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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by poet on February 24, 2004, at 13:44:35
For the last week I just can't make a decision on anything. Even the basics: what to wear to work, what to eat for lunch. I have a major decision to make on whether to put an offer in on a house, and I can't do that, either.
I know I'm a perfectionist, so workwise, I'm making myself frantic (I'm working on that in therapy) but this new twist is driving me crazy (crazier?)
I've started this post over at least 10 times and I haven't been posting because I write and rewrite and then don't send.
I know I should talk to my therapist, but that requires making a decision to call her or just wait until Thursday.
Help!
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on February 24, 2004, at 17:20:23
In reply to Can't make decisions, posted by poet on February 24, 2004, at 13:44:35
Poet,
This sounds really difficult for you. Do you think you are (or are more) depressed? Difficulty making decisions is one sign of this. It may also be that the decision on the house is really scary, and it is making it harder to make any decision at all.Please remember that you are wonderful the way you are. It doesn't matter what you wear or what you eat for lunch in the long run. Unless you mix up the clothes and the food, but I don't think you are likely to do that. But I've heard people say they will eat their hat, so you never know. ;^)
Go ahead and call your T if you want. You can always just confirm your appt. for Thursday if hearing your T's voice is enough to get you through until then.
And celebrate any single, simple decision you make each time you make one. You can do it. I have faith in you. You are already working on this with your T. This is just a period which provides fodder for therapy. Why is it so much harder all of the sudden? Definitely worth talking about. And I know you can do that.
It's good to see you on the board.
Take care and hang in there.
(((Poet)))
gg
Posted by Poet on February 24, 2004, at 19:02:37
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions, posted by gardenergirl on February 24, 2004, at 17:20:23
Hi gg,
Buying a house is definitely scary, especially because I have to feel financially and emotionally independent to feel secure. Sadly, this includes my husband, he likes the financial part (who wouldn't?) but hates the emotional part. I'll be in therapy forever.
I think being a frantic perfectionist at work is making me more depressed. I'm not sleeping, without Ambien, and that's a sure sign. My therapist knows about the not sleeping, I decided to hang in until Thursday and talk about the decision problems. Hey, that was a decision!
Thanks for having faith in me. You'll make a great psychologist.
Poet
Posted by 64Bowtie on February 24, 2004, at 22:14:18
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions, posted by gardenergirl on February 24, 2004, at 17:20:23
Posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 9:09:54
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » gardenergirl, posted by Poet on February 24, 2004, at 19:02:37
Poet,
I just wanted to commiserate with you on not being able to make decisions. I find that some days are worse than others. On some days, I seem to get dizzy because I keep turning around, unable to decide what direction to walk in.
There was an article in the Reader's Digest maybe 10 years ago (it was just before I was diagnosed with depression) about depression. It had one of the most accurate descriptions of the indecision: (paraphrased...) He got up in the morning and looked six identical pairs of underwear, and couldn't decide which one to put on.
Stress seems to make my decision-making skills worse. When I find that I can't decide anything I try to give myself a break - reduce expectations - be good to myself - eat ice cream.
Buying a house is definately stressful. (((((Poet)))))
(I just spent 10 minutes with the thesaurus trying to find the right word, and I couldn't. Can anyone help? I want a word that means to sympathize or understand because I have experienced the same thing. I thought that was what commiserate was, but commiserate is just to express sorrow. Condole may be closer - to express sympathetic sorry.)
Posted by antigua on February 25, 2004, at 9:53:48
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » Poet, posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 9:09:54
What about "empathize"?
antigua
Posted by Karen_kay on February 25, 2004, at 17:55:21
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by antigua on February 25, 2004, at 9:53:48
Don't feel alone here.. I can't even choose a meal. My boyfriend has to order food for me.. Is this a sign of something, as it is on-going for me... Wish I knew, but don't feel alone.
And it's not depression in my case, as even when I'm in a normal mood range, I can't order food. I can't decide what to wear, how to do much.. I don't like it.
Posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 19:51:19
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by antigua on February 25, 2004, at 9:53:48
Close, but "empathize" doesn't require you to have first hand knowledge of what the other person is experiencing.
