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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on September 29, 2003, at 20:04:32
had my therapist's name on it.
He is working me so hard. Today we were talking about my old therapist - about how she was so wonderful and met my needs, about how I am so angry that she didn't do as good a job as I think she should have.
I split. With people who are important to me, they are either all good or all bad. I can't see them as having both good and bad qualities. This is a cornerstone of Borderline Personality Disorder. It also really gets in the way of a lot of things.
He kept switching between talking about her meeting my needs and being angry at her. Then he said something to me. I thought about it a little, but I really didn't know what I was thinking about. He asked what I was thinking and I told him that what he had just said was very threatening, but that I didn't know what he had just said (can you say "resistance"?). Then he asked if I knew the saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" (Don't bite = anger, feeding = meeting needs). After the session I figured out that the statement that I couldn't hear must have been intended to merge the good and the bad.
I went down to the river and watched the loons and Great Blue Heron fishing for an hour. Then I got ice cream. I still had to eat candy to be able to drive home. Then I took a nap.
He is really good. He works me very hard. But he seems (so far) to push me to my limit, but not over it (i.e. I'm not suicidal...).
I just have to sit with it until I can "process" it. It doesn't really make sense that it takes so much out of me - we're just talking. So if I don't say much, this is why.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on September 29, 2003, at 20:58:41
In reply to The Mack Truck that ran me over..., posted by fallsfall on September 29, 2003, at 20:04:32
Well, Congratulations to you too!
Usually, when people get run over by a Mack Truck, they don't survive. You are a tough cookie.
I find your use of icecream and candy quite apropriate to the situation. Those are my favorite forms of self medication.
Dee.
Posted by Adia on September 29, 2003, at 21:05:08
In reply to The Mack Truck that ran me over..., posted by fallsfall on September 29, 2003, at 20:04:32
Dear Fallsfall,
You are working so very hard! You should be proud of yourself...
It must be really painful and draining to process the feelings about your old therapist...
I am glad you have a good therapist to guide you through this...
Take gentle care of yourself...
I am sending you all my support....
you are being so brave and working so hard!
Adia.
> had my therapist's name on it.
>
> He is working me so hard. Today we were talking about my old therapist - about how she was so wonderful and met my needs, about how I am so angry that she didn't do as good a job as I think she should have.
>
> I split. With people who are important to me, they are either all good or all bad. I can't see them as having both good and bad qualities. This is a cornerstone of Borderline Personality Disorder. It also really gets in the way of a lot of things.
>
> He kept switching between talking about her meeting my needs and being angry at her. Then he said something to me. I thought about it a little, but I really didn't know what I was thinking about. He asked what I was thinking and I told him that what he had just said was very threatening, but that I didn't know what he had just said (can you say "resistance"?). Then he asked if I knew the saying "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" (Don't bite = anger, feeding = meeting needs). After the session I figured out that the statement that I couldn't hear must have been intended to merge the good and the bad.
>
> I went down to the river and watched the loons and Great Blue Heron fishing for an hour. Then I got ice cream. I still had to eat candy to be able to drive home. Then I took a nap.
>
> He is really good. He works me very hard. But he seems (so far) to push me to my limit, but not over it (i.e. I'm not suicidal...).
>
> I just have to sit with it until I can "process" it. It doesn't really make sense that it takes so much out of me - we're just talking. So if I don't say much, this is why.
Posted by Dinah on September 29, 2003, at 21:38:04
In reply to The Mack Truck that ran me over..., posted by fallsfall on September 29, 2003, at 20:04:32
I just want to tell you how brave I think you are. You may get run over, but you pick yourself up and go back in. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the courage.
Give yourself a well earned pat on the back.
Posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 6:03:53
In reply to Re: The Mack Truck that ran me over... » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2003, at 21:38:04
Thank you for your encouragement. I don't see it as being brave - I see it as a necessity. But I am hearing that you see it as bravery, and I'm trying to listen to that and know that you really see it that way.
This morning I am feeling optimistic (wow, really?). This is the real work. This is what will make a difference. This is my ticket out of depression.
And that's how it is at 7AM (will my daughter be on time for school?). Stay tuned for an update at Noon.
Posted by judy1 on September 30, 2003, at 10:01:18
In reply to The morning after, posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 6:03:53
I'm glad you handled everything so well, and I do understand necessity but that doesn't detract from the point that you have the courage to face things rather then run away. Just dropped my son at school and trying to get my daughter to eat instead of feeding the cat. hope you have a great day- judy
Posted by HannahW on September 30, 2003, at 13:26:22
In reply to The morning after, posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 6:03:53
> Stay tuned for an update at Noon.
OK, it's almost noon here on the west coast. How about that update? :)
Posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 16:59:34
In reply to Re: The morning after, posted by HannahW on September 30, 2003, at 13:26:22
Sorry to be late with the update, Hannah.
After my morning post I ate breakfast, took my daughter to school, and finished reading Babble. I was thinking of all the things I could do today. An hour after the post I took a 2 hour nap.
When I woke up from the nap I had some ambition so I started thinking about what I should do, but that made me tired (I was still in bed). I knew I shouldn't stay home all day, and I was feeling guilty about the lack of stimulation my dogs get. But I didn't want to do anything.
I forced myself to walk the dogs around the block. Then I brought a movie I just got ("Butterflies are Free" - great movie) to a friend's house. She's been napping from 8:30 - 1:00 every day. So I thought I should wake her up. We watched the movie, she liked it. My daughter called to see why I wasn't home to take her to the Eye Doctor's. So I did that and now I'm back home. Exciting, huh?
I have enough motivation to try to decide what to do, but not enough to actually do anything.
I could use another nap...
Posted by deirdrehbrt on September 30, 2003, at 21:36:47
In reply to The evening after, posted by fallsfall on September 30, 2003, at 16:59:34
Fallsfall,
It sounds like you found some energy to do something today. That's great! You walked the dogs, and you went to your friends' house. Then to the eye doctors..... you did really well, and that was a fairly full day.
please try to take pride in your accomplishments. Find a way to reward yourself.
Dee.
Posted by Donna Louise on October 7, 2003, at 15:50:48
In reply to Re: The evening after » fallsfall, posted by deirdrehbrt on September 30, 2003, at 21:36:47
> Fallsfall,
> It sounds like you found some energy to do something today. That's great! You walked the dogs, and you went to your friends' house. Then to the eye doctors..... you did really well, and that was a fairly full day.
> please try to take pride in your accomplishments. Find a way to reward yourself.
> Dee.
I am depressed today and making it worse feeling like a failure since I went back to bed and have done nothing "worthwhile". It makes me feel better to know that somedays others have trouble too and that even more others think it is ok. I beat myself up alot, I think the meds should make me well, they never have. I stll have to deal with this stuff, it is just manangeable. Anyway, it is so good to know I am not alone and that it is ok.Donna
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