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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
I've been reading with much enjoyment the homework assignments your T's give. I've even done some along with you! My T does not give homework, and I finally got the nerve to ask him. I'm such a "do-er," and even if it's busywork, I'll take it. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something. He said he stopped giving homework because so many patients never did it.
My question is this: do your T's regularly give you homework? Does it seemed planned, like during the last 5 minutes you get your assignment? Does the T follow up on it?
My T occasionally obliges, but it seems like an afterthought, and he never asks about it during the next session. Should I keep pushing? Do you think it helps move you along more quickly?
Thanks for any insight you can give.
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2004, at 13:05:44
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
Mine doesn't generally. I think he's decided the tack to take with me is to not push anything at all. Then when I get frustrated and bored enough I insist on something. He did assign a lot of homework in the beginning. I rarely did it. :)
Posted by pegasus on April 26, 2004, at 13:41:23
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
Yeah, my old T would occasionally give me homework. And I would diligently do it. And then it was always as if he had completely forgotten about it the next time. We rarely talked about any of the homework he ever gave me. I found it rather humiliating that I would so conscientiously do this work, and then it turned out to be only for my own private use when I thought we'd talk about it. It was as if he didn't really care. So eventually I stopped doing it. Kinda the opposite of Dinah's T's experience.
pegasus
Posted by Medusa on April 26, 2004, at 15:55:28
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
This is a touchy topic with me, because in the approach my therapy team uses, they're SUPPOSED to give strategic homework. Some of the assignments are impossible - and meant to help one accept the futility of old thought patterns. When they do this, it works well.
Unfortunately, they slack sometimes, and make up the homework on the fly. They also don't necessarily go over my homework very carefully. (I have to e-mail it in.) This last time, I'd submitted VERY important information, and the face-to-face therapist minimized its importance. She tried to focus on another part of the homework, which, frankly, I'm not about to discuss with her because I don't respect her at that level. Sometimes I have to ask for the assignments, and frankly, I feel like they're not on top of this.
> My T occasionally obliges, but it seems like an afterthought, and he never asks about it during the next session. Should I keep pushing? Do you think it helps move you along more quickly?
>Omigosh, the right homework accomplishes as much as the session itself. If you'd like, I can try to poke around and find a book (more likely a chapter) on the utility of homework in therapy. Heck, I think I have an appendix of homework suggestions somewhere. (I'm sure my therapy team would love it if they knew I've read textbooks from their approach that aren't on their suggested-reading-for-clients list.)
Posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 17:20:32
In reply to Re: Therapy homework, posted by pegasus on April 26, 2004, at 13:41:23
Hi Pegasus,
I know what you mean by feeling uncared for when you were not asked about all of your hard work. Once he asked me to write a response to an EMDR session. It was 2 pages typed, single-spaced. During the next session, it remained in my bag; he didn't even mention it. I was very hurt. Later I realized that I had done that assignment more to please him than to learn anything about myself. So, now I do the rare homework that I get more honestly, knowing he'll never ask about it.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 17:26:38
In reply to ha, posted by Medusa on April 26, 2004, at 15:55:28
Medusa,
I'd be very interested in your material about homework. Is there a name for their approach? Good for you for being so well-informed. It seems to me thoughtful homework assignments would go a long way in helping to get from A to B more quickly. And I am desperate to be well in a hurry -- there's a whole big world out there!
I feel strange asking for the homework. It makes me feel I'm pushy. And then when the assignment is half-hearted, I'm tempted to say, "Don't knock yourself out."
But I'm concerned about the T you don't respect. I'm glad you keep important things protected until you do or until you find someone you do respect. What makes you leery of this person? Trust your instincts.
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2004, at 17:27:33
In reply to Re: Therapy homework, posted by pegasus on April 26, 2004, at 13:41:23
They'll rarely *ask* about the homework. Because they don't know if you did it or not. Or at least that's true of mine.
If I did assigned or unassigned homework, or gave thought to something that was said in the prior session, I generally just come out and say so. I couldn't possibly wait for him. It's kind of like a meeting order. The first thing on the agenda is uncompleted business from the prior session. But it's up to me.
Today, I bounced into the office with a big beam, plunked down on the chair, and told him he was going to be delighted with how well I did my homework. And if he hadn't been suitably delighted, I'd have persisted until he was.
Fortunately he's not an idiot. :)
Posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 18:09:20
In reply to But wait!, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2004, at 17:27:33
Dinah, I never thought about it that way. Perhaps I need to make it my responsibility. But I have difficulty being assertive, at least in therapy anyway, and need to be drawn out some. Thanks for giving me this point of view to consider.
Posted by noa on April 26, 2004, at 18:59:51
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
Mine doesn't give homework.
