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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 41. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
I try to help others but my depression is so selfish always focusing on self trying to fight against the negative thoughts..
Most of today I've been trying to fight against images of self harm.
Others are in more pain not just here , I try to see the positive things in my life.
I feel helpless so how can I help ?
What I think I'm trying to say is I don't have the ability like others to step out from myself and be social.
I don't know..if I had that ability to help it would help me to stop focusing on myself..now I've confused myself.
Is this for psychological board or what?
Posted by Tabitha on January 31, 2003, at 3:13:49
In reply to depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
Call me selfish, but... methinks that when depressed you need your energy focused inward to keep what little balance you can. when depression gets better, you naturally start to focus outside yourself.
I tried volunteer work when depressed, it made it worse. my heart wasn't in it. nothing to give.
cup has to be full before it can overflow, and all that.
Posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 4:33:41
In reply to Re: depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by Tabitha on January 31, 2003, at 3:13:49
..yes I'm feeling dumb like a kid trying to understand the concept of time..there's a man coming soon to cut a hole in the door for a catflap
meow
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 2, 2003, at 15:48:54
In reply to depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
wow,
thats me to a "T".
i spend 90% of my day self absorbed in my oun twisted thoughts.when i try to break away from them i get all annoyed,its better if i am totally alone.
dont want to talk,
dont want to move.
jyl
Posted by Phil on February 2, 2003, at 16:44:34
In reply to depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
Scott Peck, I quote him a lot, said that when getting to the very roots of depression, there is often a narcissism that plays a role. Sometimes plays a big role.
Posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 18:08:38
In reply to depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
I'm sorry you're in such pain right now. I think that's all part of depression, the inability to see past your own pain and to feel for others. But you know from your own experiences that this is temporary and once you get past this episode you'll be in a position to help others. I wish you well-judy
Posted by ShelliR on February 2, 2003, at 23:06:12
In reply to depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on January 31, 2003, at 0:36:36
I wouldn't say selfish. I would say self-absorbing. When we are depressed we really do have to protect ourselves in any way we can. For some people giving (time, especially), makes them feel better. Not me. I did need structure badly though, so I opted to take art classes after a while; (I had quit my job because I was too depressed at work.) Volunteering reminded me that I was too sick to get paid for what I was able to do. Not good for my weakened self-esteem.
Shelli
Posted by dreamerz on February 2, 2003, at 23:52:25
In reply to Re: depression -a selfish illness ? » dreamerz, posted by ShelliR on February 2, 2003, at 23:06:12
Thanks for replies everyone.
I need a lot of time alone , the very few people I know (well I told them to go away recently-so draining make me feel worse )they have that snap out of it attitude.I think I need different kind of friends
it's a good thing that these meds suppress anger
Can't be around anyone for more than five minutes..But I'm feeling better~ flirting in the local supermarket :-)
Posted by LA on February 6, 2003, at 22:43:29
In reply to Re: depression -a selfish illness ?, posted by dreamerz on February 2, 2003, at 23:52:25
> Thanks for replies everyone.
>
> I need a lot of time alone , the very few people I know (well I told them to go away recently-so draining make me feel worse )they have that snap out of it attitude.I think I need different kind of friends
>
> it's a good thing that these meds suppress anger
> Can't be around anyone for more than five minutes..But I'm feeling better~ flirting in the local supermarket :-)
>I have a friend who keeps on telling me how she has been depressed several times in her life, but she had so much to do that she couldn't just sit around and feel tired and down. She says that I just need to snap out of it She even calls my house in the morning and leaves me messages telling me to get up and get out of bed. Get up and get out and go get things done.
Do you think that anyone who dares to utter the words"just snap out of it " has ever been depressed?
I'm just so tired of trying to explain the whole depression thing - chemical inbalance,out of my control, forget about snap out of it - don't you think that I would snap out of it if I could.What do you say to these people. I get so tired of trying to hide. My husband will come home from work and ask me why do you have your car in the garage with the shades pulled down ? Are you hiding from the neighbors again? ( as if I should feel bad about it)
Sorry I really got going on a roll. It's that snap out of it phrase that just gets me.
Anyone have any insight on how to deal with situation? There really is no dealing is there?
Posted by noa on February 7, 2003, at 11:27:46
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it ! » dreamerz, posted by LA on February 6, 2003, at 22:43:29
It is like, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps".
A few years ago, I disclosed to a co-worker how depressed I was (I was really in a bad episode), and after listening, she said to me, "this is the first time I ever realized that I do not really know what it is like to be truly depressed. Usually, I think I understand, based on my own experiences [of transient depressed moods]. but you are explaining it to me so well, that now I know that I've had no real idea what it is like."
