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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Skittles on August 31, 2004, at 1:01:12
I started therapy in April for a very specific issue - life as the custodian of another person's child and dealing with family that did not approve. The child has moved back with her parents, so other than a few after effects, I am about finished with my T and the idea terrifies me b/c I know I have MANY, MANY other life issues I need to talk about.
Here's the problem. My main problems are with my mother and she happens to also be a T in the city where I live - in a different suite, but in the same building as my T. My mom is just starting her own practice and while I have no worries that my T would tell her or anyone else anything specific I might say, I am worried that it might affect whether or not she would make referrals to Mom. And also that she might mention to others that referring to Mom wouldn't be a good idea. I have more frustration with Mom than I can even begin to explain, but I don't want to ruin her business before it ever starts.
Now, I need to vent my present "Mom Problem." When I was a teenager (before Mom completed her education), my mother sent me to several T's b/c I was "angry" and she figured it was because my Dad's a jerk. Each time, after a few visits, the T would talk to her and explain that while my Dad had a temper issue, I knew how to deal with him. My real problems were with her b/c I never knew from day to day whether she'd be running hot or cold. And each time, she get angry, rip me away from the T and send me to another. We went through 3 or 4 that way. Now, it's a decade later and I have NEVER, EVER discussed (with her)any issue I have concerning her. Well, there have been some problems lately and I decided it had been a long time and she was now a therapist herself, so maybe things would be different. NOT SO!!! I worked so hard to put things in terms of how I was feeling and not what she was doing - just like she would tell her patients to do. And she got very upset - but at first I thought things were going to be okay. Then at the end of the conversation, she blurts out - "Last time your Dad and I went to counseling, the T said he was a Narcissist. You might want to tell your T about it so she can help you because it's genetic." So see, it isn't her problem because I'm a narcissist!!! Of course, I don't know that I am, but now, in addition to being uber frustrated with my mom, I'm freaked that I could have a personality disorder.
So, how much do I tell my T - and believe me, what I told here is only the cherry on top!
Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 1:45:13
In reply to Help with what to tell T (long), posted by Skittles on August 31, 2004, at 1:01:12
I think if we aren't honest with our therapists, they can't help us. It's unfortunate that your mother is in such close proximity, but your therapy is still your therapy.
Can you talk to your therapist about your concerns about talking to your therapist? Perhaps she can set your mind at ease.
Posted by antigua on August 31, 2004, at 6:39:12
In reply to Re: Help with what to tell T (long) » Skittles, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2004, at 1:45:13
This will sound selfish, but try not to worry about your mother. It's her career and you have your own life to lead. If you have a good T (and run if you don't) s/he will understand and will help you sort out the boundaries.
Maybe you're worried about what your mother will say to your T?
best,
antigua
Posted by lucy stone on August 31, 2004, at 8:27:53
In reply to Help with what to tell T (long), posted by Skittles on August 31, 2004, at 1:01:12
How close is your T to your mom? Do they interact on a daily basis or only occaisionally? It would not be ethical for her to share anything that comes out in your therapy with others, even indirectly, like not referring clients to your mother or telling other Ts not to refer to your mom. If she doesn't interact with your mother very often it would not be much of a problem, but if they have a close professional relationship it would be difficult. I think that if your T interacts with your mother alot, it would set up a dual relationship and it could be difficult for your T to treat both your mother and you in an objective way. Are you so attached to your T that you wouldn't want to switch? If it were me I would be more comfortable with a T that didn't know my mother, unless I were really, really sure she could keep the relationships separate.
Posted by shrinking violet on August 31, 2004, at 11:19:36
In reply to Re: Help with what to tell T (long), posted by lucy stone on August 31, 2004, at 8:27:53
If you really like your T and aren't willing to give up on the relationship so easily, then I would discuss this with her. Let her decide whether she thinks she can keep everything in perspective, and by talking about it you might be able to decide for yourself whether she can do that also, and how you really feel about it. As for your Mom, would it be possible to see her in family therapy sessions? She is a T, but she's also a mom, YOUR mom, which probably trumps any therapeutic objectivity. ;) Maybe if you two could sit with an unbiased professional, you both could work things out. Good luck.
Posted by shortelise on August 31, 2004, at 12:04:25
In reply to Re: Help with what to tell T (long), posted by shrinking violet on August 31, 2004, at 11:19:36
I agree with Shrinking violet.
Give her a summary, ask her if she can separate your mother from the therapist in her building.
What a very sticky problem.
ShortE
Posted by rockymtnhi on August 31, 2004, at 13:55:57
In reply to Help with what to tell T (long), posted by Skittles on August 31, 2004, at 1:01:12
I am sorry to hear that your mother was not able to hear what your were trying to tell her. Even is she disagreed, she could have at least been more supportive.
I am wondering if you current therapist has already picked up on some of the issues with your mother.
As a mother myself, I would want my children to move forward with what they needed to do for themselves over protecting me. I can see your mother jumping into the middle of your therapy to control things. Do you even have to tell her that you are going to therapy or who you are seeing?
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