![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
My T is on vacation this week, and then I'm out for two weeks after that. Yesterday she left me a message saying that she'd be out the week after that. And I just realized that the week after *that*, I'll need to be at work all day for a special project. And the week after *that* I have a conference to go to. So, now we'll be scheduling in June.
Instead of that, I decided to just scrap it. I just left her a message explaining the situation and said I'd call again when it seemed feasible to schedule an appointment. And my plan is to not call back. I know it's not very direct, but it's as close as I could get. And it leaves me options if I rethink this later.
I feel like I don't really get her style (peronality, not therapy), and that she doesn't get me. Half the time, I leave feeling that she's annoyed at me, or vice versa. She has helped me at a bad time (getting over my old T's moving away), but I think this isn't really a good fit. But the biggest thing is that I find that I don't look forward to therapy anymore like I always used to with him. I mean, I dreaded it, but I so looked forward to seeing my T. And I just don't with her. It feels like so much more of a struggle. It's been about 4 months with her now.
Maybe I'll just take a break (I kinda have to anyway), and consider options. Maybe I don't really need to be in therapy anymore. Or maybe I need to look for another T. Anyway, a break sounds good to me right now.
Any thoughts? Am I sounding unreasonable?
pegasus
Posted by shadows721 on April 22, 2004, at 19:14:34
In reply to I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
Your getting space from therapy sounds totally resonable to me. Especially if you don't feel like there is any real movement in it. I think a pause to rethink your therapy is a very healthy step for you to reaccess your therapy. You are calling the shots here and it sounds like a good decision for you. As you said, you still have many choices: resume the therapy at another date, stop it, or find another therapist. You sound like you are in a good place with yourself. It sounds like you have made a lot of positive changes for yourself and feel very strong right now. That's great.:)
Posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 19:17:23
In reply to I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
4 months is long enough to decide if you "fit" with a therapist. It sounds like you don't feel like there is a really good fit. You don't sound upset about not seeing her. You also don't sound over-happy (i.e. running away).
I don't know if you are ready to end therapy. That is an important question to consider.
The only thing that concerns me in your post is that you aren't planning to have a final session with her. I would think that some closure would be a good idea. But given the schedules, I'm not sure when that would be. I would want to say thank you, and even talk about the different relationships you had with your two therapists. Maybe there is something to learn (maybe you are just ready to be less dependent, maybe not). I would want to have a therapist give me a sense of where she thinks I am, and what I should still work on (whether you are end up doing more therapy or not).
I think that saying goodbye to a therapist can be a hard, but valuable thing. I'm not sure that you would want your therapy to just dissipate.
Posted by crushedout on April 22, 2004, at 23:21:49
In reply to I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
pegasus,I think you sound very reasonable. I used to have Ts where it just sort of fizzled out (hard for me to imagine now) and when it's time to move on, it's time to move on. I think leaving your options open and seeing how it feels makes a lot of sense, too.
Posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 23:27:56
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by shadows721 on April 22, 2004, at 19:14:34
Thanks. Yeah, I'm feeling in a pretty good place these days. But there are some things I was still hoping to work on in therapy. I think I just don't want to work on them with her. In fact, the other day I found myself deciding not to bring up a couple of things with her (I mean, ever, in this therapy). Then I caught myself and thought, what the !?!? If I'm thinking that way, then this therapy is not going in the right direction. I appreciate your feedback.
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 23:31:19
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » pegasus, posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 19:17:23
Thanks fallsfall,
I appreciate your comments about having a final session. I guess I was feeling so not attached to this therapist that I thought I'd skip any actual termination, and save myself some explaining and time and money. But you're right that she might have some good feedback for me. Heck, she might have some referrals to other therapists for me. My old T thought she was the bees knees, but it just doesn't really seem to be working all that well for me.
I think I do still have some issues that I need to work on in therapy. But they're not urgent, and I feel like I gave this a good shot. I really feel like I could use a break. I appreciate your comments about 4 months being enough. I was a little worried that maybe I should stick it out a while longer. But then this big break came up and it seemed like a good time to let it go.
pegasus
Posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 23:32:53
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » pegasus, posted by crushedout on April 22, 2004, at 23:21:49
Thanks crushed,
I know, my situation and yours are so different at this point, aren't they! But maybe that's part of the deal for me. I'm just not ready to get all attached to another T. Or at least not this one. Maybe if I take a break, I'll be able to feel when it's the right time to find a new T and jump back into it.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2004, at 23:51:31
In reply to I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
You are sounding eminently reasonable. You don't seem to be making any rash decisions at all. This natural break would be a sensible time to assess the situation and see what might be best for you at this point in your life.
Congratulations on feeling better.
Posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 14:33:12
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » pegasus, posted by Dinah on April 22, 2004, at 23:51:31
Hi Dinah, and thanks so much for your validation. Your opinion means a lot to me. Yesterday I wasn't sure whether I was being irrationally impulsive, or just using my common sense. Today I'm more sure it's the right decision, and the reflections from you all have helped a lot.
Not surprisingly, today I'm feeling more depressed than I have in a long time. But I'm going to assume that will pass as I get used to the idea of being without a therapist for a while. I do live in a community with a quadrillion therapists, so it's not like I couldn't get another one if I really need to.
pegasus
Posted by gardenergirl on April 23, 2004, at 16:33:06
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » Dinah, posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 14:33:12
Posted by noa on April 23, 2004, at 23:14:10
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » Dinah, posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 14:33:12
Peg,
Good luck. :~)
Posted by terrics on April 24, 2004, at 16:38:52
In reply to I think I just quit therapy (long), posted by pegasus on April 22, 2004, at 17:45:26
You sound healthy and rational to me. As you said, you can start again later if you want to and you can find a new T. terrics
Posted by pegasus on April 24, 2004, at 23:42:54
In reply to Re: I think I just quit therapy (long) » Dinah, posted by pegasus on April 23, 2004, at 14:33:12
I appreciate you guys lettting me know what you think. I think I'm gonna be ok, but I'm feeling a little shaky. I didn't really *plan* to be without a T all of a sudden. But maybe it shows how much better I've been lately that the idea, once it presented itself, didn't completely do me in.
- p
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.