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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
Who do you tell about being in therapy and on meds? My husband knows and four friends who I hope I can trust, but that's it.
At work I felt like screaming it out at the top of my lungs during my performance review.
Evidentally someone I work with has been whining to our supervisor that I am moody, sarcastic, and angry. Oh, boy it's on my permanent record just like in high school. Won't that one be fun to explain if I try to transfer out of the mindless boring crud job I have to a different one in the company?
Since my supervisor is an MD, you'd think she'd notice signs of depression? Nope. Do I tell her? Do I want to tell her as that could make the situation worse?
I think I know who the whiner is and I feel like going up to her and saying "I'm in therapy, on antidepressants, and ambien doesn't help me sleep. Thanks for helping me really hate myself."
So, who can I tell, who can't I tell? I don't want people calling me crazy behind my back, but I don't want anyone ratting me out behind my back, either.
If I could get a new job I would, but I try and try and fail and fail.
Help.
Poet
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 5, 2003, at 11:01:44
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
The friends I talk to regularly know, and my mum and one brother.. none of my husbands family know (they know nothing.. think I work full time still (I've not worked for over 2 years!!!) and am happy little bunny!!) Though am dying to say somethiing since our last visit and I found a box of paxil in a kitchen cabinet while puttiing clean dishes away!!).. and my other brother thinks mental illness is all rubbish and doesn't exist so he knows nothing..
As for other people.. it depends on how I'm feeling. If I'm drunk I tell anyone and everyone (one of the reasons I don't drink really anymore), but the rest of the time I kind of go on instinct as to whether I should say anything.
I guess, because of the agorophobia, the vast majority of the friends I speak to with any regularity are online friends, its easier for me to open up to them about it.. Though I very very rarely actually talk about my feelings outside of PB and a yahoo group I use for people with BPD (and not there anymore actually.. so, PB it is!)I think the whole work thing is very tough. I broke down and told my boss I was suffering, and he was great about it.. but 3 months later I was transferred to another team, and though I told my boss there everything, and he did seem understanding, HR got involved and they never even tried to understand. I was given a final written warning on sick days on Christmas eve of all days (ie, if I took anymore I was sacked, and I was to sign a statement saying I wouldn't take any more days.. I refused saying I couldn't promise that, but I did it outside the 5 working days allowance to appeal, as I had gone away for christmas!!).. It turned into a total utter nightmare, they weren't willing to work with me at all..
It all ended with them saying that they were putting me on permanent sick leave, as then I would qualify for sickness payment (60% of salary) from an insurance policy I'd paid into via work.. so I accepted this.. turned out I didn't qualify for payments for a year *sighs* but they do pay me now.I honestly believe that is someone hasn't been where we are, they will never understand. And though they may pay lip service to it, there are very few employers that do actually care.
I saw this story yesterday.. and though it doesn't deal with Mental health, it did amaze me.. A guy went mountain climbing on the weekend, and got trapped on the Mountain. He survived for 5 days eating nothing but snow before he was rescued. While in hospital he received a letter from his employer sacking him for this unaothorized absence!!!
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_835359.html?menu=news.quirkies
Sorry.. I've gone off on a total tangent!! *lol*
Nikki x
Posted by sadmom on November 5, 2003, at 13:52:21
In reply to Re: Who knows you're in therapy? » Poet, posted by NikkiT2 on November 5, 2003, at 11:01:44
I used to tell my family, but they always ask annoying questions, like "what did you talk about" or "is it helping".
I would never tell anyone at work because I work with mostly men and have to appear strong. Also you never know who you could trust to tell it to. If you told one person, they could tell someone else, then gossip ...
I always make my appts for noon so it is easier to slip in and out of work.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 5, 2003, at 14:12:33
In reply to Re: Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by sadmom on November 5, 2003, at 13:52:21
I've told most of my family and friends. For some reason, a lot of my friends are also in therapy!
I've told no one at work though. Like sadmom, I schedule appointments for lunch time so no one notices.
Posted by Medusa on November 5, 2003, at 15:37:59
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
Poet, talking to the whiner WON'T help. Unless s/he's got a heart, in which case s/he would have wondered what's up.
Your boss might be waiting for you to say something first.
How you say something really, really really affects the reception ... if you come with a plan - say, including getting transfered to a more interesting job, because that WILL diminish your depression for sure, and including specific goals you want to meet in order to get a good recommendation from your boss, and asking her what goals she would have - you'll be MUCH more positively received than if you go with the depression-as-explanation route.
I wouldn't use the depression to explain anything at all, and I wouldn't refer to the whiner.
Right now, I'm not on meds, and I don't plan to tell anyone (other than my doctor) when I go back on. I've just started a new round of systems therapy, and only stbx and two sisters know about this.
