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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
i have had this doctor for about a year and a half now and at first he was exactly what i wanted in a doctor... a person that would give me a script for whatever i wanted without question. he was that but not ever much more. all of our sessions have been 5-15 minutes, and usually are just changing meds. i have choose every med i have taken except resperdal and serquil(sp). hes gave me benzos without question at the dose i want. i loved this doc until i attempted suicide. i was on 60 mg of paxil and 10 mg of xanax a day. one day i guess for lack of a better excuess i couldnt take it anymore. i had just gotten my script of xanax about a week ago or less. i took around 216 mg of xanax, waited a half hour then called my dad and explained what i had done and told him my final words then called my mom and did the same. to my suprise a half hour later instead of being uncounsious and planned on being dead. i was counsious opening the door to my dad,mom, and ems. i had started abusing xanax around the time i started getting 8mg a day. i would generally take 10-20mg a day and drink a case or more of beer(id usually have xanax for 2-3 weeks then go through withdraw till i could get my next script filled). needless to say i passed out most days and would wake up laying down somewhere. well i didnt drink any that night and i guess my tolerence was HIGH to benzos, i wasnt effected at all (first time in 6 months probly i hadnt drank on xanax). i doc met me at about midnight at the hospital and said if i didnt commit myself to chestnut ridge(psych ward) he would commit me. so i commited myself. i spent 5 days in the hospital waiting for a bed at chestnut where i was givin 10mg/day of xanax then went to chestnut for 2 days and then i found out from another patient that you could sign yourself out if you signed yourself in! i was like THANK YOU GOD! my parents came in that day and asked how i was doing and i said great,im getting out of here today! well they talked to one of the doctors there and the doctor told them i would die and have a siezier(sp) if i left ha!... well so my parents commited me. anyways after i got out (i spent 13 days there) i was wanting xanax like you cant imagine. btw, they took me off of 10mg/day of xanax in 13 days, i explained what they were doing and how fast to my parents and my mom called her neighbor who is a pharmacologist and he told her he couldnt believe it so my parents wouldnt commit me for another 10 days like the doctors wanted. anyways when i got out, the next day i got a cab (got a dui and totaled my car a while back) to CVS. oh yes, i had plenty of bottles with refills from several pharms and all i had to do was pick the closest one. cvs is about 10 min from my house and i had a bottle with 3 refills of 10mg/day left on it YES! as soon as i got home i took 100 mg (just expecting to feel the "nothingness" that i needed and then pass out. well my tolerence must have really went down and i dont know exactly how many more i took after that. i woke up in my bed, morning, and went to get my bottle of xanax and couldnt find it anywhere! i was shocked! i called my dad to ask him to bring me up some ativan and he told me no. i said "what the f--- i cant find my xanax and i need some ativan". he told me that yesterday (the day after i got my script of xanax filled) i was completely f---ed up and he asked me if i wanted him to take me to my doc, and i told him yes. i guess i went to the doctor in a mess, slurring, stumbling, and he told my dad to flush the rest of my xanax. i dont even remember that day and my neighbor told me later that i came over his house at 7 in the morning f---ed up and woke them up and asked them if they wanted to take some xanax (oh god).
damn anyways to get to my point... my doc must care some because for a year now he hasnt charged me for a office visit and always gave me enough samples of the drugs (except benzos) so i wouldnt have to buy them. he also got me on disability for "sever anexity". when i first got out of the psych ward he wouldnt perscribe any benzos. then he gave me 4mg/day of klonapin(sp), i was pissed. i went to another doctor and he would only give me 3mg/day and then another doctor who would only give me 1.5 mg/day... she said that 3mg/day was high!!! i couldnt believe her words. i cussed her, told her what a inexperenced doctor she was and walked out. now im back to my old doc and got him to give me 6mg/day. and i only get this becasue my parents have had him as a doctor for many years (although my dad quit seeing him when my mom told him he was making passes at her,which i dont believe, their divorced now) and my dad comes in to (almost) every visit and has an agreement with my doctor to just give me my daily dose every day and keep the pills.
