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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
Hi. You may recall a while ago I was really upset about my otherwise great pdoc’s disorganization in not returning a non-crisis phone call. It took 5 phone calls to finally get him to all me back.
Anyway, I was going to bring it up first thing at our session last week, but then I chickened out, and he started asking me about what had been happening in my life since we last met, how I felt, meds, etc. The whole time, this little part of me was upset with myself about not telling him how I felt about the phone call thing, so part of my brain was busy with that. I felt kind of sad that he didn’t read my mind and apologize, LOL.
Then I noticed that he kept asking me different questions and seemed worried about something. He kept asking are you sure everything is ok, do you think the meds aren’t helping enough, I just want to make sure you are not minimizing things, etc. I was thinking, what the heck is he getting at? He looked very serious. Finally, he said, you don’t quite seem like yourself.
Then I realized, DUH, I am subconsciously holding back because I am still miffed about the phone call, and he is misreading that as something being off with ME, when really I feel mad at HIM.
So then finally I decided to be up front, and I said “OH, I think I know what is happening. I think I am acting different because I felt a little bit hurt and unimportant that you took so long to call me back and I do not understand what I am supposed to do in those occasions, etc.
He looked very contrite, and sighed, and said, it’s not your fault at all, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, this is a problem I have in general with phone calls. It’s totally my fault. Etc. He explained how things like that happen when he gets busy but also said that is no excuse, he just wanted me to know how it happens. He apologized and said to keep on him if it is a problem again and he is going to try to be more organized.
It was very nice, and so unexpected to hear a man say “this is totally my fault,” how often did I ever hear that from my father or boyfriends? (Not that he is my father or boyfriend, but you know what I mean.)
Well, that is the update, for those who followed my previous posts. So I am ok with him now and focusing on all the good things, not this little thing. I am hoping that experiences like this will help me be more assertive with other men in my life, at work and if/when I ever have a boyfriend again.
Posted by Penny on May 3, 2004, at 10:45:09
In reply to phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
That sounds so much like a conversation I had with my pdoc, about how when I left his office one time I felt he was mad at me, and I emailed him and he didn't reply, which 'confirmed' he was angry (in my mind, not in reality!)...anyway, I, too, brought it up with him, and he was wonderful as well. He did the same thing, the "What's wrong? Is there something else going on?" stuff - trying to get me to talk to him without pushing me too much. When I finally told him what was bothering me, we discussed it at length, and that whole 'transference' thing came up - I was certainly projecting on to him feelings I have about my own father. But his reaction to my bringing it up was completely unlike how my dad would have taken it. My doc was totally understanding and glad I mentioned it and apologetic and so forth. Isn't it wonderful?
Glad things went well.
P
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:26:48
In reply to Re: phone problem update » joslynn, posted by Penny on May 3, 2004, at 10:45:09
Joslynn
I'm glad you finally brought it up. It sounds like it really cleared the air, which can only help. Good for you.gg
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 12:05:15
In reply to phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
I'm glad being honest worked for you. Do you feel better ok now about having that as part of your relationship with him? Is it a character trait you can tolerate? We all have to tolerate something in *every* relationship, I guess.
Congratulations for being assertive. :)
Posted by Poet on May 3, 2004, at 14:59:16
In reply to phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
Hi Joslynn,
I'm so glad that you got an open and honest answer to your question. I'm proud you were brave to bring up what was really bothering you.
Take care.
Poet
Posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 15:41:09
In reply to Re: phone problem update » joslynn, posted by Poet on May 3, 2004, at 14:59:16
Thanks all.
I've decided I can live with this one bad thing about him, if it is only a once-in-the-while thing. I have a therapist for more regular visits, a woman. I also do therapy and med checks with pdoc once a month, and I did see him like every day for a couple weeks when I was feeling suicidal (before I had a regular therapist too) and he helped to pull me through, so I feel attached to him for that reason among others.
If he was my only mental health resource, I would probably have to say, change or I am out of here! But I have my regular therapist too, a woman. Pdoc says it is ok to keep calling and nagging, he won't mind, but I feel weird doing that, I'm not his mom or his wife!
The good thing about him is, he doesn't get all defensive, he really listens and responds in a fair way.
Posted by Aphrodite on May 3, 2004, at 15:47:55
In reply to Re: phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 15:41:09
My guess is that he'll not likely make that mistake with you again. As soon as he hears a message from you, I'll bet he remembers your conversation.
Sounds like a tolerable trait now that you know it's nothing personal.
Posted by noa on May 3, 2004, at 19:22:55
In reply to phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
Wow, he owned up! Cool!! Good for you for the courage to say something--it was clearly hard to do.
As our Australian friends say, Goodonya!
Posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2004, at 21:01:28
In reply to phone problem update, posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
J-It was very nice, and so unexpected to hear a man say “this is totally my fault,” how often did I ever hear that from my father or boyfriends? (Not that he is my father or boyfriend, but you know what I mean.)
I have a dear friend who is a rather well known singer and she once said to me,"one of the sexiest things a man can ever say is I f*****up". After thinking about it for about 3 seconds, I agreed!
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 4, 2004, at 23:39:56
In reply to Re: phone problem update, posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2004, at 11:26:48
Cool...I figured or hoped this would work out..I am so glad :)
This is the end of the thread.
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