I discussed meds once with an acquaintance who was trying to get off venlafaxine and going through hell ... unfortunately, one of her friends was also there, and that woman is incredibly indiscrete and LOUD. I had to shush her once when I ran into her another time, and I'm probably going to ask the first woman how I can phrase my request for privacy to the second one. To some people, it's a topic like the weather, and to me, while it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's personal medical information.
Posted by Dinah on November 5, 2003, at 15:43:47
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
Although I don't go into the details.
Posted by helenag on November 5, 2003, at 15:48:55
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
I would never breathe a word about my problems with mental health at work. Never ever. I'm naturally high strung, so the times I've stressed out or had
bad days, folks considered it part of me and part of my rather stressful position. Besides, I am lucky that I have the kind of job where I can disappear into the office or storerooms, etc if I need to.My extended family knows, and a few of them think that depressed people are able to pull themselves up by their boot straps, etc etc. Mostly, however, my family has been kind and supportive.
There is so much stigma attached to mental illness that I am still much leery to tell anyone, even friends or acquaintances. It is not something that I discuss or divulge. Added to my "woes" is substance abuse...forget ever mentioning that.
I figure why open myself to hurt or misunderstanding for no good reason?? At least that's how I approach it. Helen.
Posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 18:22:59
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
I think that I will keep my mouth shut at work about therapy, depression and meds. I have major trust issues as it is. Actually I plan to not talk much to anyone about anything for awhile. Do the old speak to them if they speak first and then talk about the weather.
I'm trying to get my supervisor to see me tomorrow regarding the evaluation. I won't be able to get her to eliminate what she wrote(I tried that twice during my review.) I am going to try to get her to include a letter from me saying that "I realize I can be sarcastic at times and I will watch that I say from now on. I'd like you to be aware that I have not been told by any co-worker of any problems with me as of this date."
I think psychobabble is the only safe place to talk about mental illness. There's instant understanding.
Poet
Posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 18:25:41
In reply to Re: Thanks for your help, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 18:22:59
Posted by bubblechild on November 5, 2003, at 18:45:59
In reply to Re: who knows you're in therapy, posted by helenag on November 5, 2003, at 15:48:55
my husband was the only one who knew for a long time but i think he convienently forgot about it. Then I told my daughter because she was experiencing panic attacks. My brother was going thru some stuff and I knew he needed to be in therapy so I told him. Somehow my sister knew am not sure how. But that is it. It's not that I am ashamed but this is the most difficult thing I have ever done, and I really don't want to share it with anyone. I don't want anyone's input as to what I should be talking about etc. NOPE! This is mine......all MINE!
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 6, 2003, at 7:08:34
In reply to Re: who knows you're in therapy, posted by bubblechild on November 5, 2003, at 18:45:59
i use names like "charm school"
and "education meetings " at the hospital..
i had to tell the school i was unreachable during "charm school"..
i have so few friends...none..
and my family does not talk to me about it,,even when i bring it up...
my hubby always tends to throw things back in my face" crazy bitc...lookout she is unwindinding again!..."
the truey "insane " part dealing with mental illness,,is you see how many people out there need more help than you do.....
oh yah my hubby also said he doesnt belive in therapy and wont go with me ...i begged...
j
Posted by karen_kay on November 6, 2003, at 7:33:19
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
All of my close friends know. Because I always talk about humping my shrink. And they always ask if I did (jokingly of course). My mom knows and tends to ask if I talk aobut how horrible a mother she was. To which I reply I try to focus on myself. My boyfriend knows, and has gone to one session before. He knows that I have a crush on my therapist too. My sisters know, and I try to encourage them to seek counseling. I just don't think they are ready to accept some of the things that happened to them. Like me, they have forgotten everything that happened to them when they were children. My boyfriend's family doesn't know, but they know that I was put in the hospital once. We never talk about it (thank god).
Posted by pixygoth on November 6, 2003, at 10:46:09
In reply to Re: who knows you're in therapy, posted by justyourlaugh on November 6, 2003, at 7:08:34
I know what you're saying - we are in therapy and yet there are hundreds of people out there (my father for one) who really need it possibly even more than us....
the buggers just won't admit it /see it/ understand it.
At least we *know* we've got problems, it must be empowering somehow...
Posted by Eggy on November 7, 2003, at 6:52:06
In reply to Who knows you're in therapy?, posted by Poet on November 5, 2003, at 10:23:24
My entire family and my husbands entire family knows I am in therapy. There is only one group of friends that do not know I am in therapy. That is the "cheerleading" mom group. Mainly because one of the moms made a remark about her husband being Bipolar and therefore would NEVER let him near her kids. After that and me being Bipolar I kept it to myself just for the fact I didn't want my daughter singled out. Plus their daughters had stayed over many times and had a blast. The mom that made a remark is always asking me to babysit. One day I tell her I am Bipolar. Then that should change her stereotypical mind about mental illness.
This is the end of the thread.
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