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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:28:44
In reply to Therapist died , posted by Lonely on September 20, 2003, at 1:16:06
Originally posted by Lonely 9/20/03
> Whew! After going through the registration process I almost forgot why I was here! <grin>
>
> The reason is because my therapist of 3 years died in the spring of this year and I miss her terribly. Thankfully, we had a professional&personal friend in common who let me know of her sudden serious illness and death so I was able to attend the Memorial. I think I was about the only one of the patients who knew in time. That's a terrible way to have a powerful relationship end.
>
> I was able to get a couple photographs of her, one of which sits on my credenza and the other I use for a screen saver. She was really much more than a therapist to me - in fact, sometimes I'm not so sure about the therapy part - but I cared deeply about her and I dearly wish I could have eased her pain and told her how much I cared. I can't help crying as I write this.
>
> It's hard to be a patient; if a relative had died there would be no question as to who I was at the Memorial. But, with a therapist there's no real after-support like there is with family members. Also, I think I understand some issues better now that we had scrapped over and I want to tell her about it. I know she was in pain and putting on a brave face and I wish I had been more compassionate to her. I can't find anyone else who *really* understands or whom I feel cares about me as much.
>
> There is a closing couplet from a Shakespeare sonnet that goes "this thou perceivist which makes thy love more strong; to love that well what thou must leave ere long" that somehow comes to mind when I think of this therapist.
>
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Posted by fallsfall on September 20, 2003, at 8:57:18
In reply to Re: Therapist died » Lonely, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:28:44
I can't imagine what it would be like for my therapist to die. You have my deepest sympathies.
Have you looked for a new therapist? (You could ask your friend who is a therapist for recommendations) I saw my first therapist for 8 1/2 years. She knew everything about me. I didn't have to explain what things meant to me because she understood. I interviewed 4 therapists before choosing a new one. I was pretty amazed at how helpful and caring they could be without knowing all my details.
My new therapist has a long way to go to understand who all the people are in my life. He has a long way to go to understand why particular things are difficult for me. But even without that knowledge (which can only come with time) I find that he can be very helpful to me. I fill in the details along the way and that seems to work. Working with a therapist for 3 months feels really different from working with a therapist for 8 1/2 years, but a good therapist can be empathetic in the first session.
I wish you peace in this difficult time.
Posted by kyp on September 20, 2003, at 9:30:09
In reply to Re: Therapist died, posted by fallsfall on September 20, 2003, at 8:57:18
Dinah,
My deepest ----- I don't even know the words. I feel for you and the lonliness and unsupport in your loss. Therapy is so weird. It is such a unique relationship, an intimacy to figure out as it is anyway without it ending on such a note of no closure. You must feel your feet were knocked out from underneath you. Loss cannot be replaced. But it is so important to be in therapy to talk about these new feelings and how to sit with them. I wish for you success in finding the right person to share yourself with who can be there for you.
KYP
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 9:59:50
In reply to Re: Therapist died, posted by kyp on September 20, 2003, at 9:30:09
Hi Kyp. I just wanted to be clear that it was Lonely's therapist who died. I just directed it over here from the medication board.
I can't imagine losing my therapist....
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 10:04:45
In reply to Re: Therapist died » Lonely, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:28:44
I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. We don't have an open relationship with our therapists, so the grieving process would probably be more difficult. I'm glad you had someone who was able to tell you about her death, and that you were able to obtain some closure by going to her memorial service.
It really makes me think, and I imagine this will be a topic of my next therapy session. I have asked my therapist of eight years how I would find out if anything happened to him. I'll have to jog his memory to make sure he makes arrangements for a colleague to make the calls to his clients.
I just can't imagine how I'd feel....
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Dinah
Posted by kyp on September 20, 2003, at 10:12:04
In reply to Re: Therapist died » kyp, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 9:59:50
So sorry Lonely about your loss.
I got a bit confused with who's therapist had died, sorry
KYP
Posted by Adia on September 20, 2003, at 12:19:18
In reply to Re: Therapist died » Lonely, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2003, at 8:28:44
Hi Lonely,
My heart goes out to you...
I can't imagine how devastated I would feel if something happened to my therapist..It is soooo painful...
I am glad you were able to get a couple of photographs so you have something tangible to feel her closer...apart from what you have shared with her...
I am sorry you don't feel supported or understood...Maybe your friend can suggest a new therapist to help you , at least someone to share your feelings with....
I am sending you lots of support and I am so sorry..
Adia.> Originally posted by Lonely 9/20/03
>
> > Whew! After going through the registration process I almost forgot why I was here! <grin>
> >
> > The reason is because my therapist of 3 years died in the spring of this year and I miss her terribly. Thankfully, we had a professional&personal friend in common who let me know of her sudden serious illness and death so I was able to attend the Memorial. I think I was about the only one of the patients who knew in time. That's a terrible way to have a powerful relationship end.
> >
> > I was able to get a couple photographs of her, one of which sits on my credenza and the other I use for a screen saver. She was really much more than a therapist to me - in fact, sometimes I'm not so sure about the therapy part - but I cared deeply about her and I dearly wish I could have eased her pain and told her how much I cared. I can't help crying as I write this.
> >
> > It's hard to be a patient; if a relative had died there would be no question as to who I was at the Memorial. But, with a therapist there's no real after-support like there is with family members. Also, I think I understand some issues better now that we had scrapped over and I want to tell her about it. I know she was in pain and putting on a brave face and I wish I had been more compassionate to her. I can't find anyone else who *really* understands or whom I feel cares about me as much.
> >
> > There is a closing couplet from a Shakespeare sonnet that goes "this thou perceivist which makes thy love more strong; to love that well what thou must leave ere long" that somehow comes to mind when I think of this therapist.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 20, 2003, at 19:49:37
In reply to Re: Therapist died..To Lonely, posted by Adia on September 20, 2003, at 12:19:18
> My heart goes out to you...
> I can't imagine how devastated I would feel if something happened to my therapist..It is soooo painful...I'm not sure if this is going to work, but to try to minimize duplication, I'd like to redirect follow-ups regarding Lonely's loss to Psycho-Babble Grief:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/261952.html
And to reserve this thread for general discussion about the loss (or potential loss) of therapists. Does that make sense? Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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