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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terrics on July 13, 2004, at 21:38:37
I am addressing this to anyone who might know why i want to kill myself after individual dbt therapy. Anyone very aware of dbt? She grills me for 45 min on why I cut last week. on and on and on even if I do not know why. I feel very inferior. I cannot seem to get the hang of this program.
Tonight I lined up the pills and checked what else I have. It was a strong urge. Then my friend called and I felt better. She said I can call her any time tonite. i rarely have suicidal urges..very rarely. it is the dbt causing this.
My life has been a waste. No kids, only a fake husband. And as for career; it took me 25 yrs to get my RN [2 yr degree] and I will probably get laid off in Aug. terrics
Posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2004, at 23:40:49
In reply to DBT thoughts of suicide***why?, posted by terrics on July 13, 2004, at 21:38:37
I'm sorry it's so tough in therapy. I know I would not want to be grilled for 45 minutes or at all. Have you told her that's what this feels like? It may be that she is doing something called chain analysis. Is she trying to reconstruct times when you cut to see what factors are involved and what you felt, thought, did, etc.? That process IS grueling. But is should also have some validation to it. If you say you did X because you felt Y, the T should be able to put herself into your place and see how that made sense to you at the time...even if it is not what she would do, or might not be the best choice for you to do. Does that make sense? Then she should look at where in the chain you could do something different to have a different outcome. Could she be skimping a bit on the validation part? That's one of the more difficult things for a T doing DBT...balancing validation/acceptance with change.
At any rate, I'm glad you are doing better, and I'm glad you have someone to call tonight.
Please stay safe. Call your friend, call your T, pdoc, hospital, whatever it takes. And please let us know how you are doing a little later.
((((terrics))))
gg
Posted by fallsfall on July 14, 2004, at 7:51:08
In reply to DBT thoughts of suicide***why?, posted by terrics on July 13, 2004, at 21:38:37
Perhaps her grilling forces you to look at your behaviors. Maybe you can see that the behaviors need to change. But maybe you can't see how the behaviors *can* change. So what she is asking of you (really what YOU are asking of you) is to make a change that you can't see is possible. For me, that is an incredibly hopeless position - to know that *I* want to change something but to believe that it is not possible to change it.
You may *need* to be in this position in order to be able to see "outside the box" enough to find a way that you *can* change things. Without the discomfort, I know that I don't have the motivation to move outside of my "safe" zone. It is like I have to see the danger of moving out of my safe zone as being "easier" than the pain of staying where I am.
This is how it is for me (but I'm not sure I explained it clearly at all). If this resonates at all with you, but I wasn't clear, I can try to be clearer. It may be completely different for you... This is just one possibility.
Posted by ghost on July 14, 2004, at 13:47:16
In reply to DBT thoughts of suicide***why?, posted by terrics on July 13, 2004, at 21:38:37
i just want to say that you don't sound like a failure to me. you should be proud of being an RN-- and you can get a job anywhere, even if you're laid off. you're in hot demand these days! my mom's been a CNA for over 25 years and still hasn't even tried to get her RN even though she deserves it. I think you should be proud of yourself, because it doesn't sound like you're a failure to me.
i'm sorry things are so hard right now. but please don't think you're a failure.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 16:06:16
In reply to DBT thoughts of suicide***why?, posted by terrics on July 13, 2004, at 21:38:37
You left a chaotic but caring therapeutic relationship for this DBT therapeutic relationship that, at least right now from what you've told us since you started, appears to be less than perfect. You're probably experiencing a lot of feelings about DBT. I think I would be feeling very very angry. And when I get angry, I feel automatic self destructive thoughts. But when I talk about how angry I feel, I feel less self destructive.
I don't know if that's at all useful to you, because you might be feeling completely different things in your situation.
Do you have any flexibility at all in *which* DBT therapist you use? I know they require that you use a therapist from their program, but I imagine that different DBT therapists are different in their approach to therapy, even if they all use the same manual, because of character differences.
Don't let this situation cause you to harm yourself. There have to be other options.
Posted by terrics on July 14, 2004, at 21:39:56
In reply to Re: DBT thoughts of suicide***why? » terrics, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2004, at 16:06:16
As usual, thank you all. I am ok. One of my friends helped me last night. If I feel this way next time, I am going to think about switching therapists or going back to the safety of my old T. Life is only so long and I do not want to spend the rest of mine miserably. This program is very difficult and if I do not see ANY results in a month or two...back to old loving T. I go.
I have to apologize for not being very supportive lately. Hope you are all doing o.k. terrics
Posted by B2chica on July 15, 2004, at 12:36:54
In reply to Re: DBT thoughts of suicide***why?, posted by terrics on July 14, 2004, at 21:39:56
((((((((((((((((((((Terrics))))))))))))))))))))
Terrics, terrics, terrics!
i care about you sweetheart!
You have been SO incredibly understanding and helpful to me. You understood, you cared. i will NEVER forget you for that.and I am here for you.
even though you post that your better (and i am VERY thankful for that) PLEASE NEVER forget that i'm just a "submit your post" away. i will hold your hand.
please know that every post you make is important, useful and we are grateful to have such a supportive wonderful person like you here in this community. it is people like you that make it such a welcoming and safe place.
-and THANK that friend of yours for me!
and DEFINATELY think about switching T's. please keep your best interest at heart. Life is to short as it is, then to be badgered about problems (even if they are meant to be in the best interest). sometimes a method like this may work wonders with a person and othertimes not, sometimes it's just timing. we need to use what we need When we need it.-AND DON"T YOU DARE apologize for not being supportive. BELIEVE me if you do than man o man do i need to do some MAJOR apologizing for my last three weeks. it's been h@ll and haven't been even a hint of help. i feel i've been sucking this site dry for help. but we give when we can and ask for it when we need it.
Please take special care of yourself (((terrics))).
B2c.>>As usual, thank you all. I am ok. One of my friends helped me last night.
Posted by terrics on July 18, 2004, at 15:50:23
In reply to Re: ((((((((((((TERRICS!!!)))))))))))) » terrics, posted by B2chica on July 15, 2004, at 12:36:54
This is the end of the thread.
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