now my problem, my doctor doesnt trust me which ment alot to me. i went in about a month ago and told him i needed perscription pain killers for sever back pain and sever pain from an infected pieloniedal cyst (sp). he told me NO! he said he would give me said nsid bullshit and antibotics for my infection. well i leave his office and didnt check till i got in the car and he forgot to give me the pain pills only the antibiotics. so i ended up buying 5 40mg oxy's from a friend. my point is now he doesnt trust me (he does have plenty of reason not too).
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well my dad just stopped by and dropped off my xanax, a 40 (beer) and a hogie. i told him im not feeling suicidal anymore since i got some weed yesterday, he was very relieved, but his responce was something along the line of (i forget exact words)"thank god. i get that way too sometimes, i wake up and just feel like i cant go to work, but then i take one of my pills (ativan 1mg) and about 45 minutes later im ok". it bothers me that my dad still cant understand that when i say im suicidal that i mean i plan on killing myself, i have a plan with all the details already worked out, all i need to do, is it. it really bothers me that people dont understand the seriousness of my problems... anyways lemme read what i was even talking about...
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oh yeah... my doctor doesnt trust me... even though i was abusing xanax i cant quite explain how much i valued his trust (not just for pills either), it was almost like a kind of love, we completely believed whatever the other said.alright ive been rambling on for too long now, sorry, i just found this place about 3 days ago and have never posted to any kind of group or talked online about my problems and i guess asking strangers is much easier for me and i got alot too say (i usually dont). ok too the point. ive been on 7 ssris 2 antipsycotics, every benzo there is and the only thing that actually helps is marijuana, but at an ounce a week its too expensive for me now (although i still smoke most every day), and opiates. i know theres no hope of getting my doc (now) to perscribe opiates and i feel like im running out of options. like i said my doctor only sees me for 5-15 minutes, but thats how i like it. should i find another doctor or what. i dont know... maybe im just asking for advice on what to do next, i feel like ive done everything possible. ok im done. if your reading this line thanks for stayin with me this long =)
btw, my treatment for my suicidal behavior was 3 days of smoking weed and reading your guys's messages while awake. if i went to sleep i left my computer on so i could pick right back up when i woke up. thanks too all you out there and to you dr. bob.any comments or questions welcome. bye
Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 23:15:31
In reply to should i find a new psychiatrist ?, posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
My opinion is that you should go into a drug detox unit until your physical addiction is resolved, and until you have figured out how to deal with your life without abusing drugs.
Yes, I think that your psychiatrist is behaving unethically.
I wish you luck - you have a hard road ahead of you. But if you decide that you want to get better, I really think that you will be able to accomplish a lot.
Posted by zenn4 on December 18, 2003, at 8:36:28
In reply to should i find a new psychiatrist ?, posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
I totally agree with fallsfalls. It seems as though you are shopping around for a doctor who will give you what you want, not what you need. Ideally a pdoc should be looking out for YOUR best interest, even it's not what you think you need. They need to be smart, human, compassionate, and objective. If they aren't, they are doing you a disservice. Doctors who don't have strong boundaries (believe me I know) will do more harm than good in the end. It seems your physical addiction is causing you problems on top of your mental ones. I would seek help in that regard. You seem to have people that care about you, why not capitalize on that? Best of luck. I hope you can resolve this.
