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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 19:44:01
My therapist and I have devised a suicide plan for me (i was abit shocked at the title at first but later released he meant anti-suicide ;)).
The first is to fill out a suicide thought record when I'm having serious worrying suicidal thoughts. I'm scared, really scared.
I feel I'm so unstable and that I can't possible contemplate a life beyond depression.
my therapist is very supportive and helpful in trying to overcome my suicidal urges, sometimes they're mediocre othertimes I get really determined and confident.
I was wondering..does anyone else here with depression feel as though they're always going to be depressed and miserable for the rest of their life?
I have been doing CBT with my therapist for awhile now and with this thought he made me write a list of evidence for and against this notion that I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life and never be happy. This is one of the things that is making me very suicidal.
These arent idle threats and theres a part of me that doesn't want to kill myself but the other part is saying its my only way of escaping the permanent misery that is severe depression.
So..I've done step 2 on my suicide plan :) Which is to come here and read posts or post about how I'm feeling. We talked about things that helps me talk myself out of it or feel better and this was one place. The next step is to talk to family/friend then after that if I'm still suicidal to go outside and relax because i told him thats one of my favourite things to do when im stressed out.
Thanks for your time, people. This place is helping me just by hearing your stories and hopes and fears related to your condition or therapy woes. Much love.
Wish me luck with this plan. I hope it works well.
~Michelle
Posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 20:02:24
In reply to suicide plan step 2, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 19:44:01
hI
well done on step 2 sounds funny as I have alot of recovering addict friend in Na and AA and they are like "step 2" hehe anyways ....
suicide ....im like the most suicidal person i know hehe ........well anyways i wondering if u would do me a favour.....
this is great for a suicidal person.....
if u wanted to that isread the book calle "veronika decides to die-paula coehlo" if i didnt spell authors name properly its the same author of the alchamist...... do me a favour and read it and tell me wat u think
email me if u wanna private@magicmail.co.za
Posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 20:14:07
In reply to Re: suicide plan step 2, posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 20:02:24
Thank you so much. I do feel abit like I'm in SA (sucidial annonymous :P) but if it'll do the trick then more power to it.
I will definately look up the book and read it then keep you posted on my thoughts :) thanks.
Have you seen the movie "Wilber Wants To Kill Himself". Well...the title says it all. But its a nice heartfelt movie and the main character Wilber attempts suicide but fails a few times in the movie so he eventually is put into a suicidal support group at a mental institute where a group of people who are suicidal or have made attempts get together and talk about it. The funny thing is..if you attempt suicide while you're in the group then you get kicked out. Hmm..sounds odd.
Its a quirky but touchy look at the reality that is suicide. You should watch it, i related well to it.Take care and thanks for telling me about the book.
> hI
> well done on step 2 sounds funny as I have alot of recovering addict friend in Na and AA and they are like "step 2" hehe anyways ....
> suicide ....im like the most suicidal person i know hehe ........well anyways i wondering if u would do me a favour.....
> this is great for a suicidal person.....
> if u wanted to that is
>
> read the book calle "veronika decides to die-paula coehlo" if i didnt spell authors name properly its the same author of the alchamist...... do me a favour and read it and tell me wat u think
> email me if u wanna private@magicmail.co.za
>
Posted by obSession on February 27, 2004, at 20:24:03
In reply to Re: suicide plan step 2 » obSession, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 20:14:07
cool !
thanks ...mail me ....havent heard of the movie will look it up ...it sound amazing!trust me ive planned my funerals......used to sit at school drawing tombstones ...IM LIKE THE SUICIDAL FREAK! i hide it well though now....no one knows really expect T of course.....
the book really helps to see things in a dif perspective ............my T recommended it a while back and I thought oh shit but its actually really gewd and its a brilliant concept....READ IT! TRUST ME U WONT REGRET it...mail me would luv to hear from u .....still have the therapist is reading this paranoi so would devulge more over email ye i know its stupid hehehe :P
dont worry wont tell u how much i think u should live ......on the contary wont tell u how i thik u should die either and how life sux....
have u heard the song by bobby gaylor "suicide" download it if u can ...i Love it! its excellent!
