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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:23:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 8:58:40
i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
> But how do you react when your therapist cries? I guess I'm just not good in that type of situation. Usually if someone is crying I want to hold them to comfort them. I'm sure that isn't going to fly. I guess that's nice but I'm really hung up on feeling like "a sympathy case".
> Karen
Posted by Joslynn on December 14, 2003, at 12:24:56
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by noa on December 14, 2003, at 11:45:17
Yeah, I think I would be startled if my pdoc or therapist cried in seesion. I don't know why that is.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:27:58
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 9:13:56
Dinah,You make me laugh on a regular basis. You have an amazing dry wit.
I hope you meant to be funny here, and that I'm not offending you. You were hilarious.
crushed
> My therapist has never once cried, or even teared up. I think I'd fall off my seat.
>
> While I don't think anything I've ever said is particularly cry-worthy, I also doubt he cries much with clients.
>
> He winced once. It made a huge impact on me.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:21:17
In reply to Re: therapist crying » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:27:58
I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
In reply to How about a bit of both? » crushedout, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:21:17
> I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
that means i *did* offend you??? oh god, i'm sorry. i swear, i would never want to do that!
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:44:06
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
> > I'm glad I can make you laugh. :) We all need a laugh now and then.
>
> that means i *did* offend you??? oh god, i'm sorry. i swear, i would never want to do that!I don't think you offended her. She was being sincere, I think. I'm certain :) I agree with you though. She does have an uncanny knack for very dry humor. It's great!!
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:45:02
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » Dinah, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:29:48
You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
(I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:47:23
In reply to Re: How about a bit of both? » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:44:06
I like that view of myself. :) I'll try to keep it in mind.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:49:02
In reply to Re: Oh, no no!!!, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 13:45:02
oh, i'm glad. you're very welcome. i'm not that good at giving compliments, so when i do, they're very sincere!:)
> You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
>
> (I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying » Karen_kay, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 12:23:20
> i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
<<<Although I think on one hand it would be great to see him cry, on the other I just wouldn't be sure how to react. It would be great to know for certain that he does in fact have some sort of ??fondness?? for my wellbeing and experiences. I guess I just tend to think that he only sees me as a name on his appointment book. So, to see (actually see!!) some emotion firsthand would be quite an experience. On the flipside I wouldn't know what to do. First of all, this is about ME!!! He'd be stealing my thunder darn it! I don't cry much and for him to cry too, I just don't know how to handle people crying. I tend to react with frustration, like "Why can't you control yourself?" And he's supposed to be able to control himself. I mean, he didn't have to live it, why in the world would he be crying about it? I might also be insulted. I don't know, if he just had tears in his eyes I think I would be sincerely overjoyed. It would show so much compassion on his part. But if he broke down sobbing, I might be tempted to slap him in the face. Knowing my lack of restraint, it might end precisely that way! Oh man, don't let him be a cry baby :)
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:54:38
In reply to Re: Oh, no no!!!, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:49:02
the other one that made me laugh out loud recently was the reality therapy for your son with his 46 items on his letter to santa!hee hee hoo hoo heh. that was a good one.
>
> oh, i'm glad. you're very welcome. i'm not that good at giving compliments, so when i do, they're very sincere!
>
> :)
>
>
> > You didn't offend me *at all*. I just meant that I was telling the truth, but in my usual manner, which sometimes tends to be a bit... well, dry... and maybe even humorous? :)
> >
> > (I think I'm not good at accepting compliments. How about a simple thank you?)
>
>
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:02:31
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
yeah, i think you're right that it would be inappropriate for them to break down sobbing (and my current t has never done that, although she's had tears pour down her face -- the first time i cried). i actually had one therapist a long time ago who did break down completely. again, i kind of liked it. but we ended up spending almost the entire session talking about her fears and why she was crying. and i was sort of like, hmm, i'm paying you for this????but it was a bonding experience.
> > i always feel touched when she cries. usually, it's not really crying exactly. her eyes just fill up with tears. it happens almost once a session! i know that sounds crazy, but i love it. sometimes i ask her why. other times, i just ignore it. she's completely present with me. i never feel like i need to take care of her, although of course i'd like to. she's just a very emotional person.
>
> <<<Although I think on one hand it would be great to see him cry, on the other I just wouldn't be sure how to react. It would be great to know for certain that he does in fact have some sort of ??fondness?? for my wellbeing and experiences. I guess I just tend to think that he only sees me as a name on his appointment book. So, to see (actually see!!) some emotion firsthand would be quite an experience. On the flipside I wouldn't know what to do. First of all, this is about ME!!! He'd be stealing my thunder darn it! I don't cry much and for him to cry too, I just don't know how to handle people crying. I tend to react with frustration, like "Why can't you control yourself?" And he's supposed to be able to control himself. I mean, he didn't have to live it, why in the world would he be crying about it? I might also be insulted. I don't know, if he just had tears in his eyes I think I would be sincerely overjoyed. It would show so much compassion on his part. But if he broke down sobbing, I might be tempted to slap him in the face. Knowing my lack of restraint, it might end precisely that way! Oh man, don't let him be a cry baby :)
>
>
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:19:07
In reply to one more plug for dinah's stand-up career, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 13:54:38
I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched. lol. I told him I always just thought of myself as being odd. His opinion is that odd and dry humor go hand in hand, so he agreed with both assessments.