That was extremely refreshing. Of course, this same person, months later, (when I was feeling much better) when I had gotten up the courage to give her some feedback about something she had done that had felt bad to me, got defensively offensive and made a very nasty comment, using her knowledge of my earlier depressive episode.
Oh well, enlightenment can be short lived, I guess.
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 7, 2003, at 12:02:32
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it ! » dreamerz, posted by LA on February 6, 2003, at 22:43:29
> Anyone have any insight on how to deal with situation? There really is no dealing is there?
--------------I wish. I've found that if I'm feeling off or down, I really shouldn't mention it to anyone, because it's interpreted as "I'm a whiny, self-absorbed person." Without visible signs of distress, most people are totally unable to understand. I think that part of the mindset is that you "bring this on yourself", and talking about it is just proof of that fact. If you'd only let go if it, it'd go away. Etc. It's very demoralizing.
I'm sure there are empathetic people who *do* understand, as well as a handful of people who *are* self-absorbed whiners, but I fear the rest of us will just have to rely on each other for succor.
Posted by LA on February 9, 2003, at 19:59:13
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it ! » LA, posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 7, 2003, at 12:02:32
> > Anyone have any insight on how to deal with situation? There really is no dealing is there?
> --------------
>
> I wish. I've found that if I'm feeling off or down, I really shouldn't mention it to anyone, because it's interpreted as "I'm a whiny, self-absorbed person." Without visible signs of distress, most people are totally unable to understand. I think that part of the mindset is that you "bring this on yourself", and talking about it is just proof of that fact. If you'd only let go if it, it'd go away. Etc. It's very demoralizing.
> I'm sure there are empathetic people who *do* understand, as well as a handful of people who *are* self-absorbed whiners, but I fear the rest of us will just have to rely on each other for succor.
>
> Sometimes I feel like I'm unable to fake it, to act as if everything is okay, or normal.(though who really knows what normal is )
I'm not saying I go out and say hey look at me I'm depressed. ( I don't even want to come out of my house or answer the telephone)But I am one of those people that all you need to do is look at my face, and my emotions are right there. Even my voice seems to change. I don't know if it's lack of energy or I'm just not capable of hiding the way I feel. I hate this about myself, I wish I were able to hide my feelings better. Am I making any sense?
This is all probably coming from the dinner party I went to last night. I was having an okay day I thought. A friend or I should say an acquaintance who was unfortunaltey seated next to me for the ten course dinner told me she was psychic and could read me. She said that I really needed to get out of my box. And if I didn't get out of my box I could become very depressed. It was all up to me to get out of the damn box. I hope it was at least a Tiffanys box she was referring to. This is when a bottle of wine can really make a difference.Okay I am rambling. Does anyone else have this problem? no not the rambling one.
LA
Posted by PuraVida on February 9, 2003, at 23:49:51
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it !, posted by LA on February 9, 2003, at 19:59:13
Hi LA,
Yes, I know what you mean. Sometimes it feels as if someone has botoxed my whole face - heavy, expressionless. But no one has ever commented on me "looking" down - maybe its not as bad as it feels, or other people just realize that everyone doesn't have to be super energetic and "on" 24/7. I try to remind myself its OK to have a quiet mood around others - even if they are used to me being the life of the party.
I have to ask after reading your posts if you are on meds, and are they working? When I start feeling the facial/voice lethargy, and especially isolating myself, I know I'm toward the bottom of the pit. I haven't been that low in awhile, but instead self medicating a LOT. My new challenge is to deal with things without that bottle (or two) of wine you mentioned...:)
It sound like you are in the right place - you need support from people who understand that you don't just snap out of it. Hopefully your husband will become more educated about what you are really dealing with. As for your dinner buddy - boy, I would've loved to have heard that speech! That's probably just her nature with everyone.
Good luck -
PV
Posted by beardedlady on February 10, 2003, at 8:09:21
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it !, posted by LA on February 9, 2003, at 19:59:13
I am one of those people, too. I remember an old song by a group called Slow Children. One of the lines was, "I wish my face would not reveal me." I've had this problem since I was a child. I can't hide dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety, fear, sadness, happiness (though I wish that happened a little more often, as I wouldn't mind not being able to hide that!). And then I have the mouth to go along with it.
Is honesty one of your core values, like it is mine? Or are you just a terrible actress?!
As for snapping out of it, why don't people understand that the desire to snap out of it is the greatest (and sometimes only) desire we have?
A funny coincidence. One of my best friends called me from out of town yesterday to say she was back home for a ten-course dinner party. She is also psychic in such an obvious way it would boggle the mind.