Posted by judy1 on December 18, 2003, at 9:58:09
In reply to should i find a new psychiatrist ?, posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
you didn't post your age- but may I guess that you are in your late teens or early 20's? I ask that because I exhibited very similar behavior at that age, and basically all I was doing was crying for help by ODing on anything I could get my hands on. It's difficult to think clearly when you're at this stage, but you really need to trust someone- a school counselor?, a therp ?- can you call your health insurance and ask for help? what helped me was a good substance abuse program (I was hospitalized because I was taking the kinds of doses you were, and there is a real danger of seizures). You have to make a commitment to life- you have a family that obviously loves you, do it for them if you can't do it for yourself. I promise you that once this is under control, you will find lots to love about life without having to desensitize yourself to it. my prayers are with you- judy
Posted by stjames on December 18, 2003, at 12:18:48
In reply to should i find a new psychiatrist ?, posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
I think it is time to stop shopping for doc's that give you whatever pill it is you want.
If you do want to get well, you need to find a doc
that can help you. You beed to withdraw from benzo's in the right setting. Good luck.
Posted by phunz on December 20, 2003, at 15:06:41
In reply to Re: should i find a new psychiatrist ? » phunz, posted by judy1 on December 18, 2003, at 9:58:09
> you didn't post your age- but may I guess that you are in your late teens or early 20's? I ask
ill be 25 in feb.
thanks for the post
Posted by Lyrical13 on December 21, 2003, at 21:17:57
In reply to Re: should i find a new psychiatrist ? » phunz, posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 23:15:31
Posted by Lyrical13 on December 21, 2003, at 21:34:40
In reply to should i find a new psychiatrist ?, posted by phunz on December 17, 2003, at 17:40:42
I recently changed pdocs because I felt like my previous doc wasn't helping me. Best move I ever made. When I called my former doc, soemtimes he would get back to me that day, sometimes 3 days later. His answer was, if it's an emergency go to the ER. Well, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business. I'm not going to the ER to tell them that I've been falling apart at work, am incredibly depressed, anxious etc. and want an increase on my meds. I wasn't calling because I had a hangnail...I was starting to think about suicide. In your case, it sounds like you have tried several different meds. I was in the same boat. I've been on Paxil, Celexa, Serzone, Wellbutrin along with various benzos for anxiety...Buspar, Klonipin, Attivan, Xanax briefly. My new doc actually educated me about depression..he said with my type of problem (chronic and I'd already maxed out a couple drugs) One med alone won't do it. I needed a 2nd med to augment the AD. There are 4 ways to augment:
Thyroid meds
Mood stabilizers
Low doses of antipsychotics
An AD that acts on a different chemicalAPs work the fastest so I added Seroquel to my handful of meds. Also added Synthroid since I do have low thyroid levels. Also take Attivan PRN for anxiety. (My original med is Effexor...I'm on 225 mg of that) Within a few days of starting the Seroquel I felt much better.
It sounds like you might be diong the same type of thing with your meds...here's a new tidbit I just found out from my doc at my last appt. I was telling him some of my recent symptoms (sleeping only a few hours a night and feeling like I was constantly on the go until late the next night and then only sleeping a few hours again etc....talking a lot and feeling obnoxious, talking loud, irritability and a hx of spending sprees and taking on multiple projects at once) He now thinks I am BPII. My major problem is depression but also have high anxiety. He told me that BP2 is often mistaken for depression with generalized anxiety and that if it's really BP2 then benzos are a bad choice for treatment. A better choice is to take Lamictal as a mood stabilizer..I may still need a low dose of Effexor for the depression aspect or may only be on Lamictal. He said that instead of treating the anxiety with benzos, to treat it instead with an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel.
You sounded like you might have similar symptoms and tried similar treatments so I thought the above info might help. But IMHO I think you really do need to get help for the dependency on benzos. That doc was incredibly unethical and has caused you more harm than good (a major violation of the hippocratic oath he took when he got his medical degree...first line of the oath is "first do no harm") He certainly has not done you any good by just blinding prescribing what you asked for. Xanax is one of the most addictive meds around (I only took it for a few days as an interim measure until I could get into a pdoc when I very first started treatment for mood disorder)
Please get help. The world needs you and it sounds like your parents care about you a great deal and want to help you
Good luck
Lyrical13
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