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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LG04 on July 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
hi, i haven't been reading much here lately because i am on vacation and not seeing my therapist. and it hurts to read threads because you all are still seeing your therapists.
i have decided that i am moving back to america. my support system here is much stronger and i miss it here. it's hard for me to do the work that i am doing with my therapist because i don't have a strong support system overseas where i am living.
however as i am realizing that i making this decision, the pain of leaving my therapist is almost unbearable. i cried for hours last night and finally got out of bed today at 3 p.m. I can hardly function. my relationship with her is the most intimate, real, supportive, safe relationship i've ever had with anyone my entire life. i've never let anyone in the way i've let her in to my heart. it is the most important relationship in my life (i am not married nor do i have children). and we are not terminating in a gradual way, at a time when i am ready to leave her or therapy. we are only terminating because i am moving. it's very, very premature.
i don't know how to deal with this pain. it is gut-wrenching. i can't believe i am making a choice that is causing me so much pain. but i know it's better for me to live here where i grew up. i need my family (for better or worse) and my friends.
i feel like i will never get over this loss. that i will miss our relationship for the rest of my life.
i am calling her from here often, we have set up a calling schedule to help "wean" me from her. sometimes talking to her causes more pain though because i just feel the loss.
we have talked about continuing our relationship in some way. but i am not even in a place yet where i can try to figure that out. and in many ways it doesn't matter...what we have now is ending, and any other kind of relationship we might create will not be the same.
also in my intense grief i just want her to go away forever. it hurts too much. i know she loves me very much and that hurts too. everything hurts regarding her right now.
thank you for listening. she suggested that i write to you all about what i am feeling. that you will understand. maybe someone else has experienced something similar? how do you get through this?
LG
Posted by Pfinstegg on July 19, 2004, at 17:22:39
In reply to missing therapist terribly, posted by LG04 on July 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
This just sounds so hard. I guess the goal, to lessen the pain, would be two-fold: first, staying in contact with her, however you need to, for as long as you need to- maybe always to some degree, like sending a Christmas card every year once the initial separation is over. Second, to try to find every way you can to internalize her- keep all your e-mails and letters- do you have a photo of her? It sounds like you interrupted, rather than termin ated, your therapy. Are you planning on finding another therapist in the US? Over time, that should help tremendously in healing the loss you are feeling now.
Posted by steelmagnolia25 on July 19, 2004, at 21:59:05
In reply to Re: missing therapist terribly » LG04, posted by Pfinstegg on July 19, 2004, at 17:22:39
Oh boy, do I empathize. Your post hit so close to home for me. My T and I will terminate in two weeks and I'm trying SO hard right now not to think about it. I posted several weeks ago when we decided to terminate earlier and it was a big bust. I went crawling back to therapy less than 2 weeks later and I felt like a mess. Unfortunately, that won't be an option this time. He is actually leaving the area.
I'm sorry, I didn't intend for this to be all about me. I really just wanted you to know that you are quite lucky that your T sounds open to some form of continuing communication. My T is very opposed to this, even though our termination is being forced by circumstance. I would give anything to be able to continue communicating by phone, letter, or whatever.
I hope that the pain eases and you find another T very soon to help you deal with this pain.
Posted by Vwoolf on July 20, 2004, at 9:21:03
In reply to missing therapist terribly, posted by LG04 on July 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
Hi LG, I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling such a lot of pain. I know what it is like to feel so intensely attached and to have to terminate, and it’s a really bad place to be. It’s as if your whole body aches.
I am finding a bit of respite at the moment, I don’t quite know for how long (it’s been three days, so I am not exactly an expert). I had to vent all my feelings first though, even though I knew intellectually that I was projecting a lot of my own childhood issues onto the situation. I eventually dreamed of a more positive, gentler way to handle things, and it has seemed easier since then. Unfortunately that won’t help you at all – dreams come by themselves. Just try and be gentle with yourself – if you need to spend all day in bed, do so but don’t punish yourself for it. It’s actually ok.
A warm hug
VWoolf
Posted by gardenergirl on July 20, 2004, at 10:19:12
In reply to Re: missing therapist terribly, posted by Vwoolf on July 20, 2004, at 9:21:03
You've made some big, life-changing decisions lately, and I agree that being close to a support system is important. But of course this will also be extra stressful. I'm sorry that this premature termination is so painful. It sounds like you and your T have a good plan to help you cope, and I hope that you find it comforting. I also hope that you find writing here to be a source of support to you as well.
(((LG04)))
Take gentle care,
gg
Posted by rs on July 20, 2004, at 19:56:42
In reply to missing therapist terribly, posted by LG04 on July 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
I am sorry how you are feeling and what is goin going on. the same thing happened to me when my T moved that I was seeing for many years. I wish I knew what to say. KNow that I understand and will say it hurts. It hurts much. I know right now this does not help but over time it does get easier. You may not even want to think that or feel that but it will. I have spoken with mine twice over the few years of him being gone. I know that if I have any issues about my therapy now he will be there to support me. But he will not give my therapy which is ok. I never thought that I would find someone like him. Well did and guess was lucky that way. Again know I understand and am very sorry for this.
This is the end of the thread.
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