Okay, now get out of bed! (Just kidding.)
beardy : )>
Posted by LA on February 10, 2003, at 13:15:59
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it ! » LA, posted by beardedlady on February 10, 2003, at 8:09:21
> I am one of those people, too. I remember an old song by a group called Slow Children. One of the lines was, "I wish my face would not reveal me." I've had this problem since I was a child. I can't hide dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety, fear, sadness, happiness (though I wish that happened a little more often, as I wouldn't mind not being able to hide that!). And then I have the mouth to go along with it.
>
> Is honesty one of your core values, like it is mine? Or are you just a terrible actress?!
>
> As for snapping out of it, why don't people understand that the desire to snap out of it is the greatest (and sometimes only) desire we have?
>
> A funny coincidence. One of my best friends called me from out of town yesterday to say she was back home for a ten-course dinner party. She is also psychic in such an obvious way it would boggle the mind.
>
> Okay, now get out of bed! (Just kidding.)
>
> beardy : )>
>
>Hi Beardy,Yes honesty has been a problem for me along with not thinking before I speak. Though I have to say I have gotten much better in the last few years. I try to think before I speak and I am not quite as honest as I could be. Sometimes it's just better not to say anything at all. But I am definitely not able to act either, it's all there, all you have to do is look at my face. And I have found that most people do not want you to be honest with them anyway.
Okay I have to ask you, what state did your friend attend the party in? Has she ever mentioned the box theory to you!
LA
Posted by LA on February 10, 2003, at 13:47:04
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it ! » LA, posted by PuraVida on February 9, 2003, at 23:49:51
> Hi LA,
>
> Yes, I know what you mean. Sometimes it feels as if someone has botoxed my whole face - heavy, expressionless. But no one has ever commented on me "looking" down - maybe its not as bad as it feels, or other people just realize that everyone doesn't have to be super energetic and "on" 24/7. I try to remind myself its OK to have a quiet mood around others - even if they are used to me being the life of the party.
>
> I have to ask after reading your posts if you are on meds, and are they working? When I start feeling the facial/voice lethargy, and especially isolating myself, I know I'm toward the bottom of the pit. I haven't been that low in awhile, but instead self medicating a LOT. My new challenge is to deal with things without that bottle (or two) of wine you mentioned...:)
>
> It sound like you are in the right place - you need support from people who understand that you don't just snap out of it. Hopefully your husband will become more educated about what you are really dealing with. As for your dinner buddy - boy, I would've loved to have heard that speech! That's probably just her nature with everyone.
>
> Good luck -
>
> PVHi PV,
Thanks for your response, I am glad to know that I am not the only one whose face shows their emotions. There are so many things that I have experienced from depression where I thought it was just me. After reading other peoples posts it's comforting to know I am not alone. Though I would not wish these things on anyone.
You are right everyone shouldn't have to be "on" all the time. It seems that when I am not "on ", everyone is asking what's wrong are you okay? Then the face comes into play. Sometimes it takes too much energy.
I am on meds, kept increasing the dose over the last 5 months, but still not working. I have had a string of some pretty bad days. But before the meds I could say months. I go to the doctors on Wed. and will change my meds.
The other night wine was my last resort.
LA
Posted by beardedlady on February 10, 2003, at 14:20:44
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it !-Beardy, posted by LA on February 10, 2003, at 13:15:59
LA:
The dinner party was in a state she calls 'sconsin. And she never mentioned the box theory, but she has a close friend named LA. (I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to scare you.)
Weird, eh? Is this a parallel universe, or is there a lot of synchronicity happening?
I was at a friend's house last night. The friend has the same birthday as my sister. Another friend was over who shares that birthday. The girlfriend of the friend has a mother born the same day as my mother. Just coinkydinks.
beardy
Posted by noa on February 10, 2003, at 17:13:38
In reply to state stuff » LA, posted by beardedlady on February 10, 2003, at 14:20:44
Posted by beardedlady on February 12, 2003, at 6:51:30
In reply to Re: depression - just snap out of it !-Beardy, posted by LA on February 10, 2003, at 13:15:59
Posted by LA on February 12, 2003, at 21:44:38
In reply to Uh-oh, did I scare you off? (nm) » LA, posted by beardedlady on February 12, 2003, at 6:51:30
Hi beardy,
No, not at all. Just a few days of craze.
Your friend said Sconsin, not the same state. I was in NY. I guess I'm not the same LA. Not that we really thought I was but it was quite a coincidence. Though I really don't believe in coincidences. I do believe everything happens for a reason and that most of us are connected in some way. All those birthdays that was interesting too.
Your psychic friend, did she always know she was psychic? I'd love to meet a really good one.
I had a pretty good day today. Figures. Tommorrow I start cutting my med back until I hit o. I'm a little uneasy after reading all the posts regarding withdrawl symtoms. So wish me luck which is something I don't currently have.
