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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on August 13, 2003, at 16:55:41
Hi,
I just finished "When to Say Goodbye to Your Therapist", and thought it was highly relevant to a lot of posters here. I was disappointed at the brevity of the chapter, "When your therapist leaves you", but maybe that is an unusual occurrence. I already was familiar with the countertransference termination (which is the polite term of what I went through) but was shocked at the story of the suicide, which proves there is always a worse situation to find oneself in. Did anything strike particular chords with you?
take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2003, at 0:43:59
In reply to Received and read book Dinah, posted by judy1 on August 13, 2003, at 16:55:41
I guess I liked her well balanced discussion of transference from the client side. It gave me a lot to think about.
But the part I really really liked was her discussion about whether or not you were substituting therapy for other relationships in your life. Or diluting other relationships by saving the deepest intimacy for therapy.
I thought that was possible enough that I seriously thought about the topic. And I discussed it with both my therapist and my husband. Eventually I decided it wasn't really happening in my case. What I discussed in therapy were mainly things that were therapy topics only. I keep plenty of intimacy in my marriage by talking about other things. But my husband isn't the sort of person that could handle the mental health stuff. And he wouldn't be able to help me with coping techniques. And my therapy isn't an ersatz friendship either. I have some good friends (ok, online ones, but that doesn't make them less real). And my intimacy level with them is high, too.
But I like books that make me examine things like that. I liked "In Session" for the same reason. It made me think hard about what I wanted from my therapist and from therapy. It made me assess the nature of the transference. And sorting out the feelings made them so much less scary.
When you've gone to therapy for eight years, I think it's important to re-assess every now and again.
Oh, and I also used the book (along with discussions with my husband) to jump start me into a discussion of therapy goals with my therapist. I found out that the three of us, my therapist, my husband, and me, all have pretty different goals. :) But it is, nevertheless, good to know that. It's going to be important to hash out a compromise or shared goals for at least my therapist and I to have.
I looked at that chapter about your therapist leaving you first, of course. :) And I was glad that at least it recognized the truly serious harm it can do, especially to those of us with abandonment issues. (And don't most of us have abandonment issues?)
Did it stimulate any internal discussions for you?
Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2003, at 0:45:48
In reply to Re: Received and read book Dinah » judy1, posted by Dinah on August 14, 2003, at 0:43:59
Posted by judy1 on August 14, 2003, at 15:27:35
In reply to Re: Received and read book Dinah » judy1, posted by Dinah on August 14, 2003, at 0:43:59
Oh Lord yes do I have abandonment issues :-), but I guess I was relieved to find it was pretty common around here. The book did make me think that I should consider my spouse's input- especially since my therapist has asked me a couple of times to bring him (he has never met her, and only met my shrink after a car accident). It was interesting that during that sick realtionship with my ex-shrink he became my spouse/father, etc. and that caused me to withdraw from my marriage, but now that is no longer an issue. I recognize that w/o transference I'm not going to do well in therapy but unfortunately I still won't open myself up to that and is the reason I don't go very often. I'm glad you got a lot out of the book (although I liked 'In Session' much more) take care, judy
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