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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 14:40:33
My usually warm and wonderful therapist was unusually cold and clinical with me this afternoon. I am back at work now and fighting back tears, hoping I can make it until 5 pm without crying.
Any words of wisdom to calm me down? I think he is beginning to get frustrated with me concerning my fear that I will be terminated at any minute.
He was a very stern father today. I don't like it.
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2003, at 15:09:06
In reply to Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 14:40:33
Oh, I'm sorry. I hate it when that happens, and it does happen from time to time. No one's therapist is at their best all the time.
Did you ask him about your perception that he was different today? Sometimes I am so sure my therapist is angry with me when the truth is that his kidney stones are acting up, or he was preoccupied for some reason. Once I came in with this whole idea that he had taken my case to supervision or something, and decided to go in an entirely different direction with me - more limit setting and firm. He had absolutely no idea what I was talking about.
So would you like to look at this and see if there might be other reasons for his actions? Did he say anything to you to explain his behavior, or are you making guesses about what's going on. And admittedly my therapist got "frustrated" with my abandonment fears from time to time, but he didn't terminate me. He just needed to step back sometimes and regain his perspective.
So it's horridly unpleasant, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. But it doesn't mean that anything bad will happen or that your worst fears are true.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 15:21:00
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Dinah on November 13, 2003, at 15:09:06
I didn't ask him if anything was bothering him, but I could tell from the minute he got me from the waiting room that something was up. I'm always afraid to ask anything personal for fear he might tell me it is none of my business.
So I'm just making guesses as to what's going on. I brought in my homework assignment which was to write out a a list of my daily worries (there are 29!) and then come up with a rational answer for each one. Well 4 of my worries centered around him (abandonment, fearful that he finds me boring, transference)and that was when he got pretty stern. He did make me look him in the eye when he said that I didn't need to fear that he would terminate me and that his door would always be open to me. I guess his sort of brusque manner just really hurt me since that is how my father used to relate to me and Dr. P. is such the opposite of my father.
But thanks, Dinah, for your words. It helps to have someone remaind me that therapists are indeed human!
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2003, at 15:56:51
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 15:21:00
I think you can rest assured then. If something was up from the moment he got you from the waiting room, it *couldn't* have been anything about you. Maybe he's got kidney stones, too.
He sounds like a cognitive therapist, so I can see where he'd be trying to strongly correct your dysfunctional thoughts about his terminating you. I wish thoughts were that easy to banish. Those abandonment fears run so deep (in me anyway) that mere logic can't touch them.
But on the other hand, you've just gotten his word that his door will always be open to you. :) That's no small accomplishment. Congratulations.
Posted by stjames on November 13, 2003, at 18:22:03
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 15:21:00
He did make me look him in the eye when he said that I didn't need to fear that he would terminate me and that his door would always be open to me.
So, why is this still a consern ?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 18:52:33
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by stjames on November 13, 2003, at 18:22:03
>>
> So, why is this still a consern ?Well, it's not really a concern after today, but I will always be thiking in the back of my mind that as he gets further into therapy with me he will realize he got way more than he bargained for initially and it might be tempting to "dump" me on someone else.
I realize this is irrational, but that's why I'm in therapy!
Posted by Speaker on November 13, 2003, at 22:15:46
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 18:52:33
Miss H.,
I hate it when the therapist has an "off" day. I would go in next time and tell him last week he seemed stern and not his usual...was that a true assesment or was my perception off? Let him answer.
Posted by stjames on November 13, 2003, at 23:20:34
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 13, 2003, at 18:52:33
> >>
> > So, why is this still a consern ?
>
> Well, it's not really a concern after today, but I will always be thiking in the back of my mind that as he gets further into therapy with me he will realize he got way more than he bargained for initially and it might be tempting to "dump" me on someone else.
>
> I realize this is irrational, but that's why I'm in therapy!Then you need to bring up your conserns in your sessions. Docs get all kind of patients, you are far from the worst he has seen. It is also his job.
Instead of fretting about this, why not put this energy into overcoming these behaviors that push people away ?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 14, 2003, at 8:12:46
In reply to Re: Cold Session - need comfort please, posted by Speaker on November 13, 2003, at 22:15:46
Thanks for the advice everyone. It helped a lot.
This is the end of the thread.
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