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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on December 6, 2002, at 19:50:08
Hi,
I have read the other messages in this forum about attraction to your therapist. I am stuck with the same thing. I am very attracted to him .. he is young and married..I am married newly as well. I don't want to continue this fantasy. Should I ask him for help in getting rid of my attraction to him?
Thanks
pinkeye
Posted by rayww on December 7, 2002, at 11:35:50
In reply to Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 6, 2002, at 19:50:08
There is no competition for the perfection of fantasy.
As long as your attraction is only a fantasy it will be easier to get over than if your attraction breaks out of the fantasy and unleashes itself into physical addiction.
Some quotes on sexual attraction from "Thoughts from the Heart of the Soul" :
"Connecting the experience of addictive sexual attraction with the avoidance of painful emotions is a significant step in healing an addiction to sex." ....and.... "An addictive sexual attraction is never to another person. It is to an image you hold of that person. Addictive sexual interactions are barriers to intimacy, though they may appear to be intimate."
"The experience of addictive sexual attraction is a flag that signals a craving for meaning, purpose, and value." ... and..."A sexual addict is an individual in acute pain, consumed by feelings of inadequacy."Rather than address your attraction to him personally, perhaps you could address topics such as the ones I have quoted.
Posted by Dinah on December 7, 2002, at 11:43:07
In reply to Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 6, 2002, at 19:50:08
Hi Pinkeye,
As you've seen here on Psycho-Psycho Babble, and if you look through the Psycho-Social Babble archives, you'll find that this isn't uncommon at all. Again, I recomment "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists" by Deborah Lott.
You should of course bring this up with your therapist. It will interfere with your therapy if you don't. He's probably seen it a number of times, especially if he is young and attractive. If he reacts in an unprofessional manner, you'll know it's necessary to get a new therapist. If, as is more likely, he responds professionally, you might well be able to get through this, and even learn something from it. But even if he responds professionally, it may be a real attraction, not transference based. In that case, it might be better for you to find someone else. Fantasies are great. You can enjoy them privately. But torturing yourself with them is probably not wise.
Just my two cents.
Dinah
Posted by Pfinstegg on December 7, 2002, at 22:38:51
In reply to Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 6, 2002, at 19:50:08
In psychotherapy between a heterosexual woman and a male therapist, I would be concerned if there WASN'T a sexual attraction! Having it, and working through it, is a part of the growth and deepening of the personality which should occur in psychotherapy. You have to do something very scary- talk about it fully! At the end, the attraction resolves, or at least tones down a lot, but you are left with a much richer sense of your own sexuality- even if that was not a problem area originally.
Pfinstegg
Posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2002, at 19:58:02
In reply to Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 6, 2002, at 19:50:08
What if he wants me to stop seeing him? I don't want to lose him.
Pinkeye
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2002, at 20:52:32
In reply to Re: Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2002, at 19:58:02
That's unlikely to happen, Pinkeye, if your therapist acts professionally. It's likely he's experienced it before. Some probably handle it better than others. But if you can't be honest about this with him, it will be like the pink elephant in the room. Your attention will be divided and it will make therapeutic work difficult. And if he doesn't handle it appropriately, then no matter how you feel about him, he probably is not the therapist for you.
I know it's scary. I've made a number of leaps of faith with my therapist. Some worked out better than others of course. But we've muddled through.
Posted by namesake on December 12, 2002, at 22:49:04
In reply to Re: Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up? » pinkeye, posted by rayww on December 7, 2002, at 11:35:50
> There is no competition for the perfection of fantasy.
>
> As long as your attraction is only a fantasy it will be easier to get over than if your attraction breaks out of the fantasy and unleashes itself into physical addiction.
>
> Some quotes on sexual attraction from "Thoughts from the Heart of the Soul" :
>
> "Connecting the experience of addictive sexual attraction with the avoidance of painful emotions is a significant step in healing an addiction to sex." ....and.... "An addictive sexual attraction is never to another person. It is to an image you hold of that person. Addictive sexual interactions are barriers to intimacy, though they may appear to be intimate."
> "The experience of addictive sexual attraction is a flag that signals a craving for meaning, purpose, and value." ... and..."A sexual addict is an individual in acute pain, consumed by feelings of inadequacy."
>
> Rather than address your attraction to him personally, perhaps you could address topics such as the ones I have quoted.
>
I read with interest what you said. The book sounds very interesting, I am going to read it.
(I have had some similar feelings as Pinkeye)Now for a question which may sound dumb. What did you mean by "keep it in the fantasy" verses allowing it to "breakout into the physical"? Are you meaning a 2 way physical relationship with the individuals,and/or, a physical experience by the one person,alone, who is attracted? Without getting too graphic, can you explain?I have posted thoughts on this, however, I was new to the website, and think that I posted on 2 different boards. (First psychological babble, then next, psycho social babble). This was within the last week.I'm trying to become familiar with the way things work here.
Posted by pinkeye on December 13, 2002, at 15:42:24
In reply to Re: Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by namesake on December 12, 2002, at 22:49:04
Has anyone ever successfully worked these issues with your therapist?
Posted by Pfinstegg on December 16, 2002, at 1:28:16
In reply to Re: Attracted to Therapist - should I bring it up?, posted by pinkeye on December 13, 2002, at 15:42:24
This is the end of the thread.
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