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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 11:43:41
My therapist leaves for Scotland on Thursday a.m. and I'm a little nervous about her being gone, even though it's for a short period. I am making an appointment (hopefully, assuming no schedule conflicts) with a colleague of hers even though at this moment I'm feeling okay and like I can handle things okay. I'm worried that I won't feel that way next week, or even tomorrow, or even tonight! My mood changes like the weather.
On another note, I'm glad my therapist is taking a vacation because I do believe she deserves one and I know she'll return rested and ready to get back to work (hopefully!).
Of course, there's always the fear that something happens to her on her trip, but I guess that fear is always there, is it not? Something bad could happen at any time and I would be left alone, but it's not like there's anything I could do about that...
Oh well. Hoping I'll make it through. Feeling a bit more optimistic at the moment.
Penny
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 13:34:56
In reply to therapist on vacation, posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 11:43:41
Mine leaves for a bit over a week next week. Europe, so I can't leave a message for him if I need him. I always get scared. So far it hasn't occurred to me that something might happen to him. I guess it's that old thing where you think your mom is indestructible or something.
We talked again about having a backup for when he's gone. He's going to talk to the therapist he has in mind. That is if he remembers. Which isn't all that likely. He said we could set up a session with all three of us to introduce me.
And you know what? Now I'm scared and not sure if I want it. I'm afraid the new guy won't make me feel safe, and I'll feel that much more dependent on my therapist. And I'm afraid the new guy will make me feel safe. And I have no idea why that scares me, but it does. My therapist says the fear seems perfectly reasonable to him - the fear that I'll find out that he's not as important to me as I think he is. But I don't understand that a bit. :(
Oh well, he'll probably forget and I'll be relieved until he's actually gone, and then I'll be nervous as a cat.
Drat.
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 13:54:47
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation » Penny, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 13:34:56
>
> We talked again about having a backup for when he's gone. He's going to talk to the therapist he has in mind. That is if he remembers. Which isn't all that likely. He said we could set up a session with all three of us to introduce me.
>
> And you know what? Now I'm scared and not sure if I want it. I'm afraid the new guy won't make me feel safe, and I'll feel that much more dependent on my therapist. And I'm afraid the new guy will make me feel safe. And I have no idea why that scares me, but it does. My therapist says the fear seems perfectly reasonable to him - the fear that I'll find out that he's not as important to me as I think he is. But I don't understand that a bit. :(
I can understand his point. It was my fear when changing therapists - that I would discover my old therapist wasn't perhaps as good as I thought she was. Not sure you could discover that in one or two visits though. But what have I discovered? My old therapist leaves a lot to be desired. Not that she wasn't good, but that she suited needs that needed to be filled at the time, and probably wouldn't be as appropriate for me now. Or perhaps I'm changing to suit the therapist (not intentionally, just working with the stronger abilities of each). Perhaps to 'fit' the therapist is better terminology.I had that fear too when my old therapist went on maternity leave and I was supposed to see a new therapist while she was gone. And I did see the new therapist - twice - and then no more. For nearly three months I didn't go to therapy. Why? Because the new therapist DIDN'T make me feel as safe as the old. And in a way that made me feel good because it reinforced that I wasn't crazy for feeling so strongly about my old therapist, is was that she was just that good.
But now that I have a new therapist (well, I guess I have been seeing her for 6 months, so she's not really that new anymore!), someone who I really like and feel really safe and comfortable with, I find myself wondering if I would have grown much had I stayed in Charlotte and stayed with my old therapist. My old therapist was wonderful. She was great for me with what I was going through at the time. And there are things I miss about her. But my current therapist is wonderful too, and she's great for what I am going through at this time, and I'm so glad to have found her.
The weird part? Sometimes I have hard feelings toward my former therapist. Not that she ever did anything to me to make me feel that way, but sometimes I see some of the qualities in my current therapist that my old therapist lacked and it makes me feel like perhaps I didn't get as much out of my three years with her as I could have. Then I feel guilty. Because I still love her and I still miss her, and maybe I'm just trying to make it easier to live without her.
Regardless, my current therapist is fantastic.
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 14:03:39
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation » Dinah, posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 13:54:47
So maybe that's my fear? That I won't be able to justify my attachment? That I may not have been making the best use of my time? I'll have to consider that. Hmmmm.....
So you like female therapists better than male? I'm just the opposite I think. I like the firmness that a male conveys better than the yielding softness that I associate with women. (Goodness only knows why, my mother wasn't a teensy bit of yielding softness. She could command armies.)
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 14:24:18
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation » Penny, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 14:03:39
I just have MAJOR issues with men - sort of a fear thing in a lot of ways - due to my relationship with my dad. My dad is very condescending, sarcastic and hurtful toward me, and I have a fear that a male therapist might be the same way. I mean, I guess I know that, as a therapist, he probably wouldn't be, but I just have that fear as I have a REALLY hard time confronting people when I disagree with them and I can barely do that with a female therapist and wouldn't be able to do it with a man at all.
At the same time, when I was looking for a female psychiatrist, I couldn't find one, so I started going to my current pdoc, and he is fantastic. It took me a little while to get used to him, but now I'm very open with him, telling him everything and feeling very comfortable, for the most part. He's kinda like the ideal dad, and is about the right age. Very intelligent, very warm and very comforting.
But...one time he took my BP in his office (he has just started his own practice and doesn't have a nurse at his Chapel Hill office) and my BP was high - he waited about 10 minutes and it was still high. He had me take it at home on my own, and it was fine. Despite having seen him for over a year, I truly believe it was the fact that HE was taking my BP that made it rise. I told him so. At first he was like, "Ah, the white coat effect" and I said, "No, the MAN effect. My BP is fine when I visit my FEMALE doctor or when the FEMALE nurse takes it..." He understood, I think.
Oh my...
Posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2003, at 16:46:13
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation » Dinah, posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 14:24:18
They say that therapist's vacations give us a chance to practice leave taking and termination. The first time my therapist went on vacation, I went into the hospital. Guess I had some work to do. After years of practice it is easier, and I don't set up sessions with other people. But she has never gone for more than a week.
It has been my experience that if I'm desperate enough that a substitute therapist will help. It helps to be desperate enough to be willing to tell them exactly what is going on and how you feel about it.
Therefore, it logically follows that therapists should never go on vacation.
Dinah, you should meet the other therapist - and then you know that there is someone to go to who you will recognize when he comes to get you in the waiting room. To me, it feels secure.
Posted by stjames on July 2, 2003, at 17:56:04
In reply to Re: therapist on vacation, posted by fallsfall on July 1, 2003, at 16:46:13
Therefore, it logically follows that therapists should never go on vacation.
Boy I really feel for the therapists !
This is the end of the thread.
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