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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 19:34:50
My therapist is going on vacation for 2 weeks. He thinks I don't need to see anybody during that time (He says he'll talk to me on the telephone??).
I'm trying to figure out what can make this bearable for me. I would have been OK, but we just fell into a major transference thing, and I'm pretty scared of just that - not including him being gone in a week. I wonder if he'll write me a note that says that he's not mad at me, and something optimistic about us working together. Then when I go into one of my (frequent) spells of paranoia I could read his note and know that I'm OK.
Would that make any sense? Has anyone done something like that? Do you think he would do it? Would it help me?
Beginning to panic,
Fallsfall
Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2003, at 20:06:34
In reply to Vacation Crutches, posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 19:34:50
I asked my therapist to do a tape for me, well two of them. One that is a basic relaxation tape, going through a guided relaxation. The second a non-self-injury reinforcing pep talk. He agreed to do both, and did the first. But he seemed sort of at a loss on what to say on the second, and so I didn't follow up on it.
And of course, he let me take photos of his office when he moved.
I don't find either one helps me as much as I hoped it would. It helps more to call his phone message on his machine (perhaps it's more of a "real" connection?). He's ok with me doing that too.
But nothing helps me enough. I end up freezing my emotions for the duration, sometimes with the help of medication. Risperdal is particularly good for that. And even then, I frequently do very badly while he's gone. I was reading a DBT article about that, and the suggestion was for radical acceptance on the part of both client and therapist.
I prefer the idea of a "kindly aunt/therapist". But that's just me...
Posted by Morgen on July 26, 2003, at 21:04:02
In reply to Vacation Crutches, posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 19:34:50
I totally understand!
I have a couple e-mail responses from my therapist that I've saved to re-read during tough times. (Like right now and my current prohibition from emailing). Granted, most of those emails are only about two lines long, but they were all amazingly supportive -- "Do try to not be so hard on yourself," etcetera. Invariably, they calmed me, at least somewhat.
um... I guess that's why I'm taking her last email response so hard.... it was totally unexpected.
But to get back to you... with my current situation of having no contact with my therapist for what seems like an incredibly long time (two weeks going on forever), I've pulled up those emails a lot.
Of course, she didn't write them for that purpose and never intended me to do that.
And I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her for a letter, which doesn't at all mean that its inappropriate or that she would refuse. I don't really feel comfortable asking her for much of anything -- but that's about me, not her (i.e., I would be that way about any therapist).
I have a ton of letters from old friends that are very positive and caring -- do you? I sometimes pull those out when I'm feeling bad. Though I can see how specifically having something from your therapist is totally different, just as a therapeutic relationship is different than a friendship.
Morgen
Posted by Morgen on July 26, 2003, at 21:14:39
In reply to Vacation Crutches, posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 19:34:50
I just thought of a more subversive way I handled the problem of wanting something to hold on to between sessions -- if that's how you'd characterize it. I stole one of my therapists books.
Well, not really... but kind of. She loaned it to me and when I kept it and kept it for months and months, and she asked if I was ready to give it back, I sort of flipped out. Initially I didn't flip out, but what happened is, after telling her I'd return it at the next session because I'd decided to buy my own copy, I started thinking that I would kind of like to keep the copy of hers. It was the copy that had got me through leaving my ex, I had bonded with _that_ particular copy! So I went to a bookstore to see if I could find an identical copy to give back to her.
When the bookstore I first went to didn't have the identical copy, what was initially just a nice idea that didn't seem very important suddenly became more and more important with every bookstore I checked. Ultimately, after calling numerous bookstores, I drove two hours to pick up an identical copy!!!
Boy, did I feel nuts.
She realized it was a new copy too, commenting that that wasn't necessary, but I said I didn't really want to talk about it unless the old copy was for some reason important to her (thinking, you know, if it had been a gift then it might be). By this time, I didn't want to talk about it because I was just embarassed... it was pretty clear to me that I wasn't merely motivated by a bond with a book.
