy going. It doesn't give practical advice in a self-help kind of way, but it describes a variety of clinical situations throughout the book as examples, so that keeps it quite readable and interesting.
I guess I bought this book wanting to know how I can ever get to the point that I could bear to leave my therapist. Well it doesn't give me the magic answer, but it clarifies a bit how one might work towards it.
Let me know if I can give you any more info.
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 16:09:13
In reply to Re: Is that a good book? » Dinah, posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 16:02:38
Thanks. :) I'll take another look at it.
So are you attempting to work toward it?
There seems to be this general idea that therapy eventually ends. I don't understand it at all, but there it is. Just call me Woody Allen. Ummm... well, in that particular area anyway.
Posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 16:36:38
In reply to Re: Very long term therapy » lookdownfish, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 16:09:13
I think therapy for me, has to be some kind of process with an outcome rather than a lifestyle choice. It's really nice just to go along each week and offload the current problems, but I always have this feeling that I should be trying to achieve something tangible. To be honest, my therapist rather tires of this attitude of mine. I think she wishes I would just go with the flow and not try to be so scientific about it.
I'm just coming to the end of a 7 week break from therapy. So at the moment, termination is the last thing on my mind, and I'm just desperate to see her. But yes, generally I am working a bit more towards termination in that I am thinking more about what I want to achieve as an outcome. i.e. improved relationships, satisfaction with my career and so on. But the overriding aim is resolving the transference, i.e. not spending the rest of my life looking for a parental figure.
Posted by LG04 on September 6, 2004, at 18:30:53
In reply to Re: Very long term therapy » Dinah, posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 16:36:38
I have a question, how do you and your therapist go about working towards resolving the transference you have? the need for a parental figure?
Laurie
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 19:29:16
In reply to Re: Very long term therapy » Dinah, posted by lookdownfish on September 6, 2004, at 16:36:38
I used to fight my desire for forever therapy. My therapist used to fight my desire for forever therapy. But we've both given up fighting it. And in giving up fighting it, it took a lot of my obsessiveness about it away. If it should ever come to pass that I change my mind about forever therapy, that'll be fine too. I've been part of relationships and or activities that I thought would always be part of my life, but weren't. Not many I must admit. :) I tend to be pathologically stable, lifestyle wise. Perhaps owing to the fact that I'm not particularly stable in my internal life.
Posted by Speaker on September 6, 2004, at 22:23:59
In reply to Re: Very long term therapy » lookdownfish, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 19:29:16
I would love to stay in therapy forever but it is so expensive. I am always trying to rush myself to figure out what I need so I can save money...then I panic at the thought of being alone. I wish money wasn't an issue.
Posted by Pandabear on September 6, 2004, at 22:26:15
In reply to Very long term therapy- what about $$$, posted by Speaker on September 6, 2004, at 22:23:59
Money is becoming a major issue for me...:(
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2004, at 22:55:03
In reply to Very long term therapy- what about $$$, posted by Speaker on September 6, 2004, at 22:23:59
Well, the extra money would be nice. I feel like I'm working to pay for therapy that enables me to keep working. That's probably the major reason I want to cut down the frequency.
Posted by lookdownfish on September 7, 2004, at 7:41:28
In reply to Re: Very long term therapy » lookdownfish, posted by LG04 on September 6, 2004, at 18:30:53
hmmm its a good question. well it think just talking about it over and over and trying to break down the fantasies that I have regarding the T... which means being very honest and feeling like a complete idiot, so I'm not always as honest as I could be. But hopefully if it is all eventually laid bare, and I can see where the feelings come from, then the grand passion I have for her (and have had for other authority figures in my life) will disappear...hopefully :)
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