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2004, at 19:35:10
In reply to Ah, a very good point! » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 18:09:20
I don't really think of it as being assertive. It's my therapy and my therapist follows my lead in subject matter. I don't think there has ever been a single session since the first few (where he had the standard agenda for new clients) where my therapist has decided what we're going to talk about. Sometimes I throw up my hands and say I have nothing to talk about so he'll ask about something in my life. Nothing ever really deep seems to come from that.
Does your therapist set the agenda for the session? When you come in, do you do the talking? Or does he ask questions?
One nice thing about twice a week sessions is that for me (probably not for him) it seems like a continuation of the prior session and the first thing out of my mouth is "I was thinking about... from last session, and...."
Posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2004, at 23:55:49
In reply to Re: Ah, a very good point! » Aphrodite, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2004, at 19:35:10
My T does not give homework, either. He is quite psychoanalytical. I never ask for it, either, but I often think about stuff between sessions. I usually intend to bring up my thoughts in the next session, but then something else always seems to come up. But as my T would say, "if it comes up, it must be important." "And if it is supposed to come up, it will again."
I would be interested, too, in the book about homework. As a T in training, I rarely give homework, either. And I admit, I often neglect to follow up on it. I'm so used to thinking of each session as a stand alone session AND as part of a continuing theme. I forget about assigning the homework, sometimes, unless I have re-read my notes before I see the client. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this. I think I will have to be more diligent in following up if the client does not bring it up, first.
gg
Posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 1:22:40
In reply to Re: Ah, a very good point!, posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2004, at 23:55:49
but my passion is writing and I'm so much better writing some of this stuff down. We use a work book or he gives a question to think about. Sometimes I read him what I wrote, the hardest assignment so far I couldn't read, I just gave it to him. He will ask if I've "thought" about the question, but he only asks to see the writings if I bring them up.
I think this helps me because I have so much going on that I could easily avoid going into those dark places if he didn't leave a trail of bread crumbs to get back there. Homework is often the bread crumbs.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 27, 2004, at 14:23:47
In reply to I get lots of homework, posted by DaisyM on April 27, 2004, at 1:22:40
Once again, Daisy, I can so relate to you. Writing is my passion as well. I would love to write something for him after each session. I have told him, as a hint, that I enjoy writing; I think he would be wise to capitalize on that hobby and my willingness to work. Sigh. I guess I'm going to have to speak up.
Posted by shadows721 on April 27, 2004, at 19:08:29
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
Do you journal? There are some great journals out there for helping self discovery. I am talking about the ones that have questions in them. I had a therapist that wanted me to journal my feelings right after t and during my worst moments.
Personally, I journal everything - dreams, thoughts, to-do lists, feelings, etc. I bring my dreams and feelings into to t. I guess you can say I make my own homework up. My new therapist is very gentle. She will give me a book, VHS tape, or a suggestion. It's up to me what do with it.
I use to have therapists that gave a lot of homework. I found that I tended to rebel about it. If I was avoiding something, it just wouldn't happen.
You can draw pictures, make things or just bring in your journal as a form of homework. Getting creative is really good for self discovery. I know that I have had powerful dreams after painting a pictures for therapy.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 27, 2004, at 20:31:05
In reply to Re: Therapy homework, posted by shadows721 on April 27, 2004, at 19:08:29
Great thoughts. I do journal and find that I write things that are so unexpected.
Do you have any recommendations of the journals you mentioned with prompts?
Thanks again.
Posted by shadows721 on April 27, 2004, at 20:52:45
In reply to Re: Therapy homework » shadows721, posted by Aphrodite on April 27, 2004, at 20:31:05
I strongly recommend The Way of the
Journal. You can order it through Sidran.http://www.sidran.org/catalog/adwj.html
Posted by Waterlily on April 29, 2004, at 15:32:06
In reply to Therapy homework, posted by Aphrodite on April 26, 2004, at 12:52:25
I thought mine was the only one who didn't follow up on stuff like that. Seems to be the norm around here.
I actually had my last therapy appointment today (I graduated!!!yeah!!!). She asked me if there was anything that I didn't like or thought could be done differently. I told her that I didn't like it when at the end of the sessions she would say "We'll talk about (insert subject) next time." Then the next time she wouldn't say anything about it. Of course, therapist that she is, she asked me "How did that make you feel?". I told her I realized that we were in a professional relationship and that she has a lot of patients so I had no great ideas that I ought to mean a whole lot to her, but that when she didn't bring up what we were supposed to talk about it made me feel like she didn't care. She said that it was a good thing that I told her this, that I would sometimes get into really heavy subjects at the end of sessions and she didn't want to make it seem like she didn't want to discuss what I was talking about. She would then forget what it was we were supposed to discuss since my appointments were only every two weeks. She said that although it is a professional relationship, it is a unique one, a very personal one, and that it's important to feel like your therapist cares about you. Now I wish I'd said something about it a long time ago. Would have cleared things up and made me feel more secure.
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