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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
My therapist couldn't figure out why I was making a big deal of something, making mountains out of molehills. And finally I found the words to tell him that some things were *always* big things, but that I just didn't talk about them unless I had some reminder of them, because you can't keep talking about the same things over and over.
And he was surprised!! He hadn't realized that there were big things just sitting there. He thought that once we had talked about them, they went away! Isn't that funny?
He said we should talk about them more often, when I wasn't actually upset. So I was thinking of putting them on slips of paper in a cup, and shaking them up before a session adn pulling one out. :)
Ambivalent feelings about self
Ambivalent feelings about him
Sex
MotherI'll have to think for some others.
Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 21:29:41
In reply to less than wonderful session, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
You know, that sounds like a really wonderful idea. It sounds as if it could be very, very productive, and it might help him be an even better therapist for you to know more about what really is going on inside you.
What a clever mind you have, Dinah. That idea really blows me away, and I may just be borrowing it from you one day.
As for the 'problem' part of it, that he hadn't realized that things didn't just "go away" after talking about them, I can't say much. Some things, maybe, do, but I think a lot of them just don't. I *do* think that they get better, though.
Maybe it's something like this: I broke one of my toes a number of years ago. It was much more painful than it sounds, and being uninsured I treated it myself. (Although I did have advice from a nurse I knew socially, so I know I did pretty much everything a doctor would have done, except provide painkillers.) Anyway, the toe healed, as broken bones do -- but sometimes it still hurts. Usually, it's clearly related to *something* -- changes in the weather are pretty sure to make it ache, for instance -- but the point is that it still hurts sometimes, even though it healed.
Does any of that make sense?
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 21:48:09
In reply to Re: less than wonderful session, posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 21:29:41
It certainly does make sense. And I think it might be true long term.
But what was really funny is that what he was saying was something along the lines of "I thought we had discussed that a couple of weeks ago and I told you that your way of thinking about things wasn't productive and we settled the whole thing and you weren't going to think that way anymore. What do you mean that you still have those feelings despite our fifteen minute long discussion on it just hte other day?"
It just seemed a bit grandiose to me, and therefore funny. Tho I admit I didn't laugh till a few hours afterward.
Posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 22:29:01
In reply to less than wonderful session, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
Posted by daisym on June 22, 2004, at 23:27:55
In reply to Re: less than wonderful session » Racer, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 21:48:09
Funny Dinah because it has been my opposite experience. I'M the one who talks about something and then moves on. HE brings things back up and wants to check in or go over them again. When I say things like "we've been over this" he gives me the "therapy is a spiral" speech about we have to keep going around and around stuff, looking at it in different ways.
He also commented very recently that I still don't tell him "a lot" of stuff. I generalize so much of it. Like "bad day, work stress" I always think he is going to get bored of it or it will just be me complaining. So now he directly asks me to "share my schedule" so he can keep up with my life and know where the stressful spots might be.
I don't dare give him a cup of ideas! (OOH, unless I give him a cup of EASY topics...hmmmm)
I'm sorry you didn't have a great session. But as usual you find something useful in it and learn from it. I continue to be impressed with your therapy resilience.
Posted by shadows721 on June 23, 2004, at 2:04:53
In reply to less than wonderful session, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
I am not an expert by any means, but I kept hearing about that onion theory for years. So, each issue would be that of the onion. It has to be talked about over and over again until you get to the core of the unresolved problem. I know that seems true in my case. In t, I think, "Gosh, how long am I going to have this issue with so in so?" Gees!
When I get to the core, it something so basic. It could be things like I felt worthless or unloved. As basic as that sounds, that issue really does cut to the core of my being. Just the other day, I heard in my head, "You are going to amount to nothing." I can't remember who told me that, but that message to a child goes right to the core and stays there until it is dug out.
Posted by Aphrodite on June 23, 2004, at 6:51:35
In reply to less than wonderful session, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
So he takes the "checklist" mentality approach to therapy? You have a list, and he's scratching subjects off. I'm glad you're making him a new "list" with the loaded issues on it.
My therapist is like Daisy's about bringing stuff up again and again. I find myself saying, "Like I said before . . ." "In fear of repeating myself, . . ." "We've been over this before, but if you insist . . ." He always says that he wants to know how I processed it later because I tend to overanalyze and pour over things between sessions, and he's right that I often have a different take on the subjects. I guess I will try to appreciate this trait of his more.
You'll have to let us know how it goes and how he responds to your (delayed) humorous reaction. I have a funny feeling he'll make it all better again. What a guy. Overall, I think you have quite a gem of a therapist.
Posted by mair on June 23, 2004, at 11:58:28
In reply to less than wonderful session, posted by Dinah on June 22, 2004, at 20:43:53
I've had the "didn't we already talk about this before" conversation with my therapist not necessarily because she brought something up, but more because I brought an old issue up and then I worry about being repetitive. It makes me feel boring or somewhat stupid (since why didn't I get it the first time around) and I can't imagine how she can sit there and listen to the same drivel without being bored also. She's basically given me a response along the lines of daisy's T and some others - that it's good to keep revisiting things, and that some of the same issues are bound to keep coming up again, possibly in different contexts or triggered by different events.
Interestingly, when my therapist gets me talking about stuff we've discussed before, my reaction is sometimes that she wasn't listening the first time. Now I see that there may be more of a method to her madness.
Really though, Dinah, your list contains some pretty loaded stuff - surely he doesn't think things get resolved THAT easily, and wouldn't it be wonderful if they did!
Mair
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:17:06
In reply to Re: less than wonderful session » Dinah, posted by mair on June 23, 2004, at 11:58:28
Full of index cards. Some with just one word, some pretty detailed. I put a sticky note on the front explaining and telling him that when I had mastered an issue we'd toss the card, until then he should consider it an open item. I'll see if he really does want to play "pull the distorted thought" like a job jar. :))
Y'all are all right about core issues and loaded topics taking a lot of work to conquer, if indeed they can be conquered at all. Sigh. Sometimes he really does seem like a Stuart Smalley psychobabble idiot therapist - like when he doesn't grasp what seems so visible to all of us.
But he's my idiot therapist so I guess I'll stick with him.
I congratulate you all on having way more sensible therapists than my own. :)
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:17:56
In reply to Re: less than wonderful session » Dinah, posted by mair on June 23, 2004, at 11:58:28
I've missed you. (I hope you aren't one of the many I owe an email to.)
Posted by mair on June 23, 2004, at 22:21:59
In reply to Mair, nice to see you again., posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:17:56
> "I've missed you."
Thank you
"(I hope you aren't one of the many I owe an email to.)"I'm sure the reverse is true.
It's always so reassuring to drop back in and find that you're still here. It's like you're one of my dwindling number of links.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2004, at 8:30:18
In reply to Re: Mair, nice to see you again. » Dinah, posted by mair on June 23, 2004, at 22:21:59
Yeah, I'll probably be here as long as Dr. Bob lets me. :)
But I have missed you. What's been going on with you? (Which I suppose is best answered at social).
This is the end of the thread.
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