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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Justherself on March 7, 2003, at 19:42:38
Can anyone help me with this. I have been in the depths of a depression for more than a year, which I'm finally pulling out of. This has been terribly hard on my partner. He has told me he is "at the wall" and has thought of ending our relationship. He's not sure if he can cope with another one and we both know there will be another one. Whether it would be as severe as this one, I don't know. I've been surfing the net to try to find some material on caregiver burnout which we could then try. Neither one of us wants to end this, but it can't go on like this either.
I don't know if this is the proper place to post this, but any suggestions for web sites I could go to would be greatly appreciated.
I'm waiting for some material to be mailed to me (I live in a rural community) on the subject, but I would like to access the web also. Please help, as I feel like I'm losing my best friend.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being double-whammied. Suffering from depression/anxiety and as a result, not being able to function in a relationship.
Posted by jay on March 7, 2003, at 21:06:55
In reply to caregiver burnout, posted by Justherself on March 7, 2003, at 19:42:38
Well it sounds like there are many issues-within-issues, and one of your best bets would be to communicate with others to find some kind of support. This is a good place to start, as there are a wide range of posters. Many supportive people, many with first-hand professional knowledge on many topics. But, just to have someone *acknowledge* your pain is relief in itself, and I believe you can find that here.
The further action is going to have to be taken by you, but you may feel more confident in whatever choices you make, and maybe a bit better prepared for what life has to throw at you.
Now, does your partner suffer from some kind of illness, and is that tied in with these issues? If so, it is a bit of a pattern I recognize, and I am sure others do to. If you could elaborate a bit more, maybe we could talk and help a bit more.
Please keep posting.
Best,
Jay
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 7, 2003, at 21:32:18
In reply to Re: caregiver burnout » Justherself, posted by jay on March 7, 2003, at 21:06:55
hi just,
this board is not as active as the social,,
i find if i need to reach out...and hope for a respose,social is my best bet...
i know how you feel,,i am sure you found the right place here...
i dont think i should be giving any kind of help, but i sure am a good listener.
post this aswell on the social,board,,more will read it,,,
post again soon just..
welcomejyl
Posted by Justherself on March 7, 2003, at 23:13:56
In reply to Re: caregiver burnout » Justherself, posted by jay on March 7, 2003, at 21:06:55
> Well it sounds like there are many issues-within-issues, and one of your best bets would be to communicate with others to find some kind of support. This is a good place to start, as there are a wide range of posters. Many supportive people, many with first-hand professional knowledge on many topics. But, just to have someone *acknowledge* your pain is relief in itself, and I believe you can find that here.
>
> The further action is going to have to be taken by you, but you may feel more confident in whatever choices you make, and maybe a bit better prepared for what life has to throw at you.
>
> Now, does your partner suffer from some kind of illness, and is that tied in with these issues? If so, it is a bit of a pattern I recognize, and I am sure others do to. If you could elaborate a bit more, maybe we could talk and help a bit more.
>
> Please keep posting.
>
> Best,
> JayThanks Jay. No he doesn't have any illnesses. He's a very social person, very active in the community. He has never been exposed to anyone suffering from this (to his knowledge). I told him he probably has many a time and just didn't know it. He now has great respect for people suffering from depression/anxiety. He has seen firsthand how difficult it can be to keep slogging away and says he doesn't know how I keep going. I only can say that I have hope and some kind of crazy faith that I'll feel better as I have before.
The "wall" so to speak that both of us are at now, is he doesn't know if he can give or comit anymore. He feels burned out, tired and frustrated. I know this bout of depression is lessening but I can't and won't put any more pressure on myself either, by saying everything's going to be wonderful again because it may not be and even if I am feeling better, I still have aways to go. I may relapse, cause that's the way it is and has been for 20 some years. I can be free of it for long periods of time but sooner or later I have to start the dreaded "trying to find the right combo of drugs".
I think because depression is such an isolating condition, the partners and families get really short shrift. The depressed person is so insular and self-isolated because it takes all their energy to keep going and that leaves their loved ones neglecting their own emotional health. So everyone ends up feeling angry, guilty and so, so frustrated.
I can only hope that we can somehow find a way to keep communicating and try to work it through, but I'm not "betting the farm on it".
I know I'm babbling away here, but it's the first time I'm had access to a computer for awhile. Just feels good to throw it out there and hope that the good people in this group can share and care.
Will keep checking posts as I can. Thanks.
Posted by jane d on March 8, 2003, at 13:54:45
In reply to Re: caregiver burnout, posted by Justherself on March 7, 2003, at 23:13:56
Nice to see your name here again. I'm glad you are starting to feel better. It's ironic that feeling better can be just as hard. Suddenly you have to address everything that went wrong while you were ill.
If I can find the nerve I'll raise your question with the person I have most negatively affected. Off hand, the first thing I think of is to make sure that he knows that it is not his responsibility to cure you - or to do any more than he is able to. Not this time, and not in any hypothetical next time. That, if he reaches a breaking point he can leave even if you are in terrible shape. That way he shouldn't have to leave now to protect himself from something that might never happen. I can remember feeling myself that it would be somehow dishonerable to put myself in a position where someone might need me because I didn't know if I could actually do it if the time came. I'd probably still feel that way but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me anymore.
Good luck.
Jane
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