Posted by terrics on February 27, 2004, at 20:44:01
In reply to suicide plan step 2, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 19:44:01
Hi Bell, Isn't it so hard to believe that you are going to feel better? I recently had a major depression that lasted 6 months and just wanted an end. I am very lucky to have a smart,but not very nice pdoc who does wonders with medication. I still have bad days and occasionally a bad week, but the medications help tremendously. So now I can have a day of contentment and even a week. It is worth waiting for. Hope you start feeling better. Do you go to a pdoc? terrics
Posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 21:06:39
In reply to Re: suicide plan step 2 » bell_75, posted by terrics on February 27, 2004, at 20:44:01
Its a relief to have someone who understands how draining depression is. Its a constant shadow over my life that I just cant shake off.
This may sound strange but what is the definition/full title of a pdoc? I've only heard it mentioned here. Is it like a Psychiatrist?
I see a therapist (psychologist) once a week and my GP deals with my medication. My GP reccently took me off 150mg of Effexor XR because I had very high blood pressure and he thought that could be causing it.
So now I'm on my 3rd week of 10mg of Lexapro.
I felt much better on Effexor than I do with Lexapro but maybe I just need to give it more time.
I would love to have at least a day of contentment. I find at the moment even when I'm having fun and enjoying myself I'm down. I have a lingering feeling of hopelessness in my mind and my anxiety makes it impossible for me to feel comfortable in public situations or even around a group of family and friends. I never seem to be able to have a "rest" or "free time" from depression. Its just there!
Thanks again for your help,
Michelle> Hi Bell, Isn't it so hard to believe that you are going to feel better? I recently had a major depression that lasted 6 months and just wanted an end. I am very lucky to have a smart,but not very nice pdoc who does wonders with medication. I still have bad days and occasionally a bad week, but the medications help tremendously. So now I can have a day of contentment and even a week. It is worth waiting for. Hope you start feeling better. Do you go to a pdoc? terrics
Posted by shar on February 28, 2004, at 1:05:12
In reply to suicide plan step 2, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 19:44:01
> I was wondering..does anyone else here with depression feel as though they're always going to be depressed and miserable for the rest of their life?
.......oh, yes, indeedy. As everyone here is sick of hearing....my feeling is that the worst time to commit suicide is when one is suicidal, AND when one is under 50. As revenge, suicide is a dish best served up cold. If it is unthinking, impulsive, too soon, it is no good. If you have lived a half century (50 years) and STILL feel that you want to commit suicide, then, that is a different story. I've done that half century (50+ years) and decided to stay, tho' it can be a day-to-day decision.
I hope you will find a way to be good and decent to yourself, in which case, I believe your suicidal wishes will lessen quite a bit.
Shar
Posted by terrics on February 28, 2004, at 10:36:55
In reply to Re: suicide plan step 2 » terrics, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 21:06:39
Hi Bell, Pdoc is short for psychiatrist. I really believe that they don't have to be nice just good with meds. terrics
Posted by mair on February 28, 2004, at 13:53:43
In reply to suicide plan step 2, posted by bell_75 on February 27, 2004, at 19:44:01
I'm with shar - when you think of the choice of suicide as being the most important decision anyone could ever make - you see that it's not one that should be made impulsively. I get into ruts where it seems as if I can't think of anything else; but it still feels to me like it's more of an impulse than a well-reasoned plan.
I'm well familiar with the feeling that you'll never ever be any better; I've always thought that one of the worst things about depression is that depressive feelings seem so permanent. Rather gradually I came to realize that depressive feelings no longer seem as permanent. I can (and do) get plenty depressed, but I've managed to shed myself of the sense of never ending despair; maybe it's just that I've fallen in and out of these states of depression so frequently, that I just now know the worst feelings do go away.
Please keep trying to find the right meds compbination and stick with therapy. There are no guarantees, of course, but I'm pretty confident that things will eventually look better.
Mair
Posted by obSession on February 28, 2004, at 13:55:24
In reply to Re: suicide plan step 2 » bell_75, posted by terrics on February 28, 2004, at 10:36:55
this is my life and its ending 7 minutes at a time ...i feel like im slowly commiting suicide im a chain smoker and been chain smoking for ever......feel like at the back of my mind im going to die from like lung cancer does anyone ever have this problem and by the way i always ask people how much they smoke a day to try and feel better about it.
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