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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 8:13:31
Okay, well, did everyone enjoy my happy day yesterday? I did. But we all know days like that don't last, do they? Sorry, I am in a very cynical mood at the moment.
Basically I'm totally frustrated because I have tried to reach my T, at his outpatient office, and there is only an answering machine and its been 40 minutes with no answer. I think that means he has left for the day and I feel like I'm going to....something. I know I won't die and I'm going to manage but I hate myself for letting myself make him such a big and important person in my life. Someone that I depend on even though I know he just can't always be there when I want him to be. It is just damn hard.
I am not a telephone chatter anyway, but some few times I have wanted to contact him but can't-he is very hard to get a hold of and in this country the system works a bit differently (no secretaries) so I have to somehow catch him in between appointments and that's impossible. On Fridays he does his private practice and that is where I called, but no answer, and I just left a message which he hasn't replied to. I don't see him until next WEDNESDAY.
Oh, it is so hard, so hard, so hard, so hard...I'm going to go crawl in bed and try to hug my kitty until this pain goes away.....
Posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 9:05:06
In reply to Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 8:13:31
Here I go answering my own posts again....
I never give anyone or anything a chance! Right after I wrote this he called me back and talked to me for an hour. I'm feeling a lot better now. Just wanted to give the update.
Posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:36:26
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 9:05:06
Wow, that's really great. I have to admit, my first reaction was envy. My T has never talked to me for an hour on the phone. :(I feel so deprived. But I'm happy you're feeling better and you have such a great T.
Posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 9:51:25
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all! » tinydancer, posted by crushedout on May 14, 2004, at 9:36:26
He is great. When I tried to thank him he wouldn't hear of it, he's just all modest and humble, "oh well, I had the time now, so..."
Of course keep in mind I do live in another country and the system is a little different here. I can't imagine ever talking to my T this long back in the US. But it means so much that he cares and it was so comforting to hear his voice.
I am just so glad that he could be there for me this time, although I was clear with him that I knew he couldn't always do that. I was really apologetic about "bothering" him but he was really gentle and let me know that it was OK.
Posted by DaisyM on May 14, 2004, at 13:07:26
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all! » crushedout, posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 9:51:25
Tiny,
I'm glad you reached him. I *do* know that frustration at being unable to sustain the "good" mood. And knowing that it is just their voice that soothes that tantruming inner child.
I struggle against what my head says and what my heart wants all the time. My Therapist says what yours did, "I had the time..." He is clear when he doesn't but in such a way that I don't feel rejected or that someone else is more important than I am. I always think how hard it must be for him to have to juggle to make everyone feel like they are his priority. And I do pay for calls longer than 15 minutes, so that helps ease the "I'm a burden" somewhat.
I must say it is nice to know everyone seems to struggle at some point with this type of need. *sigh* I wish none of us had to though...
Posted by gardenergirl on May 14, 2004, at 14:03:13
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by DaisyM on May 14, 2004, at 13:07:26
Tiny,
I can really relate to the ups and downs. On Monday I was feeling okay, but kind of stuck in therapy, not knowing what was going to come next or how to do the work that was needed. By Tuesday, I had a clue. I was strongly triggered by something and needed to talk to my T again this week. He was great in that he called me back as soon as he was out of a session. I think I surprised him and perhaps worried him a bit, because it was such a change from Monday, when I felt just blah, but not really good or bad. This was definite pain.I felt so needy for calling him and requesting another session, but he made time for me the next morning. And it was a very good, although very intense session. So back to work we go. Therapy is such a winding, curving, hilly path. Almost as if the path forms before you with each session. It's kind of scary not knowing where it goes, or whether you are headed downhill or uphill. I'm glad I'm not alone on the journey.
Take care. I'm glad you finally got to talk to your T.
((((tinydancer))))
gg
Posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 13:04:54
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by DaisyM on May 14, 2004, at 13:07:26
Hi Daisy,
You said: And I do pay for calls longer than 15 minutes, so that helps ease the "I'm a burden" somewhat.
Which made me stop and think for a moment. My old T never asked for payment for phone calls, and when I shopped around for new ones they all did charge at their regular rate for calls over 15 minutes. I hated this, and it made me think that I'd never call. But I never thought of it as being something that might be helpful for *me*! I always felt very guilty about bothering my old T when I'd call. So, thanks for the new way of looking at that.
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 13:08:40
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by tinydancer on May 14, 2004, at 9:05:06
Tiny,
Your T sounds really good. I'm kind of jealous of the relationship you seem to have with him. And I'm so glad that he called you back and talked to you for a long time.
Therapy is such an up and down thing. And I totally know what you mean about hating being dependent etc. I think that's a lot of why I quit therapy recently. Which is a chicken reason, and not the only one. But it's *hard* becoming that original T moved away!) But I do believe that having a strong relationship with your T is good, even if it leads to new types of pain. Because, as we all know, it also is what enables you to heal.
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 15:34:49
In reply to Re: Hate myself, hate therapy, hate it all!, posted by pegasus on May 16, 2004, at 13:08:40
OK, what I was trying to say in that nonsensical sentence was:
But it's *hard* becoming that vulnerable and dependent (especially when my original T moved away!)
This is the end of the thread.
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