I still didn't think of transference though, even then.
So don't feel bad if the vacation crutch you find seems a little... crazy.
Morgenada
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 22:53:13
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches, posted by Morgen on July 26, 2003, at 21:14:39
I like the book idea. I do read a lot of Psychology books. The very first time I met my therapist he recommended a book for me to read, "Noon Day Demons". I found it very long and depressing - it was an accurate description of depression, though. I usually read books for therapists, I find them optimistic - they talk about how to solve all of the client's problems.
Anyway, so we already have history of his recommending books for me. Even if he wouldn't lend it to me I could get a copy of that book and know that he has read it. This does sound nuts, doesn't it? I can completely understand driving 2 hours to get your therapist's book. This wouldn't be so bad, but I've known him less than a month and a half - granted I was pretty needy when I met him.
We'll see how gutsy I can be.
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 22:58:08
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2003, at 20:06:34
His voice is wonderful - with his English accent. I can try listening to the message. But I did that a couple of times with my previous therapist and, if I recall correctly, it made me miss her more. Go figure. At least I have his picture - that should help. But if I'm convinced that he is mad at me, I don't think the picture will help either...
Can you say "Obsessed"? (Gee, that was one of my other therapist's specialties...)
Hope things are OK with you.
Posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 23:01:26
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches » Morgen, posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 22:53:13
Let's try this one "The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression"
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2003, at 11:16:55
In reply to Vacation Crutches, posted by fallsfall on July 26, 2003, at 19:34:50
This isn't directly related to your thread, but a tangential thought.
My therapist knows how dependent I am on him, and I've hinted strongly (maybe even told him) at my feelings that termination with him would be more than I could bear, literally.
Given that, I sometimes wonder why he doesn't want me to form another relationship with a backup therapist if ony in a CYA way. I mean, one day he might want to move or quit private practice. Wouldn't he want me to understand that he is not the only therapist who could provide the safety that I feel I can't live without?
Posted by fallsfall on July 27, 2003, at 11:39:19
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2003, at 11:16:55
Good question. I would think that would be preferable to you "other" plan.
Posted by allisonf on July 27, 2003, at 16:34:46
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2003, at 11:16:55
D, Have you asked him about that?
I am totally there with you guys about the vacation blues. My therapist leaves August 5th for vacation with her family far away from here and she's gone until Aug 20th. I'm making her cookies for her car ride. I'm having a double session this week. She is big on letting me borrow books, so I have one for while she's gone (I totally identify with traveling around to find the new book just to keep the old one!) And I have 2 messages from her on my machine that I'll never erase (I think this is a good crutch too). But I'm definitely more scared than previous years. Why can't she just move in with me and never leave?
One question: I saw that many of you said your therapists let you borrow books. Have your therapists ever read any books that you have recommended/given to them? I really want her to read In Session and Noonday Demon, but she just looks at them when I bring them, asks a few questions and then hands them back. I think this has something to do with being in a professional role compared to me...I don't know.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2003, at 16:56:38
In reply to Re: Vacation Crutches/Borrowing Books » Dinah, posted by allisonf on July 27, 2003, at 16:34:46
I lent one to my therapist and offered to pay him to read a certain part of it, because it was very important to me that he understand something that the book explained well. He agreed, took the book I lent him, and mentioned once that he had just begun to read it. Maybe I should have offered an installment payment at that point, because he never mentioned it again and never returned the book. Fortunately, I had a pretty good guess of the outcome and ordered a new copy the same day I lent him mine.
I never have asked him the CYA question. :) I've been pretty open with him but saying outright "I plan to kill myself if you terminate me. Do you think it might be a good idea for me to develop a relationship with a backup therapist?" is just beyond me. It would feel so profoundly manipulative no matter how I put it. The closest I've come is to ask him to promise to hospitalize me when he terminates me. He didn't follow up on that and neither did I.
This is the end of the thread.
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