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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 9:36:27
In my search on transference, the main piece of advice I got from everyone was that if you choose a competent, professional, well trained and empathetic therapist, that you could tell him or her anything you were feeling. And I've certainly found that true in my therapeutic relationship. That my therapist was able to use what I tell him to further the therapy. (And yes, I suppose that may be because he has supervision.)
But the problem I see is that by the time we find Psychological Babble, or by the time we're worried about transference, it's already too late. And a careful search will only benefit us the next time, when we've already been hurt.
In an ideal world, I think there would be some sort of MMPI for therapists. When a state licensed you, they would send you a list of six hundred questions for you to endorse or not endorse.
I believe in getting supervision on a regular basis.
I think people with BPD are parasites. (I'd reject a therapist for that one, Nikki)
I think people with BPD are doing their best to cope with their painful feelings.
I avoid clients oozing with transference potential.
I prefer my clients to be independent.
I believe that my job as a therapist is to be a teacher.
I believe if there isn't significant improvement in six months, there isn't going to be significant improvement, and the client should be referred on.
I prefer not to refer a client on during treatment for fear of confirming abandonment fears, and try first to get supervision to solve any issues I am having with a client.
I believe in telling a client all of my feelings towards him or her.
I believe that intimate contact with a client can be beneficial (I guess they wouldn't answer that one honestly).
And hundreds more, touching on attitudes and competencies.
Then they could be scored, like the MMPI, for therapist competencies and where they stand on the empathy and psychopathy, etc. scales.
And the therapists would have to hand out the results to potential clients. Not the individual items maybe, but the scores.
But that's an ideal world. How can someone going into therapy for the first time possibly judge? A license or a degree is no indicator. I have read things by famous and well respected therapists that have degrees up the hoo-ha and years of experience, that set my hair on end. I just want to gather up their clients and give them a big hug.
I found my therapist in a seminar he was giving on anxiety. He was teaching guided imagery and asked after if we had felt our tension go down, and some questions like that. And I was the class member who tentatively raised her hand and told the truth, after which many others did the same. I was a real class ruiner for the poor guy. I talked to him during intermission, and described my panic attacks, and told him that I was having trouble making an appointment over the phone. I was mainly speaking to receptionists and intake coordinators that didn't seem too eager to have new, unreferred patients. And he was very pleasant and gave me his card (despite my disruption of his class). And I went *because* of that.
I had no idea of anything about him, except his kindness. I actually thought he was kind of psycho-babbly and shallow. It would never have occurred to me that I'd have gone more than a few months, after which time he'd have fixed me right up and sent me on my way. I certainly didn't (nor did he) see me as oozing transference potential. I was Ms. Intellectual No Emotion Rational Person.
Obviously, it wasn't the best way to choose a therapist. But there are two big questions. How do you choose a competent therapist? And two, how do you know that you need to, before your first therapy experience?
Posted by Penny on October 13, 2003, at 10:19:15
In reply to Choosing a therapist, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 9:36:27
Yes, unfortunately, until you've experienced transference, it's probably something you've never given any thought to, and you probably don't understand what it's all about.
My T said she used to recommend a book to her new patients that is out of print now (figures!) about what to expect from therapy. (I recommended "In Session" to her, BTW. Perhaps she will share that with some of her clients.)
I found my former therapist by sheer luck - I called a clinic where a friend of mine was seeing someone, talked to the receptionist and she recommended my former therapist after I told her a *little* of my story. When I saw my former T the first time, I didn't like her. Was afraid to 'reject' her to her face (one of my main issues is confrontation), so I made a second appointment with her, and then called a day or so later when I knew she wouldn't be there and cancelled on her voice mail. She called me back and wanted to discuss why I had cancelled, and I told her I didn't think it was a good fit, and she said that she understood how awkward it could be early in therapy, but that if I came back and still didn't want to continue with her, she would help me find a new therapist. I had had so much trouble finding a therapist, I figured that was a deal I couldn't pass up. I went back a second time, and continued seeing her for 3 years.
