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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LG04 on June 23, 2004, at 10:18:43
Has anyone here ever been really dependent on their therapist and worked thru it? I desperately need to feel that there will some day be an end to my feelings of dependency. (It's been about 15 months that I've felt this way, much more strongly in the past 7 months, I believe partly or largely due to the fact that I have been living in a situation where I knew I was supposed to leave the country I am living in and therefore ending therapy prematurely. It's hard to develop a secure attachment when that is always hanging over your head). I told her last week that deep inside, I feel like I will die if I leave her.
I am so tired of feeling dependent on her (maybe I also am in this desperate state right now because I am leaving for 2 months and am terrified of it -- like others here, I get VERY angry and want to end the relationship when she -- or I -- goes on vacation; it feels the same to me either way) and sometimes think it would be so much easier (HA!) to just terminate therapy than to deal with these feelings of dependency.
But then I think, well these feelings are inside of me, and I will feel them with someone else if I don't feel them with her. This has happened my whole life, with me having at least one intensely painful, dependent relationship outside of therapy. Since becoming dependent upon her, I don't have a painful relationship outside of therapy. It all happens with her instead.) Now at least I have the opportunity to work them thru.
We haven't worked much on the dependency issue because we knew that I'd be leaving for the summer and there wasn't time and plus it would cause me tremendous anxiety to try to deal with it before leaving.
She promised she wouldn't ever "cut me off" and start changing rules (for example, how we do phone calls) without my input and my comfort with it, that it would be at a pace that would feel okay with me.
Another issue: sometimes I blame her for my dependency. I start to think that it's her fault that I am dependent, that maybe she does things to make me dependent, and it gives me huge feelings of mistrust towards her. (I've asked her if she needs me to need her, and she said definitely not. I had a mom who desperately needed me from the day I was born so I have huge trust issues with thinking someone is manipulating me to be dependent upon them).
So again, the biggest issue is...do we get over being dependent upon our therapists? How long does it take? Also, does this dependency cause you to go nuts when you are going on vacation or your therapist? (I see her twice a week for 1 1/2 hours a week. I talk to her usually several nights a week on the phone. She said I can call her whenever I need to from America but that we aren't going to go into a deep kind of therapy from there, that it wouldn't be responsible or professional on her part to do that with me, to open things up when she is not meeting with me regularly. I think that makes sense. But she is there to be supportive and to talk things through/problem solve with me if I need to in dealing with my family and whatever else comes up.)
Thanks in advance for any input. This whole thing is causing me some intense pain. And I have talked to her about it but it isn't abating. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
LG
Posted by pinkeye on June 23, 2004, at 12:45:34
In reply to dependency on therapist, posted by LG04 on June 23, 2004, at 10:18:43
Hi LG,
I was in the same situation as you. I was in my home country taking therapy and then I had to come to the US. I missed him a lot initially. (though I had only a few sessions with him).But he allowed me to write to him as much as I want. That helped me a lot. I could write any issue to him. He wouldn't always reply, but he replied whenever there was an emergency.
I went back again to my country 6 months back and met him a few times again. It has been two years since I have known him, but face to face, I have hardly seen him for about just 10 sessions.
Him allowing me to write to him helped me a lot. I am pretty much completely recovered and able to go on my own mostly, except a few times when I still need him. But I still think a lot about him, everyday. I also have transference towards him. It hasn't gone but it has become acceptable for me.
I think you should ask her to allow you to write emails or call her as much as you want. Initially atleast you would need it.Pinkeye
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:39:25
In reply to dependency on therapist, posted by LG04 on June 23, 2004, at 10:18:43
I've never ever been dependent before this - or not since elementary school anyway when I was a positive leech with my best friend. Since then I've never allowed myself to need any one person. But I'm making up for lost time. :(
I don't like it one bit, either.
And while it's gotten less intense over time, it really really has now that it's been about four years since I admitted to it, it is still worrisome to me.
Sigh.
It's in my envelope of major issues.
Posted by LG04 on June 25, 2004, at 17:43:40
In reply to Re: dependency on therapist » LG04, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2004, at 19:39:25
Thanks Pinkeye and Dinah...
This is the end of the thread.
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