It truly genuinely is nice to see yourself from a different perspective.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
In reply to Re: therapist crying » crushedout, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 13:53:20
Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:22:24
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
On the other hand it does occur to me that I will one day see him crying tears of frustration.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:25:49
In reply to Re: Chuckle..., posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:19:07
So, you never realized that your humor is, say dry as a bone? Hmm.. interesting. The things we don't know about ourselves... I mean I realize that my humor is relatively off the wall. And sarcastic, very sarcastic. And some people don't get it. So a lot of the time, I'm left saying, "Oh, I was just kidding" but I don't laugh at my own jokes. And usually I'm poking fun at that person... And I'm stuck with my foot in my mouth. Maybe I should try to change my sense of humor? Nah... I like it. I look back at situations and laugh, so it suits me just fine.
> I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched. lol. I told him I always just thought of myself as being odd. His opinion is that odd and dry humor go hand in hand, so he agreed with both assessments.
>
> It truly genuinely is nice to see yourself from a different perspective.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:30:30
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:02:31
Yeah, I'm not too keen on giving advice to a therapist. I'd be convinced it was some type of test. "He's testing me... Trying to see what I'm going to say...I'm not saying the right thing." I wouldn't have handled myself well. I would have been like "Get yourself together girl. What are you freaking out about? I can't handle this. Where's your supervisor? I'm coming back tomorrow and things had better change. I expect that I won't be charged for this session. And if I freak out tonight I'm holding you personally responsible." But again, I'm not good in situations like that. But, if it were my shrink, I'd be tempted to hold him like a little boy and tell him "Everything's ok. I was fibbing. What can I say to make it all go away?" I'd freak out man. It's a good thing I don't have kids..... :)
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 14:38:20
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
yes, all of my therapists who've cried have been women. none of my male therapists (although i haven't had many) have ever cried with me.i agree it is kind of a female thing, although i am sure there are male therapists who cry, too. just i bet it's less common.
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
>
> I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:38:30
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
<<<My therapist is all man :) he he.. but when I told him I might cry stated he may cry with me. That's why I'm a little agrivated. I'm not sure how to handle that. I don't like it when people cry, let alone men. I don't normally hold strong to traditional values, but I just don't like it when anyone, especially men cry. I wouldn't know what to do if he did start crying. If he began sobbing, I'm afraid I may be tempted to slap him. I think I would feel as though he was mocking me in a way. Maybe that's it. Guess I won't know for sure until it happens, if it happens. But, I hardly doubt he would mention it unless it is likely.
Blasted crybabies!
> I would truly truly hate to have to process my therapist's feelings, as much as an expression of caring would feel good for a moment.<<Here, here! But, I'm not thinking of it as feelings as much as motive! Why is he crying? Is he sympathetic? Is it a game to see how I react?
Posted by zenhussy on December 14, 2003, at 14:51:10
In reply to Re: therapist crying, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:21:18
> Have all the crying therapists been women? Maybe it's a female thing.
Dinah,
I've had both male and female therapists cry over the years. I've commented about it in an earlier post in this thread. I personally do not think that whether or not a therapist cries is a gender issue. That's just my experience though.
zenhussy
Posted by tabitha on December 14, 2003, at 14:53:14
In reply to Re: Chuckle..., posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:19:07
> I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched.
I'm liking Dinah's husband right now. What a clever reply.
Regarding therapists crying.. mine cried in my very first session-- I don't think it was a real session, more like the interview session. But she hasn't done it since! Maybe it was her standard marketing ploy.
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 14:53:24
In reply to Re: therapist crying » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 14:38:30
Karen, I can honestly say from what I have heard of your therapist, that it would not be a game. It wouldn't be a test. And he wouldn't be mocking you. It sounds as if he's trying hard to get you to open up, and it sounds as if he's a pretty open and transparent guy.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you'd be uncomfortable if he cried with you. I don't have anything against men crying, or women. But I would feel somewhat compelled to try to comfort him or something and it might influence what I felt free to say in the future.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 15:00:46
In reply to Re: Chuckle..., posted by tabitha on December 14, 2003, at 14:53:14
> > I just asked my husband if I displayed dry humor. He said my humor was absolutely parched.
>
> I'm liking Dinah's husband right now. What a clever reply.yeah, it seem dinah and her husband have dry wit in common!
> Regarding therapists crying.. mine cried in my very first session-- I don't think it was a real session, more like the interview session. But she hasn't done it since! Maybe it was her standard marketing ploy.
>wow, that's pretty wild! do you mind sharing what she cried in response to, if only vaguely? i'm curious. i bet it was genuine.
Posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 15:01:52
In reply to Re: Chuckle..., posted by crushedout on December 14, 2003, at 15:00:46
Posted by Dinah on December 14, 2003, at 15:15:02
In reply to Re: therapist crying---both male and female » Dinah, posted by zenhussy on December 14, 2003, at 14:51:10
I'm not usually into gender stereotypes. And generally eschew them totally. Especially since by all accounts, I share more characteristics with the stereotypical man than the stereotypical woman. But in the admittedly small sample size of men and women in the mental health profession that I've seen, the women were softer, and the men more likely to be abrasive or distant. And my therapist is juuuuust right. :)
But like I said, it's a small sample size. Maybe ten or so, counting consultations and testing and interviews. And it may have something to do with different parts of the country too.
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