Thanks for trying!
Posted by Poet on February 25, 2004, at 22:27:44
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » Poet, posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 9:09:54
Hi Fallsfall,
Maybe the word should be "identify" as you can identify with my situation and understand what it feels like? Someone else will have to make the decision if that's the right word.
This is the absolute worst time for me to be looking at houses. I finally decided to make an offer and and now the realtor sent me new listings and I'd like to look at one of those.
What flavor ice cream should I have? What's the best remedy?
Thanks.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2004, at 6:47:13
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » antigua, posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 19:51:19
I always like "resonate". I tend to use it if someone says or experiences something that means something to me, too; perhaps out of my own experience. I think of it like something in me is in harmony with them about that issue.
Or something like that...
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2004, at 6:48:54
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by Poet on February 25, 2004, at 22:27:44
Ben and Jerry's mint chocolate chip cookie. My personal favorite. Although Karmel Sutra is good too.
Good luck with the house hunting. Take as much time as you can. It is a big deal, and it's okay to be anxious about and to waffle. You are going to LIVE there. Go with you gut on this. That's my best advice.
Take care and good luck!
gg
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2004, at 10:09:39
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by Poet on February 25, 2004, at 22:27:44
I had trouble making decisions about houses, too. Until I saw the "right one". It was just a bit more than we wanted to pay, but it felt like home. And all the practicalities were in place too.
Now I wish it were on the other side of the city, but at the time the priority was to have a home not too close to my parents'. But darn it, my parents have the most convenient area to my son's school and to my husband's work!
And with a major decision like that looming, the smaller decisions *would* seem overwhelming.
Posted by fallsfall on February 26, 2004, at 11:07:54
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by Poet on February 25, 2004, at 22:27:44
When I can't make decisions I go with a hot fudge sundae with Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, marshmallow (instead of whipped cream), nuts and a cherry.
That way you get both chocolate and non-chocolate. I'm pretty picky about chocolate ice cream - it has to have something interesting in it for me to like it. Many times the ice cream shoppes just don't have the right combination to make me go for chocolate-based ice cream. But I always like Mint Chocolate Chip, and if I add the hot fudge then I get the chocolate I need.
Yummm
Posted by fallsfall on February 26, 2004, at 11:11:15
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions, posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2004, at 6:47:13
Identify and Resonate both have promise.
Resonate even has the sense of going both ways - I feel it and I feel you feeling it.
I think I'll go with "resonate".
Thanks for the help!!!
Posted by Crooked Heart on February 26, 2004, at 15:08:10
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » antigua, posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 19:51:19
> Close, but "empathize" doesn't require you to have first hand knowledge of what the other person is experiencing.
>
> Thanks for trying!How about 'fellow-feeling' (or is that just a UK phrase, I can't find it in Webster's). Any how I have fellow-feeling for your searching for the right word, I had to sleep on that puzzle!
Posted by Crooked Heart on February 26, 2004, at 15:14:26
In reply to Words - Poet and GG, posted by fallsfall on February 26, 2004, at 11:11:15
Posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2004, at 7:24:50
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » fallsfall, posted by Crooked Heart on February 26, 2004, at 15:08:10
> How about 'fellow-feeling' (or is that just a UK phrase, I can't find it in Webster's). Any how I have fellow-feeling for your searching for the right word, I had to sleep on that puzzle!
>
>I've never heard of fellow-feeling, so maybe it is just a UK thing. But it does seem to capture the essence of "knowing how you feel because I've been there too".
Maybe I'll introduce this phrase here in the US...
Thanks.
Posted by tinydancer on February 29, 2004, at 2:19:44
In reply to Re: Can't make decisions » Poet, posted by fallsfall on February 25, 2004, at 9:09:54
This is such a great topic. I have a terrible struggle with decision making every day.
The scenario is something like this: I'm in the grocery store shopping. Suddenly I start to feel dizzy, I see so many things and I can't make up my mind. Then I just shut down. It's too much and I end up buying nothing.
This happens every day with pretty much everything, but I rarely stop and think about it.
This is the end of the thread.
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