My current T was a referral from my pdoc, when I moved. I actually interviewed three that he recommended, and liked 2 of them but not the third. I chose my T b/c she was similar in some ways to my former T, but had some different approaches. I was also encouraged by her willingness to talk to my former T to get some history on me.
But the real clincher? I told her that I was interviewing 2 other therapists in addition to her, and her comment was "That's good, but be sure to let me know if you choose someone else, b/c I want to make sure you're in someone's good hands if not in mine." That she was concerned about me from the get-go really made her stand out from the rest. And I'm still very pleased with my decision.
My advice for choosing therapists is much like anything else - colleges, jobs, medications, etc. Research, ask questions, get other opinions, and so on. Don't be afraid to see a T a few times and then change your mind. Just b/c you've seen him or her a few times doesn't mean you're locked in forever. Just b/c someone else really likes that person (like, your pdoc, for example) doesn't mean you will.
It's so hard if you've never been in therapy, because it's hard to know what to expect, but try to remember that this is a service they are selling to you - you are the client and also the customer. If something feels off, it probably is. Listen to your instincts.
And I like the idea of an MMPI for therapists. There should be *some* way of ranking them, so to speak. At least with docs you can check with the board of medicine in your state (I don't know about other countries) to see if they are licensed, if they are being investigated, etc. Can you do the same with the licensing boards for therapists as well? It wouldn't hurt...
P
Posted by Poet on October 13, 2003, at 11:04:57
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist, posted by Penny on October 13, 2003, at 10:19:15
My therapist is a "independent licensed clinical social worker" in Wisconsin. I verified that she is licensed on the state's website.
It doesn't give any information if licensed therapists are being investigated, but it does say when the license was issued and if it is current.
I also lucked out and found a good therapist on the first try. She puts ads in a monthly journal put out by a natural foods store. It took me six months to get up the courage to call her and I still think if she hadn't answered the phone I would have hung up on her voicemail.
It helped that we talked a long time on the phone, she told me about herself and asked why I thought she could help me. That made the dreaded first session easier. I knew a little bit about her and vice versa.
There's a very funny film called "Amazon Women on the Moon" it's short comedy bits. Roseanna Arquette plays a woman who gets two forms of identification from her potential date and then gets a computer printout of his dating history. I think we need something like that for therapists. I know, it's only a movie, not reality.
Poet
Posted by HannahW on October 13, 2003, at 11:35:51
In reply to Choosing a therapist, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2003, at 9:36:27
I love the idea of a questionnaire! Except I would like to see the answers themselves. It would actually be a nice way of choosing a therapist that fits with what we're looking for. The downside would be that sometimes what I think I want and need really isn't what I want and need at all.
Posted by EscherDementian on October 14, 2003, at 8:57:53
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist, posted by HannahW on October 13, 2003, at 11:35:51
Thank you Dinah,
Penny,
Poet
& Hannah...i've nothing to add, but i hope this thread does not end yet.
i've been lurking with agreement and interest.
Posted by jane d on October 15, 2003, at 0:28:20
In reply to Re: Choosing a therapist, posted by Penny on October 13, 2003, at 10:19:15
> My T said she used to recommend a book to her new patients that is out of print now (figures!) about what to expect from therapy. (I recommended "In Session" to her, BTW. Perhaps she will share that with some of her clients.)
Do you remember the name of the book? Out of print doesn't necessarily mean out of circulation (I get all my books from the library anyway) and I could certainly use more information on what to expect. Thanks.
Jane
Posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 0:50:19
In reply to Re: Book on what to expect in therapy » Penny, posted by jane d on October 15, 2003, at 0:28:20
While In Session is definately one of the best books I've read, I really like, Between Therapist and Client by Michael Kahn. I also like Inside Therapy which is a collection of writings, some funny, some touching. But, you will learn a lot. I've heard that Love's Executioner is also a very good book, but haven't read that one yet.
-D
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 15, 2003, at 1:23:53
In reply to Re: Book on what to expect in therapy » jane d, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 0:50:19
> While In Session is definately one of the best books I've read, I really like, Between Therapist and Client by Michael Kahn...
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
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