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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
Coral talked in a previous thread about wishing that her therapist would leave a trail of breadcrumbs to help her find her way through her emotions (http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/327370.html). I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds emotions mystifying.
I am bright and have a logical (mathematical) mind. But I feel like I'm in a foreign country when he starts talking about emotions. I have learned some stuff in the last 9 years, but I still feel like I just don't get it.
This is really frustrating when you are USED to "getting it". Usually in the past if I bumped in to an area that I didn't "get", I could manage through the particular course or situation, and then manage to avoid such things in the future. But I am severely depressed. I HAVE to "succeed" in therapy in order to function. I feel trapped in a world that seems incredibly foreign - and *un-learnable*. Everyone is talking in a language I don't understand about things that have no relevance (no reality) for me. Yet somehow I have to succeed here. Help!
Posted by tabitha on March 24, 2004, at 11:11:21
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
Hey falls. Have you ever read about personality types? That field will tell you that some people are just more in tune with their logic, and some more in tune with their feelings by nature. It also says that people tend to develop their less dominant characteristics later in life. So... as a logic-oriented person, it's perfectly normal for you to start exploring your emotional side as an adult. I don't know if my therapist would even agree with that, but I find it validating.
I have similar reactions to what you described.. I'm used to being an A-student, so I don't like feeling dumb and dense in the feeling arena. I get mad at therapy, and how it's all about feelings, and I'm at a disadvantage in that area. Yet I know it's valuable, and any progress I can make will make me a more well-rounded person. (Ugh, don't I sound like a perfectly indoctrinated therapy client?) But the plus side is I've noticed progress, and I compare myself to other logical types I've known for years, and I can see I've changed.
And incidentally, from your posts here, I think of you as empathetic and caring. You might not be as disconnected from feeling as you think.
Posted by DaisyM on March 24, 2004, at 12:13:36
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
I swear Falls, you guys ARE talking...
My Therapist often uses the phrase "foreign territory" when we start talking about emotional responses or how I "feel" about something vs. how I think about it. He says he is virtually teaching me a new vocabulary.
I say a lot that I don't know how to "think about this." I need to find its slot or compartment so it fits on the spread sheet of my life.
Plus, I find it so uncomfortable to not be able to follow a discussion about my emotions. It is typical for me to change the subject. He always encourages me to "stay with it...whatever you are feeling...sink into it." I can't! It is so overwhelming, I've described it as drowning. I think because I can't control emotions nor predict what might happen when something deep inside gets pricked.
Success, I think, is learning to be OK with the fact that we have emotional responses that are not in line with our intellect. I might not want to want something...but I do. So I have to learn to accept that sometimes my head has to follow my heart, not the other way around. Especially with the painful stuff. I want to say, "I don't understand why this hurts so bad when it is so old." but it does. Acceptance is a long time coming. Trusting myself to MANAGE those emotions might be the key.
This probably didn't help... but at least you know you are not alone in it.
Posted by coral on March 24, 2004, at 16:22:20
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
Not just wish....... I ASK my therapist to "Leave a trail of bread crumbs" and he does. In some ways, I feel like a passenger in this process,watching my therapist and the Emotion-me taking this journey. It's working for me. I'm "processing" things at a core level (sounds weird, I know, but it's like I'm a incubator). I find I need a lot of rest now. This incubating is hard stuff!
This is my second round of therapy. The first was during a severe clinical depression. Frankly, therapy was easier then because it was the only road (w/meds) to survival.
Thankfully, I have an absolutely fabulous therapist --- and complete trust in him. Doesn't mean he's infallible or doesn't make mistakes.
I just wish getting whole wasn't so tiring!
Coral
Posted by terrics on March 24, 2004, at 16:48:28
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
Obviously you are or were a very good student. I can tell this by you saying that 'I have to succeed'.
Emotions are very elusive when one is extremely depressed...maybe intense sadness or absolutely nothingness. [At least that is how depression effects me]. I can only speak from my experiences.
I wonder if you are approaching therapy the right way. It is a learning experience, but it is not school. Your answers ARE the right answers. Your answers may change as therapy proceeds, but they still are the right answers.
Perhaps therapy would be more rewarding if you could relax a little and give yourself a break. We do not have to 'be smart' all the time. Sometimes we need to give ourselves some slack. terrics
Posted by Poet on March 24, 2004, at 19:21:50
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
Hi Fallsfall,
Don't worry so much about getting it. I think emotions are something you understand and feel when you are ready to. Example for me: I understand negative emotions because those are the ones I feel. Taking the negative and turning them into positive, is something that is a big challenge for me.
You're like me, you want to be perfect at everything, and get angry at yourself when you're not.
Maybe we need to have a meeting of the Perfect Therapy Patients Club.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 22:48:47
In reply to Re: Foreign Emotions » fallsfall, posted by terrics on March 24, 2004, at 16:48:28
Terrics,
You certainly have my number. I MUST be "right". Being "wrong" is unacceptable (it makes me "bad", "evil"). We are talking in therapy about my view of right and wrong. I know that at some point I will need to moderate my view on this, but, to be honest with you, moving even one millimeter scares me to death. Even just turning my head on this scares me to death.
Clearly this is a core issue for me. And we talked about it last session. Perhaps this helps to explain why therapy is SO stressful for me these days.
I said something last session about having fewer expectations about what would happen during a session, about trusting him more, about letting him have some control. And I said something about when he was in control (and I wasn't) that I was neither right nor wrong. It made sense at the time, but I don't understand it now. I am SO confused! This shakes the very foundation of my being.
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 9:13:59
In reply to Re: Foreign Emotions » fallsfall, posted by Poet on March 24, 2004, at 19:21:50
It is helpful to know that I'm not the only one who feels completely out of place in emotion-land.
Thanks, tabitha, DaisyM, coral, terrics and Poet for making me feel like I'm one of the gang.
Posted by cubic_me on March 26, 2004, at 10:22:15
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
I'm also a logical thinker and find emotions and emotional talk very alien and uncomfortable. In therapy I find myself saying that I feel dumb or stupid because I can't answer the questions. I think its hard for people like us to realise that the right answer is just the truthful one and isn't set in stone. During one session I made a resolution to not answer 'I don't know' to any more questions because it made me feel so inferior and thick, and I didn't want her to think of me that way. But sometimes you really don't know, and that is the 'right' answer.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 26, 2004, at 15:09:24
In reply to Foreign Emotions, posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:21:04
I refuse to identify myself as "scared," "depressed," "anxious," and probably a few others that I can't remember right now. Actually, there are very few words I will use to describe my emotions, but I actually detest using the above words. I just can't (or won't) identify with certain emotions. I kind of know what you mean about feeling like you're in a foreign country, because there are some emotions that I know what they're supposed to mean, but they just seem so abstract and I can't really apply them to myself.
This is the end of the thread.
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