LA
Posted by LA on February 12, 2003, at 21:56:29
In reply to Re: What is Box Theory? (nm), posted by noa on February 10, 2003, at 17:13:38
Noa,
The box theory, just my way of describing someone telling me to get out of the box or I would become depressed. This person thought I was keeping myself in a box and that it would lead to depression. See my earlier post.
There really is no Box Theory, just my own terminology.
Posted by beardedlady on February 13, 2003, at 7:03:07
In reply to Re: Uh-oh, did I scare you off? Beardy, posted by LA on February 12, 2003, at 21:44:38
Take the med reduction slowly, very slowly. Withdrawal really shouldn't happen when you reduce a fragment at a time for a week or two at a time. It takes a long time that way, but it's worth it.
My psychic friend has always had gifts. She's a massage therapist and healer. I don't believe in energy work at all, but she is magic. I was pregnant once, and she gave me a message. She did some energy work on my stomach, and I had a miscarriage the next day. I'd have blamed her, but I thanked her instead. The sonogram showed the embryo had never developed beyond eight weeks, and I was ten weeks pregnant. I was carrying a dead embryo.
Sorry to be so morbid.
When I first got chronic insomnia, she did some work on me. She held my feet and repeated a phrase that she was getting from me. I had no idea what she was talking about and tried to interpret it.
When I got home, there was an e-mail from a client. The e-mail said, "We're not there yet." My friend's phrase was, "You're not there yet." The job I was working on was for a travel/tour company. The headline was, "Are We There Yet?" She had absolutely no way of knowing about this, but the job was pestering me, as I'd been working on it for a month, and, because I didn't attribute the cause of my sleeplessness to work (since so much else was going on), I hadn't even thought about the job when she said the phrase to me.
I don't believe in coincidence either. I think it's all synchronicity.
Beardy : )>
Posted by noa on February 13, 2003, at 19:03:21
In reply to Re: What is Box Theory? » noa, posted by LA on February 12, 2003, at 21:56:29
Thanks, LA. "Box Theory" had a great ring to it, though!
Posted by LA on February 13, 2003, at 20:12:31
In reply to psychics and weaning » LA, posted by beardedlady on February 13, 2003, at 7:03:07
> Take the med reduction slowly, very slowly. Withdrawal really shouldn't happen when you reduce a fragment at a time for a week or two at a time. It takes a long time that way, but it's worth it.
>
> My psychic friend has always had gifts. She's a massage therapist and healer. I don't believe in energy work at all, but she is magic. I was pregnant once, and she gave me a message. She did some energy work on my stomach, and I had a miscarriage the next day. I'd have blamed her, but I thanked her instead. The sonogram showed the embryo had never developed beyond eight weeks, and I was ten weeks pregnant. I was carrying a dead embryo.
>
> Sorry to be so morbid.
>
> When I first got chronic insomnia, she did some work on me. She held my feet and repeated a phrase that she was getting from me. I had no idea what she was talking about and tried to interpret it.
>
> When I got home, there was an e-mail from a client. The e-mail said, "We're not there yet." My friend's phrase was, "You're not there yet." The job I was working on was for a travel/tour company. The headline was, "Are We There Yet?" She had absolutely no way of knowing about this, but the job was pestering me, as I'd been working on it for a month, and, because I didn't attribute the cause of my sleeplessness to work (since so much else was going on), I hadn't even thought about the job when she said the phrase to me.
>
> I don't believe in coincidence either. I think it's all synchronicity.
>
> Beardy : )>Beardy,
Your not going to believe this. I had to re read your post quite a few times.
The acquaintance / psychic I was at the dinner party with the other night also considers herself a healer, who does reflexology, massage and riki ( not sure of the sp ).
This past summer I was at a party which she attended. At the party I announced to my friends ( who had been asking for weeks ) I was pregnant, (after years of infertility this was my last attempt thru IVF at getting pregnant).She was doing reflexology and healing at the party. I didn't feel very good , and she offered to work on me. To make a long story short about 2 weeks later I found out that I miscarried. The fetus had stopped growing about 2 weeks eariler.
P.S I didn't think you were morbid
LA
Posted by beardedlady on February 14, 2003, at 6:08:39
In reply to Re: psychics beardy, coincidence we don't believe » beardedlady, posted by LA on February 13, 2003, at 20:12:31
So in your case, do you blame her for your miscarriage, or do you think she helped expel it?
Weird.
But it's not so unusual that they are both "healers." I mean, if you're psychic, that's usually the job you choose (unless you are faux psychic, and then you get to be famous). I also think those who enjoy helping people tend to be the most in tune with others' feelings and thoughts. They seem to be listening harder. Know what